Having a relationship with a man with kids

[Tia01]

Thank you for everyone who was willing to offer me some advice. I would just like to mention that I am here to ask for some opinions and not really to be judged for my decisions.
I would also like to make clear that I have no daddy issues, I have some wonderful parents and we get on very well. However, this is my third serious relationship and only one of my ex boyfriends was close to my age...probably because I am more mature than my actual age, I tend to go for older man, who are also mature and know what life is, who are settled and who know how to treat a woman. yes, 16 years is a big gap but that didn't really bother us.
I love kids very much and I have always had jobs where I looked after someone else's children and I never thought this will be a problem because guess what? You don't really know until you don't try.
We just had a chat but I wasn't strong enough to just say it's over. We decided to have a break and some time to think about it all. I know it will end eventually and probably it would of been easier to do it now...but is very difficult as I know I will loose, over all, my best friend.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for everyone who was willing to offer me some advice. I would just like to mention that I am here to ask for some opinions and not really to be judged for my decisions.
I would also like to make clear that I have no daddy issues, I have some wonderful parents and we get on very well. However, this is my third serious relationship and only one of my ex boyfriends was close to my age...probably because I am more mature than my actual age, I tend to go for older man, who are also mature and know what life is, who are settled and who know how to treat a woman. yes, 16 years is a big gap but that didn't really bother us.
I love kids very much and I have always had jobs where I looked after someone else's children and I never thought this will be a problem because guess what? You don't really know until you don't try.
We just had a chat but I wasn't strong enough to just say it's over. We decided to have a break and some time to think about it all. I know it will end eventually and probably it would of been easier to do it now...but is very difficult as I know I will loose, over all, my best friend.

How's that green card coming along, Tia?

and I never thought this will be a problem because guess what? You don't really know until you don't try.

Worked out "well" for your boyfriend.

Anyway, if you are attracted to older men then there is a good chance that you're going to end up with one that has children or an ex wife. Good luck.

[chinagirl]

Thank you for everyone who was willing to offer me some advice. I would just like to mention that I am here to ask for some opinions and not really to be judged for my decisions.
I would also like to make clear that I have no daddy issues, I have some wonderful parents and we get on very well. However, this is my third serious relationship and only one of my ex boyfriends was close to my age...probably because I am more mature than my actual age, I tend to go for older man, who are also mature and know what life is, who are settled and who know how to treat a woman. yes, 16 years is a big gap but that didn't really bother us.
I love kids very much and I have always had jobs where I looked after someone else's children and I never thought this will be a problem because guess what? You don't really know until you don't try.
We just had a chat but I wasn't strong enough to just say it's over. We decided to have a break and some time to think about it all. I know it will end eventually and probably it would of been easier to do it now...but is very difficult as I know I will loose, over all, my best friend.

You're full of shit... You like going out with older men not only because they are "settled" but they are more financially stable than men your age. Stop making excuses about his kid. It is you who are immature enough not have thought it well before entering this type of relationship.

And someone had the nerve to say that people in their 40's and 50's are full of baggage and have midlife crises. Duh!!!!

[Tia01]

Excuse me! Do not offend me! I did not offend you so please keep your opinions for yourself ! I have a very good job and I do not need anyone elses money. Thank God, I can look very well after myself !

[vashti]

I actually think it is age-appropriate that a 23 year old would think themselves "more mature" than their peers, and therefore find it acceptable to date an older man, only to find that there is more to a relationship than simple attraction. And why wouldn't a man who is financially stable be more attractive than one who is not?

I think you guys are crucifying the wrong person. Despite her thinking she is mature, this is a 23 year old kid. The man is almost old enough to be her father.

[smackie9]

Age isn't really a main factor, it can play into your decision to not pursue a relationship, but doesn't always mean a deal breaker. It's all about expectations/being on the same page. A lot of people tend to put physical and mental attraction ahead of expectations. Down the road, after the honeymoon stage has come to an end, the realization that expectations are being met or are not compatible will cause the demise of the relationship. So that being said, next time, set aside the attraction and go over your expectations before pursuing the relationship, especially with someone who has children. There are limitations because there is an ex spouse and their family attached to them/ a package deal. So yes as you pointed out, relocating, traveling, and holidays are out of the question because they still have commitments. You are at an age now where you are seriously thinking about your future, and this is a perfect example how important it is to have expectations, and stick with them.

[Tia01]

He is not at all financial stable as he had been ill and off work before we got together and had some job issues. But it never bothered me and I have actually helped him in difficult times. This just to make clear for the people who have VERY erroneous opinions, unaware of what is acutally going on in our lives.

[chinagirl]

Excuse me! Do not offend me! I did not offend you so please keep your opinions for yourself ! I have a very good job and I do not need anyone elses money. Thank God, I can look very well after myself !

If you do not want to get offended, then don't post your problem in a public forum!!! Talk to your father whom you are close with. Maybe he can enlighten you about some issues your going to face going out with an older man.

[Tia01]

If you cannot offer a normal person opinion without offending the person the other end, please go and reply to another thread

[chinagirl]

Being in a relationship is a two way process. Next time you enter into one, you need to think very carefully of the possible consequences specially if you AGAIN decide to pick someone who is way much older than you. Being 23 is no excuse for being stupid or I'll say it in a nicer way, being NAIVE.

[Tia01]

I would say that no one knows what he's really getting into, if has never had a similar experience before. Please. You said you are mid 40 is I remember well. You should show that as well, not just say it.

[chinagirl]

Honey you're right, I'm in my mid 40's who has a BF who is 13 years my senior and has a very demanding job and demanding kids and an ex wife who doesn't seem to disappear. He is my first BF after my divorce and my first time to go out with a guy who is much older than I am and with kids. The difference between you and me is that I'd thought about it very carefully before I entered this relationship and given my decades of experience in comparison to you, I am more mature in understanding and accepting that going out with him is a package deal. We've been together for 5 years and it's the kind of relationship where we both give and receive. That's what's called maturity. Learn from your experience and take suggestions in this forum with a grain of salt. It might actually help you in life.

You have a lot of growing to do kiddo!

[Tia01]

Yes, I won't argue with that. I actually appreciate mature people, who have life experience and who can offer me some advice or some suggestions, If you can do that, great. If you are here just to offend me, please just go and bake a cake. I don't need that.

[chinagirl]

Yes, I won't argue with that. I actually appreciate mature people, who have life experience and who can offer me some advice or some suggestions, If you can do that, great. If you are here just to offend me, please just go and bake a cake. I don't need that.

Your post is not funny. Grow up. And I don't bake, my girls do the baking in my house.

[Wakeup]

So.... has this guy been spending lots of time with his ex wife or something, Tia. That's the why you've said you want to leave him. Also; why can't he go on holiday with you? Just because he has a son it doesn't mean he can't go away with you or even bring him with the two of you if his wife is alright with him doing that.

What is the real issue?