Upset in Madrid

[psanch32]

I dated this really amazing and kind girl for two years and then broke up with her last November. Our relationship was really the best one I ever had we had amazing sex, never fought each other, and always listened to each other. She fell very hard for me and though I loved her I wasn't ready yet to be in a relationship that could be headed towards marriage. I acted slightly indifferent towards her for most of it though I always treated her the right way, and that put me in the driver's seat. I became slightly unhappy wiith her because I was in Madrid and became interested in other girls while she was still in the US studying. The long distance became difficult and I decided that at age 22 (shes 20) I wasn't ready for this mature relationship that both of us clearly could see heading somewhere into the future. I never cheated on her and she never cheated on me, but being a young man I really wanted to try some new things out.

Anyway I broke up with her kind of suddenly in November and obviously by January I was pining to get her back when nobody could even come close to measuring up to her. We started talking again but I became almost obsessed with how much I needed her and just became way too desperate. I eventually calmed down enough to convince her we had a chance and she let me visit her. I visited her in March in London where she was studying and it became clear that she was not ready to be with me yet and I was unable to control my emotions and deal with the fact that she didn't want to be as intimate and loveydovey and that we needed to start over again and that we were clearly in different places. After all this we decided to wait until the summer to start anew but we would be single for the time being.


It's clear to me that my mistake was that I became way too intense about getting her back and freaked her out a little bit. I just assumed that because she used to love me so much more than I loved her that she would want to hear that but now things are different it's almost like me being breaking up with her snapped her out of a spell or something where she was head over heels in love with me. The only thing I want right now is to return to that place we were in where she loved me very very much and wanted a future with me. How do i do it?? Do i have to pretend to be indifferent when every particle of my body is screaming out the exact opposite? She wants to continue talking with me for the time being, but should I give her the cold shoulder and give her some space after the anxiety filled and stressfull weekend we had together in London?? How do I get her back?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

[basilandthyme]

Sounds to me like she's moved on and friendzoned you. It may be time to accept that you broke the relationship. You left her single and available for two months - she's had a taste of being free to date other men and may not be willing to let it go.

[Valixy]

I don't think that you should blame yourself too hard for the doubts you had. After all you started seeing her when you were only 20 and that is a bit too early for a life time commitment for most of the people. If you hadn't done that, you'd probably still be doubting about your relationship and that wouldn't be fair for you or for her. You've also had to deal with the distance and that tends to affect even the happiest relationships.

She hasn't been very receptive to you, so obviously she doesn't feel as much as she used to, but a strategy to reconquer her might be tricky. You've already tried big gestures and showering her with love, and that didn't work, so probably a more moderate approach would be more appropriate. I think that you should try to detach, lose some of the big emotional charge you're carrying now and try to enjoy life on your own - whenever this is authentic it's also perceived as attractive. When you stop gravitating around her, you'll gain some of your confidence and edge back again, and if you maintain a light casual contact and tease her a bit, try to be humorous, instead of declaring your love for her, you might get her attention again. If not, well you have at least tried to feel better about yourself and this whole situation instead of just being stuck in the limbo.

[smackie9]

You just got all caught up in the "what if" which is a healthy decision for someone your age, then it turned into, you miss what is taken away from you, and you panicked. You broke her heart, she doesn't want to go through with that again, so she is going to be absolutely cautious. I bet money on it she is discussing this with her friends and family and they are telling her NO! So she is going to see for herself which way she should go. Yes you definitely need to back off, and yes keep dating other girls. I don't think you gave yourself enough time to "experience" other things outside your relationship. I think you should cool it for about another year, travel, date, and be single for awhile before you revisit seeing her again. You wanted out for a reason, and I feel you never really gave it enough time.....just my thought on that.

You have to think, if you want her back, she is expecting a ring and a proposal....are you sure you are ready to completely commit to be with her for the rest of your life??? I feel you need to go over this before jumping into the idea of seeing her again.....she IS expecting a solid commitment from you, so you better sort through your feelings about it before you pursue it any further.

[psanch32]

Thanks for help guys I would like to point that I definitely haven't been friend zone as when I visited her we were having see and often