Is this fix-able?

[alr85]

Rewind to a year and a half ago. I met a really great man when I went out with a friend who was in town. I am a teacher and am in the process of adopting my foster daughter who I have had since birth. Before I met him, we were happy and I felt really great about myself. (She just turned 3) Me and this guy hit it off really fast and things were really intense. He was great to my child, great to me and was always going out of his way to show us that he loved us both. This made me feel comfortable about him moving in after 7 months even though I'm kicking myself in the butt now. He moved into my very small townhome. He was a drinker to begin with but once he moved in, his drinking increased to 4 nights a week and it wasn't just a few beers.. it is drinking until he's totally hammered. I can tell that he became depressed and he stopped wanting to come home. Life with a child and a new puppy was way more stressful than he expected. I feel bad because I wasn't very understanding at the time that he went from having as much freedom as he wanted to squeezing into a 1200 sq. ft. home with a baby and a lab puppy. It was a life that I was used to. It's like he immediately was pushed into a father role (not because of me but because it is naturally how my child began to see him). He wanted it at first. He loved the idea of being her dad. (I never let her call him dad though-- she knew to call him ---) Through all of this he was still very good to her. The sex between us stopped as well as the showing me that he cared. His work requires him to work on the weekends and he is a HUGE football fan and devotes his Sundays to football.. which I tried to be understanding about but I began to hate football when he was already giving us so little of his time. It's like we had become married and he began resenting us. After the sex stopped, I started nit-picking at him. The sad part is that when he did start trying harder to give me what I needed after a big talk, I still nit-picked at him and pushed him away. Ultimately, his bachelor-esque choices and my neurotic nagging, we both decided he needed to move out. Then 2 days before he was set to do so though, I changed my mind and promised him I could change and had a really yucky, weak, let's face it pathetic moment and begged him to stay. Since then we've only had minimal contact regarding the dog that he took with and is now getting rid or (or has gotten rid of). I'm being respectful of his time and I'm not going to contact him. However, it's sad because when he left, he told me that he really loves me and my daughter. It's sad because we didn't break up for lack of love. We just moved too fast Is this fix-able after some space? Help His family has reached out to me and told me they are so upset with him and they hope that after some time and getting his selfishness out of the way, he will realize how much he wants us in his life and he will be willing to do what he needs to do to give us what we deserve. I'm not going to dwell on the break-up. If the situation arises where I can date, I will. I just want to know if anyone has bounced back after an ugly situation like this and been successful?

[Tall Penguin]

I'm sorry, but from everything you have said it is not fixable, at least not to the point where you can have a healthy relationship.

Yes, he says he loves you and your daughter, and he does. But he doesn't love you more than booze or football. Before the two of you can have a relationship he needs to understand who he is and not be fleeing his reality through getting plastered. The fact that he is depressed on top of everything else means that he is not satisfied.

Be fortunate youg got out of this when you did.

[alr85]

I appreciate your honesty and help. You sound exactly like my friends who have watched this unfold from the beginning. They went from loving him to wanting to kill him. Can you at least just give me a little insight and then I'll be able to move on? I know you can't speak for certain but is this hurting him, too? I don't know why but knowing that he's hurting too will give me a little bit of closure. I guess it will give some value back to the time we did spend together He did call me after the superbowl and a night of drinking and when he was talking he was referring to me as babe and baby. The following day I told him he can't contact me anymore and say those things. My heart just hurts.