Do you think he lost interest?

[holsie]

SORRY FOR THE LONG THREAD, IS SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND SITUATION.

So I recently started dating a guy I met online. From the moment we met we got on really well. We laughed and joked and had a lot to talk about. We were sitting really close to each other and the time went really quickly. He kept touching me and I was very attracted to him. He kissed me twice - once in the bar and then once in his car after he dropped me off.

The next day he texted me saying he had had a really good night and joked about some of the things that had happened during the date. We sent back a few very flirting teasing messages and set up a date for the following Monday. On Wednesday he stopped replying after a few texts, but I didn’t think much. He texted two days later with a random teasing text. Then again on Sunday, and we confirmed plans for Monday.

On the Monday we met and went out for dinner (he paid) and then drinks. We were joking and telling lots of random stories and it was just really relaxed and fun. We had decided to go to his to watch a movie where I had a brief encounter with his parents as he lives at home because he’s saving for a mortgage. They seemed to know a little bit about me. We went to his room and just made out for the entire movie, but also told stories and spoke about lots of different things to do with our lives. We were very flirty and tickling each other, and general teasing. He drove me home, and kissed me goodbye. I texted him a short message the next day saying I had a really good time, and included a joke we had. He texted back too late that night for me to reply, and I hadn’t replied by 10am the next day when he sent another text asking if I could meet Thursday.

We met Thursday but because he was really tired from a very long day at work (he’s a police officer, so pretty demanding physically and mentally) we just went to his where I spoke to his parents more this time. They asked a lot of questions about me, and seemed to know details about how we met. We went up to his room and made out again, with more teasing and random banter and asked each other a few series questions. He then said something, and I giggled to which he said ‘You like me don’t you!’ in a teasing way. I just buried my head in his neck and he said ‘Your bright red face tells me you do. Don’t worry, because I like you too. A lot’. When he drove me home, he said I should text him to arrange which day the following week suited me for us to meet again.

I texted him the following day, and he took a while to reply but he said he’d been out all day with friends. He agreed to the day to meet, and we sent a few random texts back and forth. I was at home with housemates and he was at home as well, and said he could see where he wasn’t wanted and I sensed he was trying to get an invite. He said he wouldn’t invite himself over and that also sometimes it was nice to feel wanted. I changed the topic and sent some stupid really random text that he didn’t respond to. I thought maybe I’d upset him changing the topic and so I sent a text saying he didn’t have to worry about feeling wanted because I wanted him. It wasn’t meant to be anything serious but he didn’t reply. I left it.

On Tuesday I realised Thursday may be difficult transport wise to meet him at a good time and so texted asking him if that night suited better. He texted with nothing flirty (but my text hadn’t been either) and said sorry he had plans but he thought we were already meeting Thursday. I said no, it’s fine, Thursday is probably ok and explained why it had been an issue. I texted back an hour later saying Thursday was definitely ok, I had fixed the issue (work issue). He didn’t respond so I texted him the following day a very short message just to confirm. He texted saying sorry he’d had the flu. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel the following day but would let me know. I texted back a little flirty message saying to let me know, but I could give him cuddles to make him feel better. He responded the next day saying the cuddles sounded good, especially from me and that I’d have to be extra nice. I said of course I’d be nice, and wouldn’t even try and tickle him. An hour later he said actually he wasn’t really feeling too great and didn’t know if he’d be great company. I said I didn’t mind, that I wouldn’t mind cheering him up. And said I wasn’t feeling the best either due to a hard week from family things and could use the company myself. I said otherwise we could organise something for another day, and that I’d like to see him soon. He said he was about to have a sleep, he’d let me know how he was feeling after. He texted back a few hours later saying he did feel better, could he still come round. I said yes.

