some male advice please

[Nora4]

Last year my boyfriend of three years went abroad to work. I was heartbroken but understood as there was no work at home. For six months the long distance relationship was really really hard i missed him so much, but we skyped loads and i had visited him once. when he came home for a week on holiday he asked me to marry him and then move to the otherside of the world with him. I said YES! for the next 7 months I planned our wedding alone, it was so hard not having him there! When he came home everything was perfect we got married and moved away together! I thought it was the beginning of the perfect life together.. After maybe a month he asked me send a text on his phone, which is when i saw other texts from months ago when we were engaged.. It was from a girl saying that hey I'm the girl from the bar trying to get it on with you last night. There were other messages as it's a shame we can't meet it would be fun.. There were then loads of texts her telling him all about herself. (she was on holidays to that country) One night I confronted him he lied to my face and said he didnt know any girl by that name.. He later on told me that he did, he just didn't want to tell me because he wanted to get out of it. He told me how nothing has happened he flirted gave his number to her and they text for one day that was it. He had also text her back saying yeah that is a shame I have girlfriend!!

I was so disgusted with him that he would be-little our relationship so much he didn't even say he was engaged! It's been 6 months and things still are not right! When I drink I bring it up and we fight! I know in my heart that nothing has happened because I know he is a good person!! It's just the lying that hurts so much! I would do anything for him and I just don't think he realises how much he has hurt me and destroyed the trust in our relationship! People have told me that many girls tried it on with him but he always said he wasn't interested that he had a girlfriend.. I know I need to get past this but I don't know how! please be brutally honest with me! Am I overracting!??

[HeartIsAching]

All the text were one-way? From her to him? And he didn't reciprocate?

Sounds like he acted mostly properly.

Yes, he should've come clean to you right away, but he did soon after. So what if he didn't say "fiancee?" He let her know he was not available.

Picture this - He's in a bar far from home, a little lonely and a little insecure, and a pretty girl gave him some attention. He made conversation, maybe flirted a little and got confirmation that he's still "got it" and stupidly gave her his phone number...

Then he regretted it.

Trust me, a cheater would've "sanitized" his text messages.

Also - it's clear you already distrusted him to some degree, else you wouldn't have go digging through old text messages... and don't give me any horse-shit about you not digging. If they were old messages they were buried far down, particularly on the phone of a man who is a long way away from his loved ones.

[pcmaster]

You are over reacting. I think you shouldnt drink. Making drama over this happening will make him feel entitled to cheat. Dont push your luck.

[searock]

It's a shame I have a girlfriend? Wtf? Or did he say it like... as a "nice" way of rejecting her?

[mollymari]

yeah, there's a slight ouch but don't forget, women can be pushy; could be he was there at the club knowing he was in love with you and getting married, probably with a buzz on and along comes a pushy flirty girl. So, he got flirted with; sure, giving out his cel and doing the texts (though most were from her to him not he to her), still hurts but as 'sea' said, maybe it was his way of politely rejecting her. still, give a flirty girl an inch they'll try for a mile.
I think your man loves you dearly and this could be a simple case of 'stag' syndrome. Meaning, Man getting married, last time to see if he's got it; flirts lightly, girl he flirts with just to flirt takes it too seriously and begins light stalking mode syndrome. It's an interesting cycle but I'd let it go.

Sometimes we do tell white lies to save the feelings of our love because we know, it truly truly was no big deal.
I bet he feels bad enough and gets angry with you because he knows in his heart, its always been you

Time to do that marriage thing which includes, trust and forgiveness

[Nora4]

Thanks.. this has helped. I know I am a little crazy, suppose worry things won't work out. I know only I can prevent things from ggoing w

[CrasherRob8]

With the text saying "Shame I have a girlfriend" can be interpreted many different ways. He might not be the type of person to be very blunt with someone so by him making that statement, it lets her know that he has a girlfriend and to back off without actually telling her that.

[sssspanos]

You are immature... Never search other people phone - especially your bf's... This is the problem and no discussion after this.

You are just lucky he still is with you after all this bitching...

[MrKnobby]

You are immature... Never search other people phone - especially your bf's... This is the problem and no discussion after this.

You are just lucky he still is with you after all this bitching...

The more you dig, the more likely you are to find dirt!

You aren't married to the guy, so you really have no right to look at his phone.

I can say for certain that looking at other peoples personal messages can get you into trouble. In the UK under the Regulation of Investigatory Power Act 2000, there is a law that makes opening other peoples personal messages illegal. Be it emails, phone calls and text messages.

Everyone wants to ensure their lover is faithful, but there are other ways you can go about doing this.

[Nora4]

Mr Knobby we are married.. And I know that what I done was wrong too, I can admit that I've told him about it too.. Long-distance relationships do create doubt when you are on opposite sides of the world from eachother!

[bekho]

If u looked at his messages, its because he made you feel insecure! Flip the table on him!

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Nevio]

It sounds like you are saying that you know for sure more or less that he didn't actually do anything more than flirt with these women while you were engaged. It sounds like you're mad just about him lying about the flirting and referring to you as girlfriend rather than fiance. He might have messed up a bit with the flirting and then felt bad and backed off of it before it went too far but as far as him telling the other women that he can't get together with them because he has a girl friend, I wouldn't get hung up on him referring to you as girlfriend to them. I think that was just an example of efficiency of speech, (like maybe he couldn't think of how to spell fiance when he texted that but girlfriend he figured would suffice since this other women would back off from girlfriend just as she would from fiance).

[mollymari]

You are immature... Never search other people phone - especially your bf's... This is the problem and no discussion after this.

You are just lucky he still is with you after all this bitching...

"Bitching?" Gee, I thought she was asking for advice, sharing her story, not "bitching' as you so eloquently put it.
Kindness matched by inner beauty much? Compassion, look it up.....

[sssspanos]

Ok, we can also call it overreacting. We mean the same thing... Maybe I didn't use the right word. Didn't mean to be aggressive..

[Nora4]

Thank you for standing up for me

"Bitching?" Gee, I thought she was asking for advice, sharing her story, not "bitching' as you so eloquently put it.
Kindness matched by inner beauty much? Compassion, look it up.....

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah you are completely right and mostly annoyed that he lied when I confronted him, that is what has made me think he is lying about other things..

It sounds like you are saying that you know for sure more or less that he didn't actually do anything more than flirt with these women while you were engaged. It sounds like you're mad just about him lying about the flirting and referring to you as girlfriend rather than fiance. He might have messed up a bit with the flirting and then felt bad and backed off of it before it went too far but as far as him telling the other women that he can't get together with them because he has a girl friend, I wouldn't get hung up on him referring to you as girlfriend to them. I think that was just an example of efficiency of speech, (like maybe he couldn't think of how to spell fiance when he texted that but girlfriend he figured would suffice since this other women would back off from girlfriend just as she would from fiance).