Time to end it, for the best I think

[StanleyIpkiss]

This is kind of just a dumping of thoughts, but if people want to give their view I would definitely listen.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 years, and I am thinking it might be time we went our separate ways. I just don't think we have really ever found real happiness together. We started out having massive crushes on each other but were both somewhat tangled in other relationships and flings for a good year or 2. Eventually I had a messy break up with someone and she ended up telling me her feelings. We dove into our relationship pretty quickly, and it started out with both of us very excited, as it often does.

But neither of us really took the time to realise that we were both quite sad, self conscious people. She was battling an eating disorder and I was dealing with depression. We have spent these 2 years building love and respect for each other, but never truly being happy. We still laugh together and I do love her so damn much. But we lead very boring lives. A lot of it is my fault. She is a lot stronger than I am, and she used going out and facing the world to get through her problems. I have been lethargic and self loathing for nearly our entire relationship, and barely want to leave the house. I have been a weight on her, and it makes me feel very guilty when I acknowledge that.

The thing is, I am starting to feel like I might be able to improve myself if I have noone to focus on other than myself. I have used her as a way to convince myself that everything is okay. "It's alright, your life isn't crap, you have a beautiful girlfriend who loves you." She has tried to motivate me, and I have tried to be motivated, but it has never really worked for more than small stints. She is away at the moment, and in a sick sort of way I feel free, I have gone out and seen friends I hadn't seen in months, some even years. Without her to lean on I have actually felt the need to use my time well and search for something to make me happy.

On top of that I feel like the amount of sadness we have gone through together has poisoned our relationship beyond repair. We are distant from each other sometimes. Other times we are great together. It is like our relationship is bipolar. I just don't think I can deal with feeling awkward and sad around the person I love anymore, even if there is amazing times in between.

So I know it seems like an open and shut case. I feel like the only way I am going to grow personally is if I step away from her, and I feel like our relationship is broken, even if we have tried for so long. I am just having so much trouble facing the fact that I have to do this. She has done so much for me, I can't even explain what she has put herself through and how selfless she has been. But I just feel like this is the way it has to be. I don't want us both to be so sad anymore, even if we love each other so much.

[michelle23]

Your blaming your own issues on the relationship when in reality its not her fault or the fact your together that your depressed. You need professional help via counselling and possibly medication-thats the only way to treat depression. It wont go away if you dump her. You will still have all the same problems except you will be alone.

I am not saying you shouldnt end it. That is your choice but make sure you are doing it coz you really believe its over for good-not because your hoping for a miracle cure.

Plus if you do end it then you cant change your mind. Its not fair to hurt her and then keep hopping back and forth like a yoyo. Its all or nothing. She could easily move on, meet someone else and then you may wish you never let her go.

A friend of mine dumped her ex for all the wrong reasons and now shes heartbroken that he has a new gf and doesnt want her anymore

[StanleyIpkiss]

Firstly, thanks for taking the time to give me your view on the situation. You are right that it is not her fault, I definitely don't blame anything that has gone wrong, she has done more than I have to keep our relationship together. It also isn't the relationship that has caused my own (or her) problems. But I think in a way the relationship has become an enabler, if that is the correct word to use. I think it is entirely up to me to fix my problems, but I am just not finding the motivation to do so while I have someone supporting me. I have been to counselling, I am not really into medication to be honest as I blame party drugs for some of my issues in the first place.

I don't know how I will feel if I do let her go, but if how I feel while she is away at the moment is any indication, I think I will cope. I just want to be happy, and I want her to be happy. I am also not really the sort of person to bounce in and out of a relationship either, I have never broken up with someone and then restarted a relationship before, the end has always been very final for me. It is entirely possible I will regret the decision, but I know for sure that I need to change something, and this seems to be it.

I know I will still have all the same problems, and that is kind of the point. I have avoided dealing with these issues for about 7 years through 3+ relationships, and it is about time I faced them in stead of heaping them onto someone else.

In short I don't think ending it will make me happy, I think it will force me to deal with my life so that I can try to be happy, and then enter a relationship with happiness on offer, not a burden.

Again, I really appreciate your thoughts, I often don't figure out what I am thinking until I talk about it or right it down, so it is really helpful to have questions to answer.