im insecure

[lovemadness]

i have been with my girlfriend for almost a year. she is amazing and shes the girl i plan on asking to marry me.

the thing is i always have a fear she will dump me. i have no reason to think this, i just do.

some morning im afraid she will realize she dont love me. then when im feeling insecure im always trying to make sure she loves me and feels strongly about me

how can i stop doing this?

[basilandthyme]

How old are you? Have you felt like this with previous girlfriends? Do you get insecure about your regular friends too? Have you ever done counselling?

[marieee]

Life is so short! I know sometimes it's hard not to feel down or sad, but you should appreciate every moment y'all are together. Cherish every single moment like it's your last and love her with all your heart.

[HeartIsAching]

It's good that you recognize that it's your insecurity and not her actions that make you feel that way. Owning your emotions, taking responsibility for your own feelings is a good first step.

Now do your best to never let that insecurity dictate your actions, and communicate about this to your girlfriend - tell her that she's done nothing, but it's how you feel, and ask her to call you on it if/when you mess up.

It will get better with time, practice and trust.

[basilandthyme]

It's good that your recognize that it's your insecurity and not her actions that make you feel that way. Owning your emotions, taking responsibility for your own feelings is a good first step.

Now do your best to never let that insecurity dictate your actions, and communicate about this to your girlfriend - tell her that she's done nothing, but it's how you feel, and ask her to call you on it if/when you mess up.

It will get better with time, practice and trust.

I'm not sure I'd want to know if a boyfriend was feeling insecure with me......unless he was being proactive and only told me because he had started therapy.

[HeartIsAching]

I don't know that he really needs therapy, but I was approaching it more from the 'being proactive' standpoint.

[dem862]

You have what is called an "irrational fear." The accepted method of dealing with those is a cognitive-behavioral approach. Generally, that means constantly reminding yourself that your fear is unfounded, and perhaps developing some type of system to recognize and interrupt the thought process once it starts, such as snapping a rubber band around your wrist.

[michelle23]

People break up all the time and they deal with it. Just keep telling yourself if it happens your strong enough to handle it and life goes on. Its pointless living in fear and sometimes this type of anxiety will push her away. You need to let the fear go and enjoy being with her. You can deal with the "what ifs" if it happens

If you cannot let this go on your own then I suggest a few counselling sessions before you sabotage a good relationship for nothing

[basilandthyme]

I don't know that he really needs therapy, but I was approaching it more from the 'being proactive' standpoint.

Perhaps I shouldn't answer from the 'old and crusty' viewpoint