Do I send a letter before going travelling?

[lj85]

Hi,
Please can I get some honest opinions & advice on what to do. I'll give you my story first. Me and my ex were together for 4 & a half years, she was 1 of my best friends sister & when she came back from university we just hit it off and fell for each other very quickly. I'm 29 & I've been out with plenty of girls in my life time but none of them have ever been my best friend like this girl was & I was her best friend to. After 3 years we moved in together & we lived with each for a year & a half before she left me. I have to be honest and say the last 6 months we were together I got very depressed about my own life and were it was going, I also have smoked cannibis for 11 years which eventually has taken its toll on me to, been a manic depressive and having a weed addiction, which is what I had, I've come to except this, is a bad mix. I don't for 1 minute want anybody thinking it was her that made me this way, I've had trouble for most of my adult life with depression that steams from my upbringing and have a lot of hang ups from my child hood that I never fully resolved. I became very hard to live with with my constant glass is half empty attitude and I totally see why she couldn't take it anymore and left me, I'm not in denial about this, I take most of the blame for our relationship ending. Our break up wasn't a nasty 1, I told you before she's my mates sister and so I've been very careful not to make it harder for everyone involved in our lives, we haven't dragged other people from our same group of friends into our business because that would be unfair. My ex's brother even commented the other day in front of 1 of my other friends on how great we've both handled this and not made it difficult or nasty for everyone. When we broke up she said that I'd just become to hard to live with and that she felt like I would never changed my ways and so that was that, I was left with a house I couldn't afford to run on my own and for the first few months found it very hard to live and sort of life because all my money was tied up in the house but I've since moved in to my friends house for a number of reason which I will get into later. The day after she left me I got home from work to a empty house because she'd come and collected her things I just sat on my own and really thought about were my life was going and what I was going to do, I had £200 in my pocket and I was going to go down to my dealers house and get a load of cannibis and smoke myself in to a stew and feel sorry for myself but something clicked while I was sat in the house alone and I said to myself "no more, it's time to grow up and take responsibility for my life and my actions & stop blaming the bad things that happen on everyone & everything else" I ran down to my mums house and gave her the money because I needed to the option of buying weed taken from me, I'm glad to say I haven't smoked a single joint since the day she which is now 4 months ago, it's the longest in 11 years since I started smoking it that I haven't done so and I feel like a new man, I also finally got help with my depression by starting to go to counselling which I do every 2 weeks on Wednesdays & I aren't depressed anymore, in fact I'm beginning to enjoy life again and I don't hate myself anymore. All my friends are very proud of how far I've come in 4 months, most of them have tuk me to 1 side and said that they were really worried about what I was going to do once they heard about my break up from my ex, they all thought I would just get even worse than I was already and none of them thought I would get help and quit weed. When me and my ex split she still called me her best friend to people, I have heard off at least 5 people that she misses me but still doesn't think she can trust me again so in the mean time I am planning a trip abroad to India on my own for 3 months which is something I could never have done before, I was so depressed in those last few months together that in could even get out of the house, she would go out on Friday & Saturdays and I would just stay in and feel sorry for my self but I have so much confidence and belief in myself now that I'm gona go travel the world on my own for a bit which I can't wait to do.

I'm not going to contact her between now and when I leave as I think it's for the best and also shows more strength than contacting her because she knows I still love her and want her back and me messaging her before I go saying those things will only make me look weak I think

but I do have a plan to write her a handwritten letter and send it from the airport so that she doesn't feel pressured to reply to me and I can say all the things I've wanted to say to her but have known it's was not the right time to before I go. Is this a good idea? Please can I get some advice on this matter?

Thank you so much in advance for your reply :-)

[Valixy]

You can be really proud of yourself of the progress you've made in the last four months. No wonder everyone is so happy for you and I bet your girlfriend is too. Regarding the best way to contact her I think that you should follow your intuition. A letter that you've planned for so long and waited to send it to her from the airport before such an important journey for you sounds like a special gesture if put in the right context - revealing her many of the things that you've shared on this board. If you still love her and want her in your life, it shouldn't sound like a good bye letter but a beautiful love letter. It all depends of what you'd like to happen between you two in the future, I suppose, but you should take in consideration that so much time far away from each other could present one of you (or both) with some unexpected changes in your lives.

I think that if you feel that you need to concentrate on yourself, having more experiences and growing as a person, you should do that, but assuming that it won't necessarily bring you closer to your ex-girlfriend and to the possibility of retaking the relationship. Good luck.

[lj85]

Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it so much. I was very worried about being weak and sending her a text on Xmas day, I'd wrote a text out and was going to send it to her but on reflection I just thought it would have sent the wrong signal and that it would have appeared like I was not getting on with life, I'm going out tomorrow with friends for New Year's Eve and she won't be there but do you think it's a good idea to send her a text at midnight? I have 1 wrote out and here it is

"Happy New Year, wishing you all the best & happiness for the coming year :-)"

I've not out anything clingy in there and there are no kisses at the end, part of me says yes send it but the other part says "your doing really well & the best way to get her back is to play the long game and be strong"

Thanks in advance

[Valixy]

You're welcome :-)

You should send that text if she's important to you, of course.

The rest is a bit confusing to me... If you really love this girl, you need to conquer your fears and approch her in the right way, but again, I'm not quite sure I understand your position and intentions. Hopefully it's all clear to you or maybe someone else will try to help you with their opinion.

[lj85]

My position is that right now it's all to raw for her still what happened between us, I'm not delusional about this but I do think in the future there is a chance for us again 1 day but it will only be after I can show her that I can change permanently so in the mean time me going away seems like a good thing to do as I know it will give me even more confidence than I feel right now, you see I've always had a problem with feeling comfortable around new people, I always feel inferior to them and I want to change this part of my life and I feel if I jump into the deep end and go off on my own for a bit that it will really help me in the long term. If I thought it would be the right thing to do then I would have talked to her already and not doing so has been the single hardest thing I've ever done, the last time we spoke was 7 weeks ago and it wasn't a nasty conversation, I just felt like the best thing was to be strong and play it cool so it appears I am getting stronger, I'm not sat at home depressed because we're not together anymore which I haven't been doing. It simply boils down to the fact that if we do get back together I've excepted that it's not at the moment so why not do something for me in the mean time. So do you think I should still send the New Years text? Thanks

[Valixy]

Absolutely, send her the new year text :-)

I hope all works out fine for you in India and with your special girl too. You deserve it. Whatever happens, you'll be able to make the best of it because you've already proved you have this amazing ability :-)

Traveling has been a blessing for me in so many aspects...Good luck.

[lj85]

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it :-)