Not sure of my feelings, Advice?

[that_guy23]

Hey everyone, First time poster about this kind of thing, so let me know if i miss anything.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 3 years now, we met in my first year of uni, and were friends, we moved in together for our 2nd year with a few other people and it developed into a relationship. When we first started going out she had just broken up with her previous boyfriend of 5 years.

When we finished our degrees, we both moved back to my parents house, i got a job, and my girlfriend went to do her masters. I encouraged her to go and do the masters, and she managed to get a scholarship to go to the best university in the country for her course. The problem was, the course was on the other side of the country. She moved there, and i stayed with my parents. It was only to be for a year.

While she was doing her masters, she started suffering more and more with mental health issues, and was diagnosed with bipolar after trying to commit suicide when she was in mixed state. due to all this, she put her studies on pause, to sort herself out. However, she has recently been told she could not come back to do her course ( unless she started again). and due to me supporting her financially with rent and food money, she decided to cut her losses, and is instead being rewarded a PGDE instead of a Masters Qualification. So she at least got something for the time on the course.

She is now living with her parents in the middle of nowhere in scotland. And i have just started training to be a teacher after working as a TA for 2 years.

The problem i have now, Is that im not sure how i feel about her, but i feel that, even if i did know how i felt, i am trapped to stay with her, because if i dont help her, she will never get out of her parents house and/or her mental health could plummet. I know that i care for her alot, she was my first proper relationship, and we have both developed alot. But i am no longer attracted to her( i know this is petty, but her medication has made her put on over 4 stone). She is also a different person from the person i met, and is quite suppressed due to her medication. She hides away from the world in her room, whereas (when im not suffering from my depression) i am outgoing, adventurous, and like to socialize. which is almost the complete opposite.



My Girlfriend knows what kind of person i am, and is happy for me to go out or whatever without her, but i feel like i cant and that i have to look after her.

I dont feel like i can talk to her about this though due to her reaction effecting onto her mental health. i dont want to make her worse.

Any advice or questions much appriciated, i feel like i need to talk this out to work it out.

[AnErin]

People change. It sounds like what you have going on is more complex than anything that could be sorted on a forum.
Is she wanting to live with you? In her defense, living in the middle of nowhere with one's parents would suck a huge ding dong. That alone would cause depression. She is stuck in BFE with her parents, does not have you with her and probably misses you.
Is it possible that if she stayed with you it would help her? She put on some weight? Ha! Wait a few years when all your prospects are overweight and/or unattractive. Oh it happens. If you two love each other, try to work out something. Getting dates is not very hard, but finding a partner is a pain in the ass.

Some might say "Just dump her". Well it is like this - a relationship isn't something we use up like a shot of whiskey and then have an emotional hangover for years to come. If you two try to work out what you have and it does not improve, then and only then should you send her home.

[basilandthyme]

that_guy, it is entirely appropriate that you end things with her. As you say, you and she are no longer compatible...and that's not even taking into consideration the long distance thing.

Her mental health issues are not your responsibility. Anyway, she's now with her parents and she should be working with them to get it sorted out. Her parents and psychiatrist are the appropriate people to help her get back on her feet.

I know it will be hard to make the decision, but I suspect that when you've actually MADE the decision, the rest will come easy