Jealousy much

[RocketShark]

Okay, so here's the deal - my relationship has been sort of eating me up to the point that I find myself awake at 2:08 AM and with such a terrible feeling at my heart that I need to open up someone, anyone, for advice. Maybe I'll even feel better after posting this, who knows?

Basically, I'm in a beautiful relationship. I'm twenty-two years old and have gone through quite a few relationships since I've hit 14 years old but I haven't had one single girlfriend who has treated me well now. We've been dating for about a year now. There's absolutely nothing about her I don't like and I've fallen madly in love with everything that makes her...well, her.

Well nearly everything.

She has guy friends. A lot of guy friends. Now, normally this wouldn't even bug me, let alone keep me up at the middle of the night; I'm not old-fashioned in that sense because hey, we're in the twenty-first century and everyone is bound to have friends of the opposite gender and really, it doesn't mean anything at all. It's just the fact that so many of her guy friends do have a thing for her, or at least give off that impression. What do I mean by that? They hit on her constantly. Whether it's messages via Skype or comments about her body on Facebook, a good chunk of her friends are very outspoken about it. And to make matters worse, she never pointed out any of these things; I've always come across these comments by myself by sheer accident (as in we'd be on her laptop and she'd open Skype only for us both to see a friend of her's hitting on her and she quickly closing the window and apologizing). She assures me that they're not actually hitting on her and they've just been like that since ever.

Why is this bothering me so much? She's never given me reason to not trust her.

Anyway, thanks for listening. If any of you have been in a similar situation, please let me know.

Thanks!

PS: First time user here, wee

[AnErin]

Are they nice guys or bad boys?
If they are nice guys, you have nothing to worry about.

If they are bad boys, you know they are probably wanting a piece of your G/F's backside. Not the entire thing, just a smal piece

Nothing to worry about

[RocketShark]

Uh...

What?

[4 ratties]

She's not telling them to stop so she sound like an attention whore . Be careful. A girl like this that needs and loves male attention, might cheat. She's disrespecting u. Man up and tell her to tell these dudes to be respectful of the relationship or don't talk to her.

[JadenMia]

I'm not old fashioned at all, and I think that is pushing boundaries a little. She should really be ignoring the guys who hit on her because in reality they aren't really her friends.
If a man hits on me I tell them politely it's not appropriate and that I'm in a relationship.
I would bring it up to her, and see what she says. But don't attack her, just let her know that those kind of comments make you feel uneasy and see what her response is. If she does indeed respect you, she will make it stop.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree that it is okay to have friends of the opposite gender, but those friends should not be hitting on her while she is in a relationship. I don't even care if they mean nothing by it, and it really is just "innocent flirting." She is in a relationship, so it is inappropriate.

At the same time, don't mix up some guys just actually being nice guys to being them flirting. That has always been a pet peeve of mine, because I am a really nice guy to somebody who shows me they deserve it, male or female. So, I don't take kindly to being accused of flirting with a girl just because I am a good friend.

That said, it doesn't sound to me like you are mistaken. Commenting on her body, for example, is not just being a nice guy. So, I would just politely tell her it makes you a little uncomfortable. That you trust her, but just don't feel it is appropriate for her male friends to be hitting on her. If she is a good person she will understand and will respect your wishes. If her friends are good guys, they will understand and stop. Those who don't learn to be more respectful were never her friends to begin with, and she'd be better off without them.

Good luck. I hope it works out.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just bang another girl, then you're already one up on her, and it won't matter what she does with her other boyfriends.

Stop taking this girl so seriously. Stop letting your mind take you on a ride, and don't even consider things like marriage, future, kids, etc. with her. Think of it as just a college relationship. Have fun with her, but don't look at it as long term, and you probably sleep much better. Start detaching and looking for someone who suits you better long term.

She knows exactly what is going on, which is why she tries to close the windows as fast as possible, so you don't see.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, that or maybe she is secretly into something REALLY bizarre and is too embarrassed to admit it to you. After all, there is some crazy stuff on the Internet.

[Drattit]

My former wife was forever dropping the names of former dates, boyfriends, and "just acquaintances" but would never actually talk about and discuss them. Only name-dropping with a slight detail or two. After a little of this, I told her to stop as it was embarrassing to me that she did this in front of others never failing every time we were with someone usually male but also with females. It seemed to me she was bragging about her popularity with men. She called me jealous, crazy, and paranoid, and continued to do it for as long as we were married.

I half-agreed with her as she had trained me in guilt and insecurity and lack of self-confidence. Then one day, she dropped another new name while we were with one of her friends, and her friend, quite irritated with her, retorted, "You seem to have gone out with all the boys in your high school."

What a moment of clarity that was for me! Then I knew that she was always dropping names and mentioning the boys, the men, and famous men who'd taken her out. Along with her other peccadilloes, this one was something I felt I no longer had to forgive and forget, but wanted stopped. After the female friend left, I repeated with a laugh the friend's remark, and my wife became infuriated. She was never wrong, could never be wrong, would never admit wrong, and would never bend to my feelings or needs if they involved her foregoing any part of her vanity.

I loved divorcing her; she could not believe I was divorcing her. She couldn't get her head around it, but so I did and I'm very glad. I haven't missed her a single day . . .

[TheEvilJester]

Drattit, your specific situation does not sound very much like mine, but your ex-wifes overall attitude sure as Hell does. The whole "I can never be wrong, it is always everybody else's fault" kind of attitude make me think of my loser ex-wife. My ex will tell half-truths and even blatantly lie in order to change a story to make herself look like little miss innocent. And she can never admit to being wrong. Even when she pretends to be sorry and pretends she admits she was in the wrong, it is only face to face and for show. Behind the person's back, she actually still blames them 100%. God, I don't know why it took me so long to end that relationship. I am so much better off, it isn't even funny....

And that's coming from an Evil Jester. LOL!