I have no idea what to do here. any advice?

[xowinterbabyxo]

I still live with my parents (21 years old here)

I promised a friend of mind who just retired from the place I volunteer at, and she called me up asking me if I can go with her boyfriend to his eye surgery appointment and take the bus back home with him. She would of went, but she is babysitting her grandchildren. Now this is a problem for me, because I have to tell my mom I am leaving the house around 5am. I do not drive ( don't have my license), so I need to take the bus.

Now here is the other problem. I just checked the bus schedule to see when the bus I need would come. The bus from my moms house comes at 4:26am and I would arrive around 4:48am at my friends apartment(including walking when I get off the bus). I have to meet at their apartment because the Access-A-Ride only picks up at one location. Now I would be arriving one hour early, and I don't want to disturb them at 4:50am, especially if my friend is still asleep. I usually call when I am on my way, I do not want to wake her up at 4:30am. Now the other problem is if I went from my dads house, it would take 3 buses to get their and the first bus would arrive at 2am, then the next at 3:14am, then the last at 4:07am to arrive at 4:48am to the apartment. Now, if I cancel on my friend she probably would be mad and that would put her in another position and they would have to cancel the appointment for his eye surgery. Also, my mom probably might get ticked off I am leaving the house at 4:15am just to get the bus by 4:26am, and frankly I didn't expect the bus to only come once in the 5am hour because I know people who start going to work at that time. I really didn't think I would have to wake up at 3am, I though I would of been able to wake up at 4:30am, and get a bus around 5:15am, but there is no bus until 5:30am

either way my mom will be ticked off, and my friend will be mad. I should of checked the schedule last week when she asked me on Friday but I didn't think of it because it was my birthday Saturday and then yesterday I was away for the night so yeah. :/ What should I do here?

[Mattiemae]

Well why don't you see if you can spend the night there if it's a safe place. If she wants your help I would think she would be thankful you discussed the options. Considering she is an older person I would think she would understand as well if you are young that she would have to talk to your parents and make arrangements. Not sure how old you are, but would just discuss it with both your mom and the lady if you want to help her out. Otherwise if you are not comfortable, explain why you are, and apologize for not thinking about it first.

[basilandthyme]

Staying at her house is a good idea.

The whole bus thing has me confused though. Have you told your friend about the bus timing? Frankly, if you're doing her a favour and the only bus option gets you to her house at 4:50am, at the very least, she should welcome you in with a nice cup of tea. If she's not willing to repay you with kindness at that hour of the morning, she should be finding someone else to help.

Taking it further, I think that when your friend finds out how silly the public transport options are, she should offer to pay for a cab for you. It's ridiculous to expect someone to be up that early and to travel on public transport.

I'm curious as to why your mother will be upset. You're 21 years old! You're an adult and providing your decisions don't have an effect on your parents, it's none of their business. Having said that, perhaps your mother feels that you're being taken advantage of? Please give us your mother's point of view.

[xowinterbabyxo]

thanks. I don't think their is room to spend the night (very tiny apartment) and it is kind of late because I get out of school at 8:10pm, plus she doesn't really know her way if she goes by herself to pick me up to spend the night. I think my mom would be upset because she doesn't want me on the bus that early in the morning and she thinks creeps would be on that early. I honestly would feel weird waiting for a bus at 4:30am also, especially at 2am if I was going from my dads.

I think my mom just wants me to be safe, and my dad wouldn't let me go on a bus that early in the morning either, even though I am 21 years old.

[Wakeup]

You don't "think" this and you don't "think" that and you "think" this and you "think" that. Why don't you just talk to all the adults in question and get them to come up with a solution that will work for everyone instead of "thinking" this and "thinking" that?

[xowinterbabyxo]

She called me and I told her the problem. She suggested a cab but I don't have the money for a can and my parents can't drive me. She offered to pick me up at 5am but that would go out of their way and she figured herself after mentioning that I won't be up at 5am because she figured I would be tired from my weekend out and overnight trip. I apologized but she's not mad at all. Still feel bad about it

[basilandthyme]

Winterbaby, it's important to learn to say "no" and not feel guilty over it. Those who can't say "no" get used and end up with shitty boyfriends and generally end up inconveniencing themselves for the sake of others for little return.

That's not to say that you shouldn't go out of your way for anyone. Of course you should help when you can. But if you're being asked to do something which you're not comfortable with, or it inconveniences you...or you simply don't want to do it.....it's good to say no.

[dem862]

She needs to cancel the babysitting or re-schedule the appointment. This is her responsibility not yours. She has a lot of balls to ask you to get up at some ungodly hour to help her boyfriend. I would simply tell her I can't do it, and if she gets bent out of shape, I would tell her to go fukc herself. With friends like that, who needs enemies.