She is not fussed about Sleep overs ?

[Jussie3au]

HI

I was invited to sleep over to my girlfriends house tonight, but during the week things are a bit rushed and it is making me feel like its all a massive effort.
Going home first, doing housework, packing clothes and food, and anything else needed (Toiletries, phone chargers etc). I enjoy seeing her and staying over, and what makes it worse is she is an early bed person too.
So I might get 30-45mins with her after we cook and eat dinner before bedtime.

I mentioned all this to her, and said I'd think about it, I enjoy our time together (not our first sleep over), but it feels rushed for the reasons above. Our sleep overs currently are very infrequent. We've been seeing each other off and on for years now. Broke up a couple of times previously as she was separated, but having trouble with the Ex and it ended our relationship a couple of times. This time around he is now out of the country for good, and we've been going well for the last 5 months. We know each other very well, good and bad.

The problem is, she said she likes the sleep overs (always at her house, I live with a housemate), but she isn't fussed if they don't happen.

So I'd like some advice on how to take this new info, and also is my attitude with being rushed a bad one ?

Thanks

[basilandthyme]

If I were her, I'd think that you're not into me. For the life of me, I can't figure out why you need to go home and do housework before you go to her place. Why not just throw some things in your bag and go to her place straight from work? And why would you have to go home to do housework? It's not like you're making mess there while you're at work.

What about leaving a little stash of stuff at her place? Toothbrush, charger, razor?

[Jussie3au]

If I were her, I'd think that you're not into me. For the life of me, I can't figure out why you need to go home and do housework before you go to her place. Why not just throw some things in your bag and go to her place straight from work? And why would you have to go home to do housework? It's not like you're making mess there while you're at work.

What about leaving a little stash of stuff at her place? Toothbrush, charger, razor?

We live about 10-15 mins apart. I was only invited after we were on our way to work. I live with a housemate, and we have a set rotation on when and what housework gets done. It's her house, her rules. I cannot afford my own place, so I can't really say no when things get organised at home. We both have a budget, which is why I bring my own food. So it's not "planned" it was dropped on me. If it was planned, it wouldn't be a hassle. The problem is, I only get invited to stay if her 19yr old daughter isn't going to be home. And since we never know when that happens until during the day, it's a complete run around to do things afterwards.

[basilandthyme]

Well in that case....

You find sleepovers too much effort. She says she doesn't care either way. Where's the problem?

[Jussie3au]

Well in that case....

You find sleepovers too much effort. She says she doesn't care either way. Where's the problem?

It's too much during the week, as I outlined above.
Also, what does it say about how things are if she doesn't care about having them ?

[surfhb2]

We live about 10-15 mins apart. I was only invited after we were on our way to work. I live with a housemate, and we have a set rotation on when and what housework gets done. It's her house, her rules. I cannot afford my own place, so I can't really say no when things get organised at home. We both have a budget, which is why I bring my own food. So it's not "planned" it was dropped on me. If it was planned, it wouldn't be a hassle. The problem is, I only get invited to stay if her 19yr old daughter isn't going to be home. And since we never know when that happens until during the day, it's a complete run around to do things afterwards.

sounds like you need to relax and enjoy your time together. Packing clothes and food? HUH? It would take me about 10 mins to get everything together if my gf asked me to come over to her house for the night. Whats with all the planning and set rotation of housework? Do it later Bro....you're going to get laid?

Yeah....I dont see the issue. You feel its rushed and she doesn't fuss about it......Perfect situation for both of you

[basilandthyme]

It's too much during the week, as I outlined above.
Also, what does it say about how things are if she doesn't care about having them ?

What does it say about things if it's too much effort on your part? Seems to me like the two of you are even

[Jussie3au]

So it doesn't matter if it's only a very short time together and it's dropped in last minute ?
I can see what you're saying, I just feel like I am always out, always going, never relaxing and never home. I don't like things dropped on me last minute.

And no, I am not "getting any", probably over half of our sleep overs are just sleeping.

[basilandthyme]

Still trying to work out what the problem is.

Are you unhappy with the situation? Is she unhappy with the situation?

[Jussie3au]

Still trying to work out what the problem is.

Are you unhappy with the situation? Is she unhappy with the situation?

I think I've stumbled across it myself...
I'm pretty sure it's just a lot of little thing's at once, and I'm having a four year old day
I'm happy with her, and how we fit together.
I'm not happy with having restrictions from other people on our relationship, no matter if it doesn't seem like much. EG. the daughter being home. My housemate requiring I stick to my end of the Deal (although it is fair, she does it the other days). I've spoken to my GF and she understands and said she feels the same. She also clarified that she DOES care if I never sleep over again, it was only about tonight and that she didn't want me to feel pressured.

So, I got upset about the no notice, the not being able to run with her after work (something I forgot to add), and hoping I remember to pack everything. And the house work. As I now have to tell my housemate I'm doing whats there and going.

After talking with GF, I feel a bit better and understand I just felt pressured from a few things.
I'll probably be going over and staying tonight, because I genuinely want to, and I now understand why I reacted badly.
Sorry for any confusion. And thanks for the help.

[basilandthyme]

No worries. And have a chat with your flatmate....perhaps another arrangement could be made. This one is terribly restrictive.

[michelle23]

If you have been on and off for years then maybe its time to either commit fully to each other or go your separate ways. Your both grown adults acting like college students.