Cant get over GF shady past

[Dez1985]

Yesterday my GF of 8 months told me she used to be a topless dancer and once even sold herself for money. That was 3 years ago and I don't feel too good about it. She said she has changed and she was young and desperate for money. I know this to be true because she has been on her own since she was 16 and had a really hard life. But I cant look at her the same I love her and we talk about marriage and stuff but I'm having a hard time taking the news...I am happy with her and we do everything together but why didn't she tell me earlier? She is now in school for nursing and works as a receptionist at a local chiropractic office, so I have to say, she has done better for herself. The thing is, I would not of went into the relationship if I knew about her shady past. I cant see myself being with a woman who shit loads of men have seen and possibly even touched or slept with. She is better now but at one point, I cant stop thinking about the lack of self respect or values she had. She says it only happened once but we live in Nevada and I know how the clubs here operate. I think she has done a lot more then she is willing to admit, like she was only a topless dancer. The clubs around here are bottomless as well. I took her to a friend's bbq this past weekend and this guy kept saying he recognized her but couldn't remember where from. She told me she didn't feel good and we ultimately left the bbq but now I know why and that is why she decided to come clean about her shady past. It makes me wonder about how she will do if she is a another financial crisis. Will she go back to doing the same thing? I'm embarrassed to be with her if she's going to be noticed.

Should I let her go? Or try hard to forget about it?

[Wakeup]

Why have you come here to ask strangers about your situation? If you can't wrap your head around this, then why have you come here? Are you expecting us to talk you into staying with her?

It doesn't matter if you love her if you can't be okay with the fact that she's now legit and doing well but wasn't as put together at one point BEFORE you even knew her then do her a favour and break up with her. Be sure to tell her why so that she learns to lie to men in the future who can't get their own head out of their ass.

Your right to leave her if its a deal breaker. So, break the deal if you can't get past it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She was whore, straight up. She is also, currently, a liar. Do you want to be with a lying, whore, or even a lying, ex-whore? Sounds like that's a, no.

[Dez1985]

I'd feel the same way you felt if I felt like she didn't have a choice. As for her, unless she was forced into being a stripper by some pimp, it was her choice which she made with free will. It was all about money, so she made the choice to pimp her naked self for cash rather than get a legit job. And, strippers make big money; She didn't need to have sex for money... she chose that. I don't know..did she justify it because it was a lot of money for a little degradation? I used to look at her like my Angel but now she seems dirty. It kills me to say that that.

[surfhb2]

I spent almost a decade in prison for drug smuggling and ended up being a pretty good guy....i did it for the money...not because I was a strung out drug addict with no self worth.

Sounds like you already made your decision though

My point is we've all make dumb mistakes....some of us grow up and become good fathers, good employees and even presidents.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Surfhb, I don't think she's a bad person because of this, but c'mon, can't you see how a guy wouldn't want a serious relationship with someone who has ever been a prostitute? Even if they were doing it to feed their kids, a lot of guys, if not the vast majority, would not be accepting of that.

[Wakeup]

I agree. It's like many women wouldn't look at a guy that is promiscuous as good relationship material either. People have standards and I think its mute to try and talk them out of their own beliefs.

I'm just curious as to why, if this is a deal breaker for him, why he just wouldn't break up with her. Either you can live with her past or your can't. Seems you (op) can't so wish her well and get it done. To keep playing with her like nothing is wrong when you are contemplating losing her is what's wrong.

[Starnique]

Uhm, she didn't tell you earlier because look at how bitchy you are acting. As for why she didn't tell you earlier - ANYONE who does things they're not proud of aren't going to openly and easily admit what they've done to just anyone. They'll open up once they've trusted that person enough. She apparently thought you would still love her and accept her, despite her the hardships she been thru. If you want to break up with her because you can't accept people do in fact change and sometimes go through hard times and do different things when experiencing life, then move on. If you're going to be thinking "stripper whore" every time you with her, then do her a favor and take an exit to the left.

A stripper and a prostitute is entirely two diff things and I don't care what anybody says, its different. When I think stripper, I think dancer, flexible, entertainment because that's what I know. You have nasty cheap ones but some are really good entertainers.

[Starnique]

I'm happy my current guy isn't that lame.

[smackie9]

I say breakup with her because she is not the quailty woman you thought she was....that's all you need is one of your best men in your wedding party to nudge you, wink and say "She looked so hot in a g-string".

[Valixy]

It's not who people were but who they have become that counts. Or not?

[surfhb2]

Surfhb, I don't think she's a bad person because of this, but c'mon, can't you see how a guy wouldn't want a serious relationship with someone who has ever been a prostitute? Even if they were doing it to feed their kids, a lot of guys, if not the vast majority, would not be accepting of that.

I totally understand it....just saying to look at the entire picture

[smackie9]

It's not who people were but who they have become that counts. Or not?

Not for everyone.....there is no way I would ever date a guy that has spent time in jail. I don't care how reformed he is....but that is my choice, it doesn't have to be someone else's.

[Dez1985]

I guess I have a lot to think about. I really can see a future with the new her but her past and possible being noticed bothers me. I'm not going to make any decisions yet. I have lots of things to weigh out.

[Valixy]

Not for everyone.....there is no way I would ever date a guy that has spent time in jail. I don't care how reformed he is....but that is my choice, it doesn't have to be someone else's.

Yes, you're right, people feel differently about things... :-)