What does he want ?

[Jane1991]

Hey guys !

I am currently in a pretty bad situation and I hope that you could help me: Last December I met a guy who is working in a club in my city and we met two times. The dates were pretty good and he told me a lot about his private life and his family (even that he has a half-brother and that his father have not told him about that yet, so pretty profound!). The third date was two months later as he and I had some time problems, but when we met it was like nothing happened. We had a lot of fun and at the end of the date I talked to him seriously: I said that I liked him and that I wanted to get to know him better but in order to do so it is not enough to meet twice a month (as our third date was 2 months later !). He replied that he liked me too and that he hasn't met other girls in this period of time, but that he had and still has a lot of stress currently (the company of his dad is broke (which is true), he is having his final exams and that he is very stressed because of his work at that club). But he would like to get to know me better as well and that it would be more convenient for him if we could meet spontaneously, I agreed and said that it would be ok for me now because I have uni vacations but that we should set up dates later on, as I will not have a lot of free time. Then we went to a park, and he hugged me to say goodbye and said that he liked it today and that he would write to me more often from now on. He wrote to me the next day and two days after our last date I went to the club he was working in with some of my girlfriends; they actually forced me. When I was there, we said hi and he asked me why I did not tell him that I would come. Later that night, I went to him and said that if he did not want to drive home after work (as he lives 30 min away), that he could come and sleep over. He said ok and that he would call me. He called and came over. We spoke about different topics and then he tried to have sex with me, of course. I told him that I am not that girl who goes so fast and then I felt that I should tell him the truth, as I wanted him to know: I told him that I like him but that I am a virgin and I would only sleep with him if we are in a relationship. He said nothing, and then I said to him that he should say sth but the only thing he said was that he is pretty shocked, as he would have never thought that and that he cannot say sth now. He changed the topic and we spoke about something else, and then after 1 hour or so there was a sudden silence: Although we were both awake, nobody said something. After 30 min of silence he said that we should talk about the things we want, and wanted me to go first. I, however, said that he should go first and he said that he really liked and still likes me but that he cannot have a relationship right know. He said that when he called me today he wanted to say that he could not come over (which seems to be true as he seemed a bit hesitant on the phone) but that he wanted to see me and therefore came. He also said that he doesn't think that being friends will work so that the only thing left is to cut the contact but that he actually wanted and still wants to get to know me better and that I should say something. I said that I could not keep continuating that if he does not want a relationship. And he siad that he cannot have a relationship as I am a virgin and he doesn't want the responsibility. After 1 ! hour of discussion we agreed on cutting the contact but to say hi if we would see each other, and hugged and then he left. I then called a friend and regretted it and wrote to him 1 hour later that I'd like to keep contatc. He then asked: how ? friendly ?. And I replied: I don't care how as long as we do. He said: I don't think it's a good idea. I have been very honest to you and after that I think it is better if we don't have contact. I said: I am sad that you refuse it. He: No, I don't refuse it. And I: If you want to get to know me better, that is the only thing I can offer you. He didn't write back then. And two hours later he unfriended me in Facebook. And two days later (I assume he wanted me to write sth) he blocked me on Whats app even though I didn't write to him again. On Wednesday I saw him after a month in another club and I looked pretty hot ! He saw me and was looking at me a few times. He even smiled at me and his mouth moved but he didn't say hi. I just looked at him and smiled and then went away. Later that night when I was home I was checking whats app and saw that he had unblocked me. But he did not write to me. I waited two days and then decided to block him. I still like him a lot unfortunately so I wanted to know your point of view ! You would really help me because I don't know what to do, I honestly thought that he liked me more than the superficial way as he told me so much about his fears and dreams and faimily.

Thanks for your time !

[surfhb2]

He likes you but doesn't want a relationship right now....he said that. Most guys would run hearing you're a virgin though....maybe that was it

Bottom line is you're both not on the same page...move on. He already has

Btw....stop the block/ unblock crap. It's passive aggressive and extremely childish

[Jane1991]

Wow, I always thought that man would be happy to know they are the first ones ? So you mean I should unblock him again ?

[basilandthyme]

Yes, he probably does like you - but he wants a much less formal arrangement than you do. In short, he sees your needs as not compatible with his.

As for the virginity thing and a man's attitude.....A man who takes sex as seriously as you do will be pleased to know he's your first; Whereas a guy who wants something more casual won't be comfortable knowing that you and he want something far different.

Also, this could vary a lot between countries - I don't know where you're from, so perhaps my experience with men isn't applicable to you.

[surfhb2]

Wow, I always thought that man would be happy to know they are the first ones ? So you mean I should unblock him again ?

No......most men don't prefer to be with a virgin. At least not a mature man

[Wakeup]

I said that I could not keep continuating that if he does not want a relationship. And he siad that he cannot have a relationship as I am a virgin and he doesn't want the responsibility

He can't get any clearer then that. Its YOU that refuses to hear what he's saying to you because you keep hoping he'll give you what you want.

Well, he won't. Be thankful he's been honest with you and have the strength to accept what you've been told and go zero contact. No more "getting to know" someone who does not want the responsibility of a committed relationship with you. That is just a huge waste of your time and more importantly, your emotional well being is at stake if you keep this up.

On Edit: Going by your other post on this, you've come to realize what you have to do (have nothing more to do with him). Good on you for coming to that realization.

[bekho]

Its cos you're a virgin. And hes already a seasoned pro. Its not fair game because you're just a beginner. He doesn't want to throw all his baggage and sin onto you. You deserve someone pure and innocent too.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Wakeup]

Its cos you're a virgin. And hes already a seasoned pro. Its not fair game because you're just a beginner. He doesn't want to throw all his baggage and sin onto you. You deserve someone pure and innocent too.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

She doesn't need someone "pure and innocent" she needs someone who is on the same page as her and wants a relationship with her. Someone who is willing to wait until she's ready to lose said virginity because he's shown her he cares and just isn't with her for one reason.

[smackie9]

Do what I did....don't tell him. I just got it over with and had my fun. I ended up dumping him 3 weeks later for another guy.

[Wakeup]

^^^^ lolzzz: Great advice for those that don't have a inordinate attachment to their hymen.