Having a relationship with a man with kids

[Tia01]

Hi,
I will try and make this short.
I am 23 yo and I am in a relationship with a 39yo man who has a 7yo boy from a previous relationship, for 18 months now.. We love each other very much and he is a great guy but I am worried that this won't work in the long term run. I like his boy but I have always got in the back of my head that his ex will be always there in the background and I will never be in his priorities. I am also coming from a different country and I know I will have to make big sacrifices to keep us together as he will never be able to follow me. He won't even be able to have a summer holiday just for us or a Christmas together at my home.

We are getting on very well and we are great friends over all. I know it won't work as a long term but I don't know how to finish it as I get very emotional when I am with him and I can't hurt him. How should I make him understand, without being harsh?

Please help me!

[vashti]

Because of the age difference, I would be VERY surprise if he hadn't considered that this time would come. Just tell him you've enjoyed his time, but you are at a point where you need to find someone more appropriate to spend your life with.

[michelle23]

I think you are making the right decision by ending this. Hes too old for you, your both at different stages in your lives. You have no baggage and you can easily find someone your own age who also has no baggage. Older men will always come with baggage, ex wives, kids, mid life crisis. I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's. Dont bring all that drama on yourself. Move on

[Tia01]

Thank you for your advice. The further we got, the more difficult has become. I know that will be the best thing to do, just don't know how to end it without hurting him or make him feel guilty that he has a baggage :/

[smackie9]

Breakups are never easy. This is a healthy decision to make and he will know this would be coming.....he's 39 years old, he's a big boy he can handle it.

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I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's.

....this is offensive and narrow minded.

[chinagirl]

Older men will always come with baggage, ex wives, kids, mid life crisis. I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's. on

I'm not a man but I'm a divorced woman in my mid forties with an ex husband but I've never experienced having a mid life crisis and I certainly don't consider my kids baggage