I feel like my boyfriend doesn't value my opinion

[NicNicole]

And I know this will sound stupid and petty to a lot of people, but it happens so frequently that it's started to really get me down a feel insecure in my relationship.

The same scenario has been playing out time and time again: I give an opinion or recommendation to my boyfriend when he asks for one and it gets shot down. That wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that if one of his buddies makes the same observation or gives the same advice as me he takes it on board straight away and forgets that I have said the same exact thing previously.

Sometimes these can be opinions on big important subjects, but more often than not silly irrelevant subjects. And I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen all the time.

I'll give two examples from this month.
1.Last weekend he had a couple of old buddies coming in from out of town and was planning what to do over the weekend. He asked about places to eat and I suggested that they could go eat at a new grill place which had opened up a few months back. I'd been there with a few friends and told him it was really great food and they even had one of those man vs food challenges I thought some of his guy friends from back home would really enjoy. He immediately shot the idea down saying it sounded ‘stupid’. When his friends came he asked where they fancied eating- one of them mentioned they’d been to this grill place before when visiting their brother and how awesome it was. My boyfriend immediately agreed with him and said it sounded great. So they went and he loved it, completely forgetting I’d suggested it before and he’d shot me down.
2.Two months ago my boyfriend had been bored and fancied watching a new TV show and asked if I had any ideas. I suggested one I’d started to watch and how funny it was, although the ads didn’t do it justice. He said it looked ‘dumb’ and not like something he’d enjoy. I tried to convince him he would (I’ve been with him 3 years and generally know what he will and won’t like). Then this week I went over to his apartment and he’d bought the boxset from amazon. I asked him about it and he said that his friend from work watched it and told him how hilarious it was so he ordered the first season DVD’s straight away without even watching an episode before. He started talking about how great it was, forgetting he’d shot me down AGAIN.

We have been together for 3 years and he never used to be like this (that I can remember) and it seems to have developed in the last 6-8 months. Honestly it's started to put me off expressing an opinion to him, even when he asks for one, because of how terrible it makes me feel to be continually put down for it. I don't understand why my opinion seems to be valued so much lower than everybody elses in his eyes. And I'm not sure how to approach this with him, or if I should, because I know how petty the examples sound on their own. But this situation has been recurring a LOT in the past few months and it's gone beyond a few isolated examples and into a full pattern now.

[chinagirl]

Tell him exactly how you feel... He may not be even aware that he is doing it.

[smackie9]

This is a symptom not the problem. If his behavior towards you has changed recently this is a good indication there are deeper things going wrong in your relationship. Sounds to me he is emotionally detatching from you. Maybe take a look at other things or signs that you notice but haven't taken into account that something it up. Has he been talking about or mentioned a new female co-worker? Or mention of someones female friend? maybe something that was brought up in a conversation with any of his buddies?

[michelle23]

Nothing she said in this post suggests cheating. Dont make her paranoid-at least not without some evidence pointing to that.

Have you told him how this makes you feel? I had a similar issue where my bf would forget to tell me things about his day. Id always hear things second hand when hes telling a friend or his mum-like his old boss came in last week and offered him his old job back and Id be like why didnt he tell me that a week ago. It happened 100 times and it upset me that he never told me any of his news etc and I would only hear these things when hes telling someone else a week or two later. I talked to him about it but nothing changed.

Then one time he said "I may have good news soon but I dont want to say what it is until I know for sure".. and I said okay promise I will be the first to know this time but again two weeks later I heard this news when he told his friend in front of me. I kinda freaked about it and it wasnt until then that he realized how it made me feel and started including me more.

I know it sounds really stupid but I know he wasnt doing it on purpose but now he makes a conscious effort to talk to me more about everything

[Yanky]

I agree, tell him exactly how you feel. If he can't take you seriously, then can you really call that love?

[TheEvilJester]

Sorry, Nicole, what did you say again? I wasn't paying attention.

LOL! I'm so so sorry, but I simply could not resist.

Being 100% serious, though, I think in all likelihood he probably just does not realize he is doing this. Just talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel. Don't get too deep about it. He may not think it is that big a deal, so if you make too big a deal of it, guys often tend to just dismiss it as you getting upset over nothing. If it bothers you, then it is NOT nothing, but you also want to understand his side of the issue as well. Like I said, he probably just doesn't mean to do this, and doesn't realize he is. I mean, maybe he does, but most likely not.

So, just have a calm discussion with him and use a few examples like you did here. If he is a good guy, then he will understand and try to improve. If it is really that your relationship is starting to falter and he is slowly losing interest, then there will be more signs to come. Either way, good luck. I hope this works out for you. If not, then I hope you find somebody who will appreciate you. Every aspect of you, including intellectually.