How interested is he? Don't want to get myself hurt. Advice

[Active1]

I've been on 4 dates with this guy the first two were dinner at a lovely restaurant and he gave me a kiss on the cheek goodnight and let me know he would like to catch up again and he had a good night. Then the next was a night in watching movies and we went for a walk around the park had take-away which he bought over. We didn't kiss but there was a definite chemistry, and once again a kiss on the cheek goodnight. As far as communication went he would take a day to text back most time originally it was very specific just to organise things, so I was rather confused at this point, I'd never had a guy not try kiss me on a second date. Since that date he has got a bit better with the texting and our 3rd date was just a casual drink then we came back to my house we kissed and just chatted and he clearly wanted more but didn't try anything. For our last date I went around and his house and he cooked for me and then we just watched some tv and he had to work early in the morning so he said he was really tired and was indicating it was the end of the night and said if you want to stay you can stay, I wasn't 100% sure about this so didn't really answer so then he said well I do have to get up really early pushing the end of the night and mentioned maybe we can have a full night next wk and was like I really have to go to bed. And I sort of felt a little fobbed off however yes he was tired. I just don't know how into me he actually is. We kissed and everything but he just seemed he was more interested in going to bed and Now I feel really confused. As the cooked me dinner quite late as he worked into the evening and still made quite an effort with from scratch meals. I don't know if that was his way of I've decided I'm not that interested or his actually being genuine. I know this is prob ridiculous but I second guess things a bit when I actually quite like someone.

My other issue is I'm a bit of a smart ass as in jokes and being funny am I'm worried I might be pushing it too far.

Not sure how I should handle this whole thing, I've never dated a guy like this and I don't know if I should just now wait until he messages me or what. We won't be seeing each other for a week as he will be away and then I'm away and I wish I just knew where I stood. But guess it's a but early to ask what his actually interested in.

[basilandthyme]

Hi Active. You can find out all these answers with just casual conversation.

Regarding him taking it slow; you could comment about it being unusual in this day and age. He'll probably tell you more about it.

Regarding what he wants; ask him what he's looking for in a relationship. (not with you, just in general)

The answers to both will explain plenty

[smackie9]

Why is it his job to make the right move at the right time? You are being too passive. You like him YOU go in for the passionate kiss.

[Active1]

Thanks basilandthyme, I guess bringing it up in conversation is the best way however possibly a little daunting, hence wondering if he actually sounds interested so I can feel a little more confident approaching such questions. I also can't ask these regardless until I see him next when he gets back so I guess it's a waiting game until then. Thanks again

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Well It's my general opinion that girls don't actually go on more than two dates unless they are quite into the guy. However guys will often pursue a girl if they want no more than a bit of fun out of it, so I guess I always like to let the guy make the moves to try gauge there interest. However I clearly am having no luck at gauging that at the moment otherwise I wouldn't be on here asking if he sounds interested. I must say on the 4th date I did try and instigate a bit more of passionate kiss as was the 3rd date but really he wasn't as up for it and it didn't last very long at all. So now I'm feeling a bit less confident, and I don't know how I should be approaching the whilst his away situation as far as keeping in contact. As I said his not the best messager. Would you consider not messaging until he does bad, because if he doesn't then I guess that gives me an answer about how interested he is. Or do you think I should. Thanks smackie9

[abcabc]

Thanks basilandthyme, I guess bringing it up in conversation is the best way however possibly a little daunting, hence wondering if he actually sounds interested so I can feel a little more confident approaching such questions. I also can't ask these regardless until I see him next when he gets back so I guess it's a waiting game until then. Thanks again

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Well It's my general opinion that girls don't actually go on more than two dates unless they are quite into the guy. However guys will often pursue a girl if they want no more than a bit of fun out of it, so I guess I always like to let the guy make the moves to try gauge there interest. However I clearly am having no luck at gauging that at the moment otherwise I wouldn't be on here asking if he sounds interested. I must say on the 4th date I did try and instigate a bit more of passionate kiss as was the 3rd date but really he wasn't as up for it and it didn't last very long at all. So now I'm feeling a bit less confident, and I don't know how I should be approaching the whilst his away situation as far as keeping in contact. As I said his not the best messager. Would you consider not messaging until he does bad, because if he doesn't then I guess that gives me an answer about how interested he is. Or do you think I should. Thanks smackie9

He won't make a move if he's at least a bit shy. Go for it instead of making him do all the work, just message the guy.

[smackie9]

If I were in your shoes and a guy was like that with me, there would be no more dates. If a guy is not passionate or excited to be with me by the second date, he's a dud in my books. You've had 4 dates and this is where you are at...lacking confidence in yourself and confused. You don't need to be here, you need to be telling him it's not working out, and say bubb-bye.

[Active1]

Well he was quite passionate on date 3, well very into it. Then date 4 was tired and def not as into it whether it was from being tired or from just a lack of interest I'm not sure. I just don't know how to approach the fact he doesn't message much mainly just to organise to catch up, there is not a lot of small talk, but heaps when we are together. I've never dated someone who was like this.

Well I can take the initiative and message him but won't that mean I don't find out if he is actually interested or not because I'm messaging him, even if his shy surely any guy would still message a girl his interested in. ???? Or am I just assuming this?

[Nevio]

If he's cooking for you from scratch he's most likely into you. From what you said, I believe him when he said he has to get up early for work. He might just be a bit on the shy side. Try taking the initiative and kissing him without warning, see what he does.

[IndiReloaded]

He sounds shy, tired and perhaps a bit inexperienced. If you like him, why don't you just ask him if he's into you? Ask him out on a lunch or coffee date and have a chat. Simple.