We got really close and now she wants to be friends

[pedderz]

Hi all,

I started talking to a woman outside my office back in September who works in the building next door. We occasionally bumped into each other and got to like her and also felt she liked me.

I didn�t see her for over a month but then started seeing her again and so thought to ask her out. We went out on a date in December and it went really well. She�s 36 and I�m 38 with 2 kids from a previous relationship which ended 4 years ago. I made her aware of this on the first date and she was a bit shocked but I wanted to honest. Anyway, I stayed with her that night but we only kissed and got quite close so nothing sexual. She made me aware that she didn�t want sex at an early stage as she wants to get to know me first and take it from there. Of course the urge was there but I respected her for that as I wasn�t looking for a one night stand.

We again saw each other about 5 times in 2 weeks and stayed at each other�s place a few more times. She and I had the same vibe and all looked positive. Then just before the new year, she sends me a text saying that things are moving too fast for her and would like to slow down. I said fine no problem.

I then started getting a gut instinct that she lost interest for some reason. I never bombarded her with messages nor calls as I didn�t want to be seen as being pushy. We eventually met up as I wanted to talk to her to find out exactly what was her feelings and why the sudden change. She says that she had a �reality check� which I found a bit sh*t of an excuse but still wanted to go out every so often.

We went out once a week since then but I noticed that she put up this kind of brick wall and I wasn�t getting the same response as before the new year. She stopped texting in the last week and delayed any response to me inviting her out or would say that she has plans already.

I reverted to delaying any contact for a week and decided to ask her out this weekend. She replies back saying that she�s away and it would be best if we stay friends and doesn�t want to mess me around.

What bothers me is that after all the closeness, trust building, positivity and the affection all switched off in a day. She also told me that she�d told her friends, family and work colleagues about us and they said that they were really happy for her etc. I�m inclined to just ignore her text and forget any friendship she�s suggesting as she let me in, played a game, has messed me around due to the great outlook in the short space of time we had and allowed my feelings for her to grow.

Part of me says I should just reply back and say �Messed me around? You already did, so the friendship thing won�t work.� The other part of me says to just ignore the message, forget it, don�t reply back, ignore her completely if I bump into her and move on.

I�ve dated over the last few years and have had no problem walking away from something I can see not being positive or having a great outlook, as I�ve not been keen on the others. I know it sounds stupid that it was still at an early stage and I should just let it be but with this one it�s harder as I actually got to really like her plus the fact that the signs were looking good.

Anyway, I can move on and not dwell on this but wanted to see what peoples opinion was first.

Thanks,

Pedz

[Amy90]

To me it sounds like she doesn't want a relationship. It is very important to discuss each others intentions early on in the relationship to avoid confusion or getting hurt but a week is still too early to discuss such things unless you are looking for a relationship.
I would suggest moving on and avoid seeing her. I wouldn't contact her, it is best to leave things civil especially because you might bump into again. My best advice is to kill her with kindness.

[smackie9]

Maybe she does really like you overall....nice guy, attractive, has a job, etc, but there was no chemistry. She gave you a shot, she wasn't feeling it, so she backs off. Don't be bitter about it, not everyone you really like is going to feel the same way. Now you know what those you dated in the past must have felt after you backed off.