Why does this girl text me all day when she has a boyfriend ?

[Rasev445]

I have known her for 6 months we have hanged out and text a lot. It was mostly in groups though and as my feelings grew for her I really didn't know if it would ruin my friendship by telling her. Just a week ago she got a boyfriend but I didn't find out from her but rather my best friend who got a ride from her to school. Apparently he asked her out and she said yes. She started texting me this Monday and never mentioned her boyfriend once. She told my friend but not me which I found strange. She also tried to text me at 1 in the morning to talk. Tuesday I texted her all day and Wednesday I got into a bad car accident. She was worried about me and told me she missed me and that she could not imagine never seeing me again. She also brought up that on Monday I was acting weird and sort of mean. She said it made her sad and she said it was because she cared about me. We texted tonight until 12:30. She also is hopeful to hang out more during the summer and on weekends. In the back of my head I wonder why she never mentions her boyfriend and I thought for sure she would want to be spending most of her time with him instead of me.

[pcmaster]

Well she dont have boyfriend, its been just a week. You still can ask her out and see how she reacts. Also you can try to touch, kiss her and if she dont pull away thats a good sign. Also she didnt tell you about other guy because she dont want you to change towards her. Like she dont want you to become colder or give less attention to her. Just ask does she wana be your GF. You have nothing to lose, if you are friends you will remain so. You could be lucky but how can you know if you dont try. "Always do what you are afraid to do."

[bekho]

Above poster is suggesting u force yourself on her and basically become a relationship sociopath. I don't think u need to compromise yourself that way. Its all about communication. Girls pick up signals much better than guys. Be more open with how you feel about her. First text when u wake up if that's how u feel. Last text at night. Make calls more often and longer. Arrange meetings So u aren't always on the phone. Gradually if u both like the vibes it'll work out.

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[bekho]

Clearly she's saying she cares about you. Making the implicit, explicit. Its your turn to reciprocate.

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[smackie9]

Or you could be her male GF, that she is just using as her emotional tampon. She knows you like her, and she knows if she mentions her BF you might ditch her.

Dude she's been texting you for 6 bloody months....why haven't you asked her out???

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I dunno.....she could just be an attention whore and hoover in any poor shlep.

[Wakeup]

Above poster is suggesting u force yourself on her and basically become a relationship sociopath.

This just isn't true, OP. If you actually make a move to show her that you would like to be more then her friend then if she wants to be more then just your friend, she will be open to your advance. If she shuts you down, then don't force her. (Forcing her would make you a "relationship sociopath"

I don't think u need to compromise yourself that way.

You will not be "compromising yourself" at all. You will be making your intentions clear. What she does with your intentions is up to her.

Its all about communication. Girls pick up signals much better than guys.

OP: "Picking up "signals" is NOT communicating. Communicating is verbally explaining what you would like and then following up your words with actions or: Doing said action and then cementing that action with coinciding words.

Be more open with how you feel about her.

Do NOT do this until you show her in actions that you want her as more then a friend. That means asking her out and then following up with a kiss to see if she is open to that dynamic with you. Telling her your feelings before you're sure what her feelings are for you is a recipe for not getting what you want.

First text when u wake up if that's how u feel. Last text at night. Make calls more often and longer.

No do not do this. You cannot get facial expression, hear voice inflexion, or catch when someone is hedging away from your words on a screen so do your getting to know her in person and leave your texting for when you've actually formed a bf/gf relationship with her.

Arrange meetings So u aren't always on the phone. Gradually if u both like the vibes it'll work out.

This is a good plan (finally). Add that to making a romantic move or two and see how she reacts and you'll be on your way to either stop talking to her altogether (if she isn't open to your kiss) or you'll be on your way to being her romantic girlfriend if she does want your kiss.

Stop playing her "game" and just go for what YOU WANT. First you have to actually know what you want before you attempt to reach that goal.

Clearly she's saying she cares about you.

Clearly? Hardly. It is NOT clear at all in what dynamic she cares? Good male girlfriend or romantic partner????

[hatesthis]

How does she end her texts to you with something personally or just bye? No one spends that amount of time talking to another of the opposite sex without having some interest in them. The text that came in at 1am says she wasn't with her bf at the time maybe they are on and off again and not serious you should ask her or if scared to ask her ask someone who knows her and her bf.

[bekho]

You can try and touch and kiss her...

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[bekho]

This just isn't true, OP. If you actually make a move to show her that you would like to be more then her friend then if she wants to be more then just your friend, she will be open to your advance. If she shuts you down, then don't force her. (Forcing her would make you a "relationship sociopath"
You will not be "compromising yourself" at all. You will be making your intentions clear. What she does with your intentions is up to her.

