SOS. Really need advice. Feel confused about a guy.

[Maria0101]

Hi everyone!

I have never used forums before as I was never so confused about a guy as I am now.
I really hope you can give me some advice as to how I should act and what this guy feels towards me/wants from me.

It all started more than a year ago on exchange. He seen me in university and he contacted me through social network (he was also an exchanger). I did not notice him and I didn't feel any attraction towards him, plus I never suffered from lack of attention from guys, so I didn't really care much about him. He was really stubborn in his attempts to see me (physically going to my room in dormitories) and inviting me to his birthday, etc. Yet I never agreed to see him and I told him that I am not interested in him, especially after I found out that he has a reputation of a "womanizer". I was replying very politely to his messages and we were sometimes chatting on social network, but I could never imagine this chatting would last a year (especially when exchange was finished, he still continued messaging me).
His messaging patterns were weird. He would message me and we could chat for a week very intensively and then he would disappear for a month, which I didn't really care about at that time as I didn't think we will ever see each other, plus I had a boyfriend. Yet, after a year he decided to come and visit me for a weekend. This came as a shock for me as I didn't expect it, however I agreed to see him. It was an interesting weekend, because it was stressful, yet interesting at the same time. I didn't have anything intimate with him except kissing. First of all I didn't want it then, I wasn't ready and secondly, I didn't trust him because of his reputation being Casanova.
He contacted me in three days after the weekend (three day rule) and we chatted for a week until he pulled a disappearance act for a month. I was going crazy and I did contact him once only asking a random question trying not to show my interest. He did reply, yet he still disappeared. I didn't contact him too, because first of all I never messaged him first, secondly because I am proud and I got offended. Later he explained that he disappeared because I went on holidays with my boyfriend and he didn't want to message me then.
When he re-appeared I didn't reply for a week (he messaged me 4 times and called me on the phone). I broke up with my boyfriend after that holiday (after nearly 4 years in relationship) and I was angry and hurt, so I didn't want this disappearing and re-appearing game again. But I replied to 4th message of his. As soon as I told him about break up, he immediately came to see me on nearest weekend.
It was a great weekend, but....
1. He lied to me - he also had a girlfriend. He cried saying that he will break up with her, that I also had a boyfriend and I didn't reply, etc. etc. etc.
2. He still has his womanizing talks about women.
3. When he left, he said he will pull a 3 day rule again.
BUT
1. He promised to no lie and sort out girlfriend issue
2. He promised not to disappear again.
3. He said his intention is not to sleep with me.

What should I think of all this?
I cant trust him as I feel he only wants to win me and sleep with me for his trophy collection.

[Mattiemae]

I would just leave the dude alone. It's an emotional roller coaster if you ask me! In and out when he feels it is convenient. You deserve alot better, and one that is their full time and not part time.

[smackie9]

You are a smart girl so lets review:

A, he was pursuing you when you had a BF, and has a reputation as a womanizer.

B, he was pursuing you when he had a GF and still is,

C, he didn't tell you about said GF until now (I already knew when you said he disappeared for a month, that's a dead give away please keep that for future reference)

D, he still has a GF

E, pretty much willing to cheat on his GF (with you and who knows who else)

F, he fails at being a good liar.

I hope that clarifies that you should tell him to go f- himself.

Best rule of thumb: go by their actions rather than their words.

[Maria0101]

Thank you. What you have said seems very obvious, rational and reasonable (all facts, I know). One part of me knows it. Other part of me doesn't understand all of his efforts for such a long time and I think I just had an illusion of "prince on a white-horse" (very banal, I know). It is hard when person tried to impress me. Gave me gifts, was so romantic and even cried telling me that words don't come easy to him. This is very sad to realise its all just lie and my own illusion.

[smackie9]

Just think.....it worked on his GF

That's why he is called a "womanizer" it's not the fact he loves women, but it's the challenge/chase that intoxicates him. Once he gets his prize, he's off chasing someone else.

And who wouldn't be flattered by all the romantic gestures am I right?

[bekho]

Its interesting. If a guy gives a girl attention for long enough...

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[bekho]

In this case, he is a successful womaniser. I can't imagine grooming a girl one sidedly without any reciprocation. Predatal behaviour.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Maria0101]

In this case, he is a successful womaniser. I can't imagine grooming a girl one sidedly without any reciprocation. Predatal behaviour.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

It was one sided indeed, however at the beginning. I was avoiding him as I wasn't interested, however I did reply to his messages throughout the year and they were becoming more and more warm. I got attached to him through his chats and it got even more complicated when we met (I did agree to meet him - this is again not one sided, but mutually agreed). Last meeting we did all (except sleeping) romantic couples would do. It wasn't that I showed him my cold and not-interested attitude during the last meeting.

But probably this doesn't change anything.
His interests to me are clear in my mind, yet my heart still tries to give him a chance.

- - - Updated - - -

In this case, he is a successful womaniser. I can't imagine grooming a girl one sidedly without any reciprocation. Predatal behaviour.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

It was one sided indeed, however at the beginning. I was avoiding him as I wasn't interested, however I did reply to his messages throughout the year and they were becoming more and more warm. I got attached to him through his chats and it got even more complicated when we met (I did agree to meet him - this is again not one sided, but mutually agreed). Last meeting we did all (except sleeping) romantic couples would do. It wasn't that I showed him my cold and not-interested attitude during the last meeting, I simply didn't give "all" to him.

But probably this doesn't change anything.
His interests to me are clear in my mind, yet my heart still tries to give him a chance.

[Starnique]

Yeah leave him alone. He's full of shit. Then again, you had a bf and was "hurt" that another guy wasn't contacting you during this time. You're no angel either. You both was seeing other people so maybe you're meant for each other. If you're done playing games now, then move on. You had all these problems with him and he's not even officially yours yet. Red flag.

[Maria0101]

Yes, you are right.
It is just hard to admit this to myself and stop all of this emotional disaster.

- - - Updated - - -

That is very true. I had a boyfriend too. YET the only difference is that I told him about it, he didn't. He had an option, I didn't.

It is hard to stop the game. That is the problem.

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah leave him alone. He's full of shit. Then again, you had a bf and was "hurt" that another guy wasn't contacting you during this time. You're no angel either. You both was seeing other people so maybe you're meant for each other. If you're done playing games now, then move on. You had all these problems with him and he's not even officially yours yet. Red flag.

That is very true. I had a boyfriend too. YET the only difference is that I told him about it, he didn't. He had an option, I didn't.

It is hard to stop the game. That is the problem.

[Mattiemae]

Just stop playing the game. It really is simple. You just walk away from it and be done with it and move on. It may take discipline, but there are many more fish in the sea!