Getting real with marriage

[redrum]

My wife and I have known each other 8 years and been married almost 5 years. We have great chemistry both physical and otherwise and I genuinely think we're meant to be together.

I've done my bit sidestepping questions like "Do I look fat in this dress?", "Am I looking pretty today?", "Is my make-up looking okay?" or "Were you checking that girl out?" and I feel that 8 years in, it's high time we be a bit more honest with each other. This is starting to cause serious issues in our relationship - my wife thinks I have changed and that I don't love her anymore and repeatedly accuses me of lying to her and disregarding her feelings.

I love her dearly but I really don't want to spend the rest of my life not being able to speak my mind all the time with the most important person in my life.

What should I do?

[IndiReloaded]

Really? Tell her she's beautiful more often.

[basilandthyme]

It's a bad move to change yourself after 8 years of marriage. You're doing a 'bait and switch' on her. She chose you because of the way you behaved when you were dating and engaged, yes? If you wanted a marriage in which you could say what you thought more easily, you should have started out as you planned to continue.

If she's seeing you checking out other women, it's a sign you need to be more discreet.

Lastly, it's worth looking up the 5 Languages of Love. There are very different ways that we show our love and interpret love in return. Your wife's language is clearly "words of affirmation". Yes, you can ignore it if you want.....but imagine how you'd feel if your love language was, say, physical touch and she didn't care to show love in that way.

[smackie9]

Wow you are just clueless.....honesty isn't always the best policy. She asks those questions because she loves it when you reassuring her and say nice things. She knows she looks fat in that dress and she isn't looking all that great first thing in the morning, she just wants to feel appreciated and loved. Don't rob her of that by telling her like it is. It's no wonder she's upset.

[michelle23]

I am not sure what your qs is. Are you planning to tell your wife she is fat? Or that you look at other women? What would that achieve other than making her feel more insecure

[spanz]

yeah, I am looking for your question too. Some women, more so than men I think, need a lot of re-assurance. You need to tell them you love them, like how funny they are, like the things you do for them, love what they do in bed. You let them know this by TELLING them, small things like in the middle of the day you chat "been thinking of you, can't wait to get home".....

If she is packing on the pounds like a gorilla, that is one thing. If she is trying to look good and stay healthy, even if it is not working too well, that deserves praise and encouragement. Trust me the marriage and the sex will be many times better if she is secure in knowing you still love her.

[Rowen]

Being honest is good, but keep it within reason... Don't say anything which will hurt her like "Yup, you're fat. Shall I strap on another sack of feed, saddlebags?" or "Yeah, I was checking that girl out. Isn't she hot? I think she reminds me of what you used to look like but with blonde hair."... You don't give answers like that because how would you like it if she revealed similar ideas about you? Pick your honest answers...

However, if you feel like she's not giving enough understanding sometimes or that you feel like you're not communicating enough, that would be a good time to be completely honest because they're feelings. No one can fault you for feeling the way that you do...

But definitely give her more attention. It sounds like she's not getting enough of that.
EDIT: Follow the Kenny Rogers formula...
Buy her a rose.
Call her from work.
Open a door for her, and show her you love her by the look in your eyes.

[RambleOn]

You have to be honest with your wife and she has to be honest with you. It cuts both ways. Honesty up front will save you down the road. If you say to her "well honey you have put on a few pounds" dont get butt hurt when she says "well sweety you replaced your sick pack with a keg." Maybe start going to the gym together and do some exercise together. Sometimes a little emotional tension is good just dont talk to her in a disrespectful manner. Remember if you cannot stand up to her you will never be able to stand up for her.