trying not to have hope

[clee106]

Well, ive tried posting this twice and it hasnt posted so im going to keep it as short as possible.
I really ****ed up a relationship (attempt)
1. i cheated on my ex, we were still together even though we were already disconnected, so in the end, i still cheated, no excuse.
2. i cheated on him with his roommate, who i am now in love with.
3. we were secretly dating for 4 months
4. we took a break so that people could get used to me being broken up with my ex and perhaps we could have eventually told everyone
5. i pushed it too much and i didnt like the break, this drove him to say that its too much
6. we told everyone about it, no one approved, this makes him not want to do it
7. i convinced him to give me another chance cause we both really liked each other
8. i messed it up again and wasn't giving time to it when i should have, and i got angry and started putting words in his
9. he said no, never, that he loved me but not in the way that he could sacrifice our friends, since we are young and he cant do it.
He wants to be just friends, and that he doesnt want anyone to work that hard for him. That even if we tried soon, everyones going to think badly.
10. hes been texting me everynight to tell me goodnight, and he hopes that im ok. I've been telling myself that hes doing this as a friend.
11. yesterday i texted him that im sorry, and we need to talk about it still, but not now, not for a long time, but i hope he can be strong and happy cause i know hes hurting too.
12. he replied: its ok, i feel like shit to be honest...but...im worried for you and i know none of this is gonna end so soon so...were in the same boat. be safe okay?

I dont want to have hope, but at the same time i do. He asked me if it was worth it, and i said yes, but i kept doing everything super rashly, which is how i messed up so many times. He's told me never, but i also know that as of now and for a while, we will still love each other. I'm not going to do anything, but i want to know, did i mess it up that even if i give it some time, I wont be able to have him back ever? I kind of feel like nothing's changed...except maybe hes been telling himself to move on everyday. Can it be that i really messed it up to the point its impossible?

[pcmaster]

There always hope. But you have to relax and pick yourself up. Check this guide.

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[suddenlynothing]

Your both a piece of shit....how's that

[bekho]

Sounds traumatic. No rules in love and war. Do whatever you want. Then learn from your mistakes and consult your conscience.

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