Temptation

[hkh8871]

I'm in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now. We see each other 6 months out of the year and never go more than ~8 weeks without each other. Things haven't been ideal but we've considering them worth the fight and we are very happy with the relationship. I have never had an issue with our long distance and neither as he- but now I am beginning to have an issue. I set my best friend up with this guy- this perfect guy- thinking that if he is off the market i will not even be able to be tempted. Well- that plan was awful. We are all always going out together and he sleeps at my place with her and the next morning we'll all just lay on the couch and talk. Him and I are a match made in heaven. We have the same goals, beliefs, ideals and my friend (although I love her) might not be smart enough for him (although maybe im just being a bitch). My boyfriend has been so distant and unavailable lately because of work. We haven't skyped in 2 weeks and it's just getting difficult. I have told him I feel disconnected and I want to speak to him more but somehow it doesn't change much. He says he'll make time and he'll figure it out and we'll talk but somehow with the time difference (im 6 hours ahead) it never works out. I'm just confused as to what I should do. We are going on a 10 day vacation in 2 weeks and I'm hoping that'll clear things up for me emotionally, but is it normal to feel things for someone else while being with someone? I just feel awful even having these thoughts but instead of waiting for my boyfriend to message me or write me, i just wait for this other guy and get butterflies when he does. I have always had a thing for the most unavailable option so I don't want to make any decision based on an immature habit of wanting things that I can't have. I just need some advice and thoughts about this situation.

[smackie9]

This will even happen when you are married, so it doesn't matter. When you have a BF that is being emotionally and physically vacant, you are going to gravitate to someone that is more available to you. This is a sign that your LDR isn't working and you need to A. relocate to be with your BF, or B. end the relationship because it has ran it's course.

[hkh8871]

Ok Maybe I need to clarify- I'm not that girl, nor do i want to be that girl. I also am not the type of girl to cheat, which is why this whole situation is freaking me out because as much as my brain says one thing my heart says another. And this guy isn't my girlfriends friend- he's just a guy she has had sex with 3 times and a few days ago she called me telling me she isn't so 100% interested anymore because it's too easy and too predictable with him. I wouldn't do anything, but I just needed an outlet because keeping this inside is too hard and I wanted to know if other people have ever been in my shoes. Is it horrible that I'm upset with my boyfriend because he hasn't been paying attention to me? I always try to be understanding and during the week- ok I get it, but on the weekends he just hangs out with his friends and not once does he take the time difference into account and he just comes and goes as he pleases and then always at like 3 am my time is when he can make time and i've told him that i'm asleep and can't talk then and somehow he doesn't care. he doesn't have time to text because he's with his friends, he doesn't have time to chat. i try to be clear in what i want and what i need and he always says he understands and will do that and he doesn't. it is literally pushing me to find attention elsewhere because i'm sorry i enjoy attention it is part of the reason i am with someone. i want to talk a lot and i want to be involved and share things and have someone tell me i'm beautiful and compliment me and i want to do that vice versa.

[michelle23]

Nobody is calling you a cheat. You havnt done anything wrong. The reality here is your relationship is not meeting your needs. Your bf is too far away and the distance is too much. It is probably too much for him too. Long distance doesnt work long term no matter how loyal you both are. Eventually the distance pushes you apart and you start to crave attention from elsewhere. Smackie is right-either move to be with him properly or break up

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Edit: it sounds like your bf has already moved on-hes not making any effort or showing any interest. Its time to end this

[bekho]

Well, there was once a time when your gaze would never stray from your bf. Its a slippery slope once you've realised that u can begin to have these feelings for others.

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[bekho]

Don't think of cheating as a bad thing. Men and women were never meant to stay together forever.

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[michelle23]

Don't think of cheating as a bad thing. Men and women were never meant to stay together forever.

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Thats your opinion. Weak people cheat.

[bekho]

Strong people also cheat

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[smackie9]

OP YOU don't need to CLARIFY anything to me, I already see what is going on, and my post is CLEAR on what you need to do. Your relationship isn't working out with your BF, it's a no brainer it's because it's an LDR, and without physical contact, it's having a toll on you emotionally. It has ran it's course and you need to find someone that meets your needs.Your BF is already showing behavior that he is giving up, you are finding yourself overwhelmed with desire for some dude.....none of this is right. Stop ignoring the signs, your emotions are telling you something. It's pretty clear that you need to take action, like I said, relocate to where your BF is to have a proper relationship with him, OR end it so you can find someone that does meet your needs.

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Strong people also cheat

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Yes they can.

[hkh8871]

something that just adds to it- I've confronted him and he always responds the same- that he agrees and he has to try harder. on sunday we got into a huge fight because i finally had had enough and told him that i'm not some option and that what i want is important too and he wrote me on monday saying he had neglected me since he's so busy at work and he's seeing me in 10 days but that isn't ok and he will change. what is the most worrying is that he told me on saturday he went out to dinner with his sister and her friends....he didn't elaborate more or mention anything and i just found out that my friend saw him at a club at 5 AM.......and he told his friend who asked him if he'd been good or bad and he said a bit of both but not enough to matter..........this is all freaking me out. i don't know what to think especially since we are going on this vacation. what if he cheated on me? what if that is why he has been so distant?

[hkh8871]

i don't know how to confront him about it without sounding accusatory

[michelle23]

Why are you still with him? Hes hurting you, lying, possibly cheating, making no effort. Actions speak louder than words. Just dump him