It hurts so much

[Sarah_S]

I know that people told me to stay away from this guy and all. And am doing it and very happy with myself. But it's just so hard. Very very hard. I'm making myself busy and I enrolled for many activities but the problem I think is that he works at the same place as me. And that we talk. Should I just not speak to him again? or stay home and cry, cry and cry till I hate him instead for making me so sad? I don't know anymore. what to do?

[Mattiemae]

The reason people want you to stay away from him is to ease your distress. In the bigger picture if you stay emotionally attached to him, the pain will keep surfacing because he may not give you what you seek and need. The pain of letting go is temporary. So you have to decide how much pain you want to go through if this isn't a healthy relationship for you? Do you want it to continue on and on and on. Or just be for the time it takes to let go? Really the choice is up to you.

If you need to cry cry! It is healthy, cleansing, and healing. Feel what you feel! You will have up and down days. If you talk to him try to be objective and see him as platonic friendship and nothing more. If you can't handle that, than don't talk to him. Anger is part of the grieving process. Just be gentle with yourself and don't expect to much from yourself. Take your time. It is very hard the more you focus on him, so divert your attention to something else. Or at least try too.

[Mattiemae]

Let go of the emotions and feelings! Write it out in a journal, write a fictional story, write poetry. It will help you.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you stop focusing on him so much? This is how many threads you've made about him? This is how many boundaries you've crossed that got you to this emotional mess in the first place? If you can't just coast on your own convictions that you're better off without him and learn to control your emotions then perhaps you'd do well to go see your doctor and get a referral for a psychological consult.

You've put him on a pedestal, you've framed him as the prize when he already has a lover in his life. Now you're having a hard time accepting that you haven't won him away from her. If you accept that you're better off without him, that you don't need the crumbs he gives you that you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to, then you'll get rid of the residual obsession (yes obsession) that you have for him.

If you won't go get therapy for yourself then at the very least go to your library or your local book store and browse the self-help section for titles on how to stop your focus of this twit and that will help you to get to the stage of indifference to him.

He's not yours to pine over so stop wasting your time and do the work you need to do to get to that blissful stage of indifference. As you've discovered wallowing in your disappointment is doing you no good and he certainly doesn't care that you are. So snap out of it, luv. You're wasting valuable dating time in the current state you're in.

[bekho]

You have been displaced and there's a hole where he should be. That hole needs to be replaced with something. Another event in your life. Friends, hobbies.. Even another guy.

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[TheEvilJester]

I'm not sure if I have seen your other threads, so I don't have the context to know about this guy. But, if you felt enough that it was best to break it off with him, then that was for a reason. It will hurt for a while. But, in time, you will realize you are better off. If this guy is no good for you, then it is highly unlikely that will ever change.

Occupy your mind with other stuff. Friends, hobbies, movies, your favorite TV shows, books, whatever. In time you will meet a guy who is everything you want in a guy, and who will treat you the way you deserve. In time, you will forget all about this guy. Good luck, my friend.