I am in in a square knot, forget straitjackets

[LCMS0516]

I have a situation that is bugging me, and know ahead of time, someone will rake me over the coals about it. But I still need input. So I am prepared. First I need to layout the individual dating history.

Me(U.S.): Nov.'02-Jan.'07, July' 07-Present

Her: 2002-2004(fiance killed in Fallujah, Iraq), 2005, married 2006(separated 2009, divorce still pending), 09-Present

The woman that is the reason for my posting this, I met online(have not met in person) in 2003, via an online support group that my (ex)fiance happened to be a member of. (I had joined the group to enable me to get a better understanding, and appreciation of what my (ex)fiance was subjected to, as child)

The woman n' I even helped each other out with some tough situations despite the distance 2,000+ miles, and one country boarder.

When her fiance(the one killed in Iraq) broke up with her, prior to his second tour of duty in Iraq, she contacted me in tears. I insisted she give me his Yahoo Messenger contact info. She eventually gave in, and gave it to me, even though she feared what would happen. I got a hold of him. Of course, his not knowing who I was, he responded with vulgarity and contempt. I eventually got him to calm down, and tell me his reason for the breakup. It was very sad. He told me had a premonition, that he wouldn't make it through the second tour of duty. I told him, that was not stupid, or something to be ashamed of. Then he n' I decided, that he would tell her, why he broke up with her. He told her. But sadly, his premonition came true. I was so deeply affected by what happened to him, that I had a special remembrance bracelet made with all his military info on it.

When I was having problems with my (ex)fiance, I asked the woman, if she could talk to my (ex)fiance. Since they knew each other. Thankfully, She was not successful. I say it that way because I am glad I am not with my ex any longer.

There has always been a mysterious connection between her n' I. That neither my fiance, or her fiance have liked. Her fiance n' my fiance, have tried to get us to break it off. But every time we try, it hasn't lasted long.

She nearly died in 2012 as a result of a toxic pregnancy. When her fiance told me via Yahoo Messenger, I was immediately scared that she might die. Because she fell in to a coma for six weeks. It was then, that I realized how I really felt about her. That I love her, while I love my fiance at the same time. I thought the feelings would go away with time, but they never have. She and her fiance separated three months ago due to constant arguing, but are spending the weekend together, in a couple weeks. The he is going back to his house, and she is going back to the house she shares with her mother.

Prior to her nearly dying, I never cried about virtually anything. Ever since she recovered from her coma, I have been having short crying fits, about anything.

But my reason for mentioning all this is, when we chat on Yahoo Messenger and I happen to go somewhere without telling her, she gets' upset. Not like a conniption fit. But upset.

Ladies, Please may I have your feedback, on why she would behave this way when I am suddenly gone?

P.S. Every dumb relationship test, first with my fiance, then with my online friend, keeps saying I should be with my online friend instead of my fiance.

[basilandthyme]

You have three choices:

1. commit to your fiance and stop contact with the penpal. Your fiance is absolutely correct that your level of emotional intimacy with her is inappropriate.

2. dump your girlfriend and try things with the Canadian girl. If you do this route, consider who will move and how you'll feel if the grass really isn't greener.

3. dump your girlfriend and spend some time single working out what you really want for yourself and in a girlfriend

[LCMS0516]

You have three choices:

1. commit to your fiance and stop contact with the penpal. Your fiance is absolutely correct that your level of emotional intimacy with her is inappropriate.

2. dump your girlfriend and try things with the Canadian girl. If you do this route, consider who will move and how you'll feel if the grass really isn't greener.

3. dump your girlfriend and spend some time single working out what you really want for yourself and in a girlfriend

Thank you for responding. My fiance suggested again yesterday, a woman local to me, that I have no interest in.

Some people online have said, my fiance could be making these suggestions to date other women, out of guilt. Then it has also been said that my fiance could be testing my commitment when she makes the suggestions to date other women. But it has been 2.5yrs since we saw each other physically face-to-face.

[basilandthyme]

You haven't seen your fiance for 2.5 years? Holy shit! Either I'm a really crap reader, or you're leaving very pertinent stuff out.

Dump your fiance. If she's telling you to date other women then a) she doesn't want you anymore but doesn't have the balls to dump you or b) she's a game player which you don't want anyway.

Does this make it easier?

[Wakeup]

Yahoo Messenger? How old is this story?