Am I right to be concerned/jealous of GF new male friend?

[cowoflove]

My girlfriend has recently been talking more about a guy (who is single) whom she works with 2 days of the week. I have known about him for a while, however it just seems more recently she mentions him in her recap on work. They now seem to message each other a lot on facebook. She has been very open with me about it however it still gets to me so i decided to check her facebook messages.

The messages are standard chit chat however there are always lots of smiley faces in them and its gone from only a few messages a week to every day.

He has told her she should come see his band (as friends) and they did message to arrange a time to meet up for a coffee outside of work (again using the expression as friends to show they are both clear on that) which without me having to ask her, my girlfriend told me about, however i could tell she knew i wouldn't be that happy about it and i told her that i wasnt and that i would only be so if there was another person there with them.

She has female friends but doesnt seem to make much effort keeping in touch, maybe a text here and there and the odd coffee. Just recently she has hit it off with this guy so they message a lot more than she does her female friends.

I want to say i trust my girlfriend but the fact im writing this now obviously means i have issues. We have talked about it, the not wanting her to meet him outside work and also that i am a little uncomfortable that they now seem to be messaging each other a lot more. She says she understands, however things seem a little uncomfortable around us so now starting to feel like im the bad guy.

Is it wrong for me to not want her to go for a coffee and be chatting to him all the time? I worry that although she may be totally innocent in her behaviour, the guy might think otherwise. I did come across one message which although seemed totally innocent, said that chatting to him at work is the highlight of her day. Although it was probably written with innocent meaning, its messages like this that worry me as i dont know how the guy reads into it

advice from both sexes would be great as this is eating me up!! Thanks

[Starnique]

Sometimes people can't read into the things the way an opposite sex can. Meaning, you're a man and you know how men operate, therefore it may be innocent on her part but you know better and where things can lead.

I don't think its wrong that you feel some sort of way about your girl hanging out with another guy that much. Communicating at work? Whatever but it needs to stay at work and even then she should take it easy. Highlight of her day? I would be pissed if I seen that in my guys phone. Its easy for feelings to develop between the opposite sex whether intentional or not. Communicate this with her. Be straight up. Tell her you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable.

If she doesn't understand it then that's stupid on her part. As a woman, common sense should tell her that her guy wouldn't like that.

[CrasherRob8]

I think you need to communicate more with your girlfriend. Express to her that you trust her but since you don't know him that you don't really trust him. Perhaps ask her if you three could go out or do a double date type thing so you can get to know him and he can get to know you.

You'd be able to find out a lot more about what's going on between them two by looking at body language between them

[woody]

Your not wrong to be concerned. Not saying you can't trust your lady; in all likelihood you can. Its about comfort zones. But we get along with whom we get along with regardless of what's between the legs. If your lady has a new friend, invite him over for dinner; you'll get a better sense of who this guy is and what he wants with your lady. Above advice given from the others is golden.

ONe last thing. If this guy makes you uncomfy, your lady ought drop him. You'd do the same right?
good luck

[michelle23]

This is a typical emotional affair. If I was in your shoes-I would be ending the relationship now before it turns into a physical affair

[4 ratties]

how would she feel if the roles were reversed? I bet she'd be freaking out if u were having coffee and face book messaging some girl. if she doesnt stop id break up with her. They are getting too close for comfort.

[Wakeup]

No it is not wrong for you to not want her to be going for coffee (or any other date like activity one-on-one) with another guy. You've spoken to her and she's agreed to keep their interaction to work related things. Hopefully she understood that what she's doing is a very fundamental relationship boundary cross. Lets hope she doesn't already have a romantic crush on him.

She says she understands, however things seem a little uncomfortable around us so now starting to feel like im the bad guy.

Well you can stop feeling like you're the "bad guy." She's told you she understands so now, just give her your full attention and start courting her again like you once did. Soon enough she'll forget the dude, particularly if she really does understand .