When he showed up he did look really tired. My DVD player decided to be a bitch so we just started making out. Before that he had asked what my family stuff was and I told him my mum had been diagnosed with anxiety probably due to my dad having depression most of my life. I also said I had insomnia occasionally. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have told him this but he did ask. Once we were making out I stopped him and said I was a little worried he would just leave me after. That I didn’t want that as I actually liked him. He said he couldn’t determine where things would go and we’d just have to take things one step at a time. We couldn’t know what would happen in a month, a year or 5 years etc. I said no that’s fine, I agree I just wanted to be sure. We ended up having AMAZING sex and it did feel quite passionate. 

Before sex he had said he’d be really busy over the next 2-3 weeks. Two weeks of an intensive training course for riot police and then lots of shifts straight after to utilise his training in a real life sense. He said his work had ruined relationships before. I said I understood how busy he was and it’s fine. Mentioning that I can’t be one of those people who see’s a bf everyday. Like my best friend. I didn’t say this to mean we’re in a relationship. I said I was quite independent and that I was busy over the next two weeks myself anyway. He at one point made a joke about one night stands and I said I didn’t intend for him to be a one night stand. He does joke a LOT thought. He joked about turning his cat into a rug!

He said with his course he had two weeks off and I asked what he planned to do during that time. And he said sleeping because it would be very intense. I said it would be nice to see him. He said he’d let me know - he didn’t even know until he got there when his two days off were. I did say a few times I wouldn’t like to see him if he could manage for those two days, and it would be annoying not seeing him for a few weeks. But didn’t say anything like ‘oh let’s organise when we’ll see each other next’ because it’s so far away.
We did have unprotected sex and he asked me if I usually did that, and I said not normally. And he asked if I had to trust the person, and I said I did. He was a bit worried my pill wouldn’t work and I said don’t worry it will be fine. He said make sure I let him know the outcome. We did tell a few other random sex stories, but we have done that a bit, he says he doesn’t see it as weird conversation with anyone.

When he left there wasn’t much of a vibe. I said I’ll see you soon as he gave me a quick kiss. I have heard nothing since from him, but he’s at his training course now and has been for two days. Plus he had work Friday as well. I’m a bit worried about it, and I am worried I gave him the impression I was clingy. Bad enough for any guy but he wouldn’t need it in his job.

Would texting him message after a week if he has sent nothing be ok? Not clingy then? I figure he’s quite busy at the course so I’m not taking it as a normal situation in regards to texting game. I don’t even know what access to reception/signal there is or how much spare time he has.

I’m so confused

[holsie]

Oh, and he still logs on to the dating site I met him on. However we've only been on a few dates, and I do too so I don't necessarily think this as a bad thing. He hasn't logged in since he went away to the training course.

[Mattiemae]

I would say things moved a little to fast because of course we mix sex and lust up with intimacy and a healthy relationship. Really sex gets in the way of building a strong foundation in a relationship. I'm not trying to say sex is bad, because of course it isn't, but the thing is there are lots of men that just have sex because that is what they want versus a relationship that is intimate.

Really you need to slow down with this guy. Get to know him more on a friendship basis. The problem in rushing to fast is you get wound up emotionally and think a guy wants to stick around because he has sex or is affectionate. It's nothing to do with a long term relationship or love.

Sex is sex without strings attached. My guess is, he got what he wanted and moved on. The thing is you have to understand if sex is like the first phase of your relationship it really isn't about the relationship at all but sex gratification. When I was dating online I had rules. Sex within the first fifteen minutes usually indicated they were just looking for sex and a good time. If they were bothering me about sex even after that for a month or so, it was just about sex. lol It's quite clear if sex is the usual topic or flirting it's all about that, and if you find a guy that really has something to share with you on an intellectual and intimate level they will share various topics of art, literature, poetry, music, etertainment, or what ever. There more interested in who you are, than what they can get from you.

Not saying this guy won't come back again for more, they usually do once they know you will give them sex, but the thing is you didn't set boundaries to begin with, and the more you abstain from sex, the more you will attract men that want to be around you for your inner beauty and intelligence versus the outside and sex.

Hope that helps you some!