I need your opinions!

[itsjustmeok]

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 1 year and a half, but we don't live together yet since we're both going to college. During the Christmas or summer break, we spent a lot of time together. Sometimes, we would be together 24h/24h, 5 days a week. But we were also fighting a lot. I thought that it was normal, since we were always with each other, but then a friend told me something that made me doubt... he said that if we're not able to be with eachother for a week without fighting, then we'll never be able to live together in the same house in the future.

What do you think about this? Do you guys think he's right?
Thanks in advance.

[surfhb2]

I think your friend is right and why do you have such a serious relationship while in school?

[Rowen]

I don't doubt that your friend is right. Being together as much as you have is (in a way) a step towards moving in together, but if you two can't handle it, you're not ready for that step.

My advice is to try to work through your problems with him and, instead of fighting, try talking. Never underestimate the power of direct communication...
However, are these fights petty or about something deeper?

[itsjustmeok]

They're petty

[HeartIsAching]

Which one of you is being petty? How are they being petty?

[El Cid]

I agree with Rowen

Fighting isn't the end but a step to move closer.
Try to work it out if you are serious about him.

[TheEvilJester]

It doesn't necessarily mean that you couldn't work, but it certainly isn't a good first step. If you can't spend a week together with out fighting, that certainly isn't a good sign. Especially with it being a relatively new concept to you. You'd expect it would have been exciting to live together for the first time, even if only briefly.

That said, sometimes living with somebody 24 hours a day does take some adjusting. So, it isn't necessarily a death sentence. You just need to determine if it was just petty things that can easily be resolved, or if you two would just not be able to get along living together. Obviously, I assume your eventual goal is to be with somebody for the rest of your life. If you can't stand to be with them for even a few days, how will that ever happen? So, you really need to work and see if the fights were something that would always happen, or if you two can learn to live together and actually enjoy each others company more often than not. There will always be fights now and then in any relationship, but they shouldn't be constant. Good luck. I hope you find your way.

[Rowen]

They're petty

Okay, would you care to elaborate on what you mostly fight about? Maybe give us an example or two?

[itsjustmeok]

Well sometimes we fight because I want to, as an example, watch a movie or take a walk when he feels like doing something else. Or some other time, when he's tired, I may unvoluntarily annoy him and he just gets impatient so we fight.

[itsjustmeok]

Thanks a lot, TheEvilJester, for taking your time to write such a long paragraph! Your comments really helped me! Thanks to everyone else too!!! You guys are great.

[Rowen]

Well sometimes we fight because I want to, as an example, watch a movie or take a walk when he feels like doing something else. Or some other time, when he's tired, I may unvoluntarily annoy him and he just gets impatient so we fight.

Well, in this case, I think it's necessary for you both to learn to pick your battles if this relationship is going to work. And when in doubt, sometimes it's best to compromise; have you ever tried that? If you haven't and are being faced with a situation where it's like the movie or walk, why not do both? After all, both can be equally rewarding to spending time together; it doesn't just have to be one or the other. Not to mention, compromising can put you in a place where you're both free to get what you want out of a relationship instead of one just giving in to the other.

Not to mention, I think it's best for both of you to directly communicate in a TALKING manner when you're faced with the second scenario.. When you sense that an argument is developing, stop for about thirty seconds, take a deep breath, and listen to his side. Listen to how he feels, and be UNDERSTANDING- not spiteful. And once he finishes, then you share your side with him in a calm, non-argumentative fashion. I think that if both of you listen to the other and actually get a grasp about how the other feels, it'll open the door to the two of you starting to notice the signs with one another.

For example, if you're involuntarily annoying him and you notice him start to get a bit agitated, maybe just back off a little and allow him some space. And he can do the same for you if he's getting on your nerves. I include this because, like it or not, if you two are going to have a future together, you're going to have to find a way to co-exist under the same roof and notice when you're about to upset the other.. And I feel that if you do that, you'll be able to stop yourselves from arguing and allow yourselves to grow closer than ever before.

Because, honestly, if I were in either your shoes or his, I would be thinking that either something needs to change or that it's time to find someone else... :S

EDIT: It's kind of sad, but we're the only species which, one on one, finds reasons to hurt/destroy the other. The key is not to allow that primal instinct to take over.

[itsjustmeok]

Wow, thanks a lot Rowen! We'll follow your advice! Thanks for taking your time to help me!!!

[Rowen]

Wow, thanks a lot Rowen! We'll follow your advice! Thanks for taking your time to help me!!!

Anytime- glad everyone on the forum could help you! Best of luck to you both!

[basilandthyme]

I can only echo what the others have said. Picking your battles is one of the secrets to having a good relationship. It's also important to try and avoid picking a fight when one of you is tired or hungry. Everything seems worse when you're tired or hungry.

[Amy90]

I use to be in a relationship like this. I thought it was normal to fight so often but found out it really isn't normal, its quite unhealthy. My ex had a temper so it was hard to reason with him but your case might be different. If you love him and want it to work 100% than you need to put effort towards compromising. If your in the wrong say SORRY, and if he is in the wrong Dont guilt trip him (things i use to do). It definitely takes two to fix a relationship so be sure he is just as willing to make things work. And if anything there is always couples counseling.
Hope this helps