I had sex with him and now feel attached

[char12]

I've been seeing this guy for a month and have only been on 3 dates. He's been giving me mixed messages, sometimes he takes hours to respond to texts and the dates always end up with making out. I've stopped it progressing a couple of times and when I asked him if it was all about sex he said "he wouldn't have taken me out if it was". He contacts me everyday pretty much and calls sometimes for no reason.

He was supposed to stay over this week but I decided it wouldn't be a good idea as it would probably lead to sex, and suggested we go out the following day.He was fine with it and continued to act normal. So yesterday he comes to mine before we go out, for a drink, and one thing just led to another (so much for saying he couldn't stay over). I promised myself I wouldn't have sex with him but when it came to it I couldn't resist, and convinced myself it would only be sex and i'd keep my emotions in check and that this may not lead to anything. I thought this would be easy as I expected it to be quick, pretty meaningless sex as he mentioned he'd been with quite a few girls. I thought I'd be able to pull it off too but I'm not too experienced and got quite nervous and it was hurting a bit, and he was perfect. He took his time with me and looked after me and it just turned into a massive effort on his part to please me and make me comfortable. Afterwards he took me to dinner and acted even more into me if anything, it was the first time he'd held my hand and he was putting his hand on my back and touching me.. we had a really nice time. He text me that night saying he had a great time.

It's the morning after and I now feel a million times more attached to him, which was the risk I took but I didn't imagine the sex to be like that. Now I have that awful constant, anxious, vulnerable feeling. I do want a relationship with him in the long run but was not having sex with him to achieve this, I did it because I wanted to and I don't even really regret it considering how lovely he was. I just didn't think I'd feel this way about him afterwards. I'm worried he now only sees me as a friend with benefits anyway.The stupid thing is I have been through this before with an ex boyfriend, and ended up coming out of it devastated and taking a year to get over it. I just felt more confident I wouldn't become attached this time and it would be nice to have a bit of fun with somebody I liked, but I can honestly see me being very hurt by this. I feel like cutting my losses now and reject him before he has chance to reject me so I won't be as hurt. How should I proceed?

[Boisdevie]

Tell him he can either:
1. Give you the sort of relationship you want or
2. Improve his masturabation techniques 'cos that's all he's going to get from now on.

[Starnique]

That's why its better to lay out what you're looking for before you have sex with someone or make sure that they have a genuine interest in you prior to becoming physical. I know you claimed you didn't want a relationship but lots of females get attached after sex, especially if its good so its better to have clear communication just to make sure you can read how the guy is feeling, just in case you catch feelings since the chances of that happening is high.

Its like Boisdevie said, he can either give you what you're looking for or you can move on. Don't keep having sex with him if he cant get with you on that level, if so you'll keep feeling empty afterwards and eventually used.

[Wakeup]

I'm worried he now only sees me as a friend with benefits

Well let me make this clear to you so that you can stop worrying.

1. You will not be a booty call if you don't allow yourself to be a booty call. You are the boss of you and all you need to do differently is start framing yourself as the prize that he should be happy to be with. If he's not happy to be with you, then you have to have the gurlballzzzz to stop seeing him. PERIOD. You sound desperate and pathetic by placing your life in his hands when you've only been on three effing dates with this guy. WTF? He's not god.

2. If the sex for him was as good as it was for you, then no matter how he views you ~ he will be back for more of the same. When he comes back. Don't allow him to frame it as a booty call. If he wants to do something where there is a bed handy, then you just tell him that you'd like to go to the show or a bite to eat or a walk in the park or a ride on the subway--- anything other then framing yourself as booty. If he doesn't take you out, then fvck him and the horse he rode in on. STOP STOP STOP. Framing him as the prize that you'll die without. FFS.

BTW: You will booty (not friends with benefits) if you allow yourself to be. You have to have been friends prior to screwing before you can be a FWB.

Harsh? Well sorry but when I read desperation like that My inner bitch comes out so that you realize that you are more important then you think you are and that you DO NOT have to place all your power in the hands of a man you don't even yet know. Keep it real ffs.

[HeartIsAching]

Well let me make this clear to you so that you can stop worrying. WTF? He's not HIA.

DAMN RIGHT he ain't.

[Rowen]

Wakeup is right. You need to tell him that you're in it for a relationship and that if he isn't, he needs to walk away. Don't allow yourself to stand for something you don't want.

[seecrithiding]

Are you kidding me?
You posted here days ago all worried that this dude only wanted to f*ck, and myself and a whole ton of other people told you this was the case, so you did him and now you're miserable because ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS f*ck!

-shakes my head-

[4 ratties]

have a serious talk with him about where u guys stand