OP: "Picking up "signals" is NOT communicating. Communicating is verbally explaining what you would like and then following up your words with actions or: Doing said action and then cementing that action with coinciding words.

Do NOT do this until you show her in actions that you want her as more then a friend. That means asking her out and then following up with a kiss to see if she is open to that dynamic with you. Telling her your feelings before you're sure what her feelings are for you is a recipe for not getting what you want.

No do not do this. You cannot get facial expression, hear voice inflexion, or catch when someone is hedging away from your words on a screen so do your getting to know her in person and leave your texting for when you've actually formed a bf/gf relationship with her.
This is a good plan (finally). Add that to making a romantic move or two and see how she reacts and you'll be on your way to either stop talking to her altogether (if she isn't open to your kiss) or you'll be on your way to being her romantic girlfriend if she does want your kiss.

Stop playing her "game" and just go for what YOU WANT. First you have to actually know what you want before you attempt to reach that goal.

Clearly? Hardly. It is NOT clear at all in what dynamic she cares? Good male girlfriend or romantic partner????

I would say that the advice to jump in touch her and kiss her to see if she likes you is the most neanderthalic primitive blunt action u can do. its so vulgar. If that's your main determinant of whether a girl likes u or not I am appalled.

Picking up signals. Body language. Subtle nuance and yes, talking and listening - they are all forms of communication. You can sense these things. How you interpret them is another matter. Often people can misunderstand things that are said to them directly.

When I said be more open with your feelings I didn't mean tell her straight up how u feel and freak her out. Geez. Its like you are interpreting meaning at a base level. Are you trolling? I can't tell. Nuance is key. A lingering hug, eye contact. Increased skinship. Arranging more meetings, etc. Don't be stiff and weird.

Texting and increasing contact is normal when you like someone. I don't get what the issue is with this. "Don't text until you know you are in a relationship" is just weird advice.

The advice to not play her game but play yours is the reason why there are so many problems. Communication is about compromise. Share the same language. All this men are from Mars and women are from Venus stuff is to teach us how to better understand and communicate with each other.



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[Wakeup]

I would say that the advice to jump in touch her and kiss her to see if she likes you is the most neanderthalic primitive blunt action u can do. its so vulgar.

Who said anything about "jumping in on" like you've described. Perhaps if you didn't make things up in your head and then consider them as actually true, then you'd be less off base then you come across as?

If that's your main determinant of whether a girl likes u or not I am appalled.

You're more adjectives then "appalled" but lets not go there.

Picking up signals. Body language. Subtle nuance and yes, talking and listening - they are all forms of communication. You can sense these things. How you interpret them is another matter. Often people can misunderstand things that are said to them directly.

lol Words must match actions, if they don't then they are just words. That's common sense that OP should be cognizant of.

When I said be more open with your feelings I didn't mean tell her straight up how u feel and freak her out. Geez. Its like you are interpreting meaning at a base level. Are you trolling? I can't tell. Nuance is key. A lingering hug, eye contact. Increased skinship. Arranging more meetings, etc. Don't be stiff and weird.

It's YOU that has interpreted meaning and then put words in other's mouths.

Texting and increasing contact is normal when you like someone. I don't get what the issue is with this.

Texting is normal when you don't like someone in a romantic sense as well. By increasing your texting, it does nothing to clarify HOW YOU LIKE THEM ~ platonic/romantic/indifferent?

"Don't text until you know you are in a relationship" is just weird advice.

I said keep more texting until after you KNOW you're actually in a relationship with that person. Getting to know someone through text is NOT getting to know the true them. That takes face-to-face contact and verbal (telephone interaction). Once again you put words in peoples mouths... Stop doing that and this conversation wouldn't have to exist.

The advice to not play her game but play yours

Yes and your game lacks. Hence yet another reason why this debate exists.

Communication is about compromise. Share the same language. All this men are from Mars and women are from Venus stuff is to teach us how to better understand and communicate with each other.

No argument there but everything you suggest is not true communication.



Now... on with you. We agree to disagree and it's up to the Opening Poster what he does now.

[bekho]

Haha very cute responses, albeit kinda petty and irrelevant. You contradict yourself. Read your last post and then read my original post. You've gone full circle into conceding to me. Checkmate.

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[Wakeup]

Re-read PC's post again. Op without mistaking what it says like bekho has done.

Where are you btw. Have you given up on your thread, OP?