what should i do ? please help

[jeym777]

Hi all,

I am 31 years old and I am from Malaysia.

I'm in a new relationship with someone. It's gotten really serious and we are about to get married.

The problem is I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend, Amy. I think I am still in love with her. I would call off this marriage if she still wants to be with me.

I was with Amy for 3 years and last year I proposed to her. She said "Yes but No" . I have no idea what that means so I told her it's okay to say no. She just hugged me and cry without saying a word. So I assumed it was a NO. She told me that she wants to marry me but she is not ready and she is planning to get married at the age of 29 (she was 27 at that time, and she is 28 now).

I really couldn't accept it and totally heart broken. I stop calling her and she stops calling me too. After months of silence, I kinda assumed that it was over.

So I started to go out with another girl and she is amazing. She is everything that Amy is not and for a moment, I was really glad it was over with Amy. She is perfect for me. It's only been like 6 months, and now she told me that she wants to marry me. I kinda agree with the idea but I never actually propose to her. This relationship is moving too fast and now my parents already start planning for the wedding. My whole family loves her.

It's freaking me out because I don't think I am not completely over Amy. I'm starting to have doubts with my current relationship and wondering if I made a mistake with Amy. I always imagine myself to marry Amy and grow old with her. I can't imagine myself marrying anyone else, so I've decided to be honest with her. I told her that I am still in love with Amy. She started to cry and that makes me feel really bad. She asked me if I want to go back to Amy and I said No. She told me that she doesn't mind because she really loves me and she wants to be with me. She told me that she will be really good to me and make me happy and one day I will forget about Amy.

I was not strong enough to end the relationship so, I told her to give me a few days to think about this. I am really clueless on what to do here. I am still in love with Amy who is really cold. My heart is telling me I should go back to Amy but my brain is telling me NO because it's hard to find a girl like my current girlfriend. She is really smart, successful, beautiful, loyal, and completely in love with me but... I really believe that my heart belongs to Amy.

I wish my heart can learn how to love another person.

Please help me making this decision.

BTW, I haven't spoken to Amy for 7 months now and she didn't even try to call me but I don't think it's too late for me for me to go back to her.

[LittleMadam]

You dont even know if amy would take you back.
I think the problem here is you are moving far too fast, as you stated.
It could be causing doubts in your mind, and making you think of amy.

How did you think/feel about amy before all thos marriage talk with current girlfriend came about?

You definitely should not get married if you are having doubts.

[jeym777]

Thank you so much for replying.

I kinda feel like I'm glad it was over and lucky to be with my current girlfriend but at the back of my mind, I know that I am still in love with Amy. Do you think I should call Amy again ?

[searock]

Forget Amy, the thing you should be focusing on is that you are not in love with your current girlfriend. You should break up with her, since you are not in love with her. And you are not in love with her because if you were, you wouldn't still be thinking about Amy. So, let her go.