My name is Krista and I'm 23 years old. I still live at home with my dad for financial reasons. I work full-time at a job that pays minimum, but I really enjoy it. In July of 2013 I met a guy who was around here visiting family while he was on leave. He's in the Air Force on base in NC, and he's 20 years old. Let's call him James.
We've been dating for a while, and we're two very future-oriented people. By that I mean we talked about things on the first date that would probably scare other people away. We were both looking for a serious relationship, so we wanted to make sure that if we started dating, there were no major conflicts of interest that would occur down the line. Marriage, kids, moving...that sort of thing. Neither of us care to marry, though he strongly wants children and I do not. We've decided to remain together regardless, though it sort of makes the whole thing feel temporary, but at the moment that isn't my concern.
He is able to move off base early next year, and he wants me to move down there with him. I'm very fond of my state, and I don't really like the idea of leaving, as I never planned on it. I have a horse and a dog, so it's no simple matter for me to just pick up and go. Still, this is something that, as of right now, I am planning on doing(though I realize a lot can happen in a years time).
James is sexist. Plain and simple. He's not a jerk about it, but it still gets under my skin because I'm a very independent person who doesn't really fit the stereotype of an average woman, so I hate to be labeled. Anyway, one of his major things is he wants me to cook for him, and the housework has been mentioned as well. He says it is his love language(of the five love languages), and he feels like if I didn't do these things for him that it would feel like I'm just a roommate he sleeps with and he wouldn't feel loved. I've never had to "take care" of a person before. I grew up with just my father and was never taught to cook or clean and my only nurturing instincts are toward animals(I am actually a decent cook though), so the idea bothers me a bit. Regardless, he would be the primary financial provider, as he does not expect me to contribute to bills, so I wouldn't mind doing my part and cooking/cleaning. I have a horse, though, as I mentioned, and horses are a big part of my life and are also in my future plans. He tells me I don't have to work if I don't want to, though he would prefer it if I did(which I don't understand if he doesn't want me to contribute financially), but I am responsible for my things. That means my animals. He won't pay for them. Okay, that sounds fair so far.
We eventually want a small farm. Enough crops for ourselves with goats, chickens, ducks...horses too, except he'll have nothing to do with them. He likes horses, he just doesn't like how expensive they are. So, my job then becomes taking care of the farm, the house, him, and also having a job to pay for my horses.
I'm not trying to be greedy, but I feel like I'm getting a little short-ended here. He gets everything he wants, while I'm the one who has to compromise the whole way. I don't like the idea of leaving my home and the job I enjoy, but he doesn't like it up here. I don't like the hot weather down there. Can't stand it, actually. I don't like the idea of having to take care of someone, hence the reason I don't want kids. Still, I'm willing to do these things for him, but what is he willing to compromise for me?
He'd work, come home, eat and relax. I would wake up, make him something to eat, take care of the animals, go to work, come home, take care of the animals, cook dinner, eat, clean up, take care of the animals and maybe have enough time to shower before passing out. Then on my days off I would do all of those things on top of cleaning the house. I also hunt, so during that time of the year I would be the one putting venison in the freezer. He's never had to process an animal before, so that'd be my job too. I just know too many women who do this, and none of them are happy... I have goals with horses. I am trying to get established as a certified trimmer and eventually a breeder, but if I don't have the time, how am I supposed to get started in these things. I don't want to give up what I want in life.
I'm the type of person that doesn't feel comfortable having people pay for things for me. Even with my parents, so when he asks me what would make me feel better and what he could compromise on, the only thing I can think of is him paying for my animals' feed(approximately $200 a month if on our property). I just don't like asking for it because I don't like taking other people's money and I can't tell if I'm just being selfish and whiny, or if this situation really is as one-sided as I feel it is.
I know I'll probably get asked why I want to be with him if we are already having issues like this so early in our relationship, but you have to understand, these are issues that most people don't discuss until they are a couple of years into a relationship. We're just trying to get through them now instead of dealing with them later. He's a brutally honest guy. Literally. A lot of people say they're brutally honest when they're actually not. He really is, and I like that. I may not always like what he has to say, but at least I know what is on his mind.
Sorry for the book, but can I get some opinions on this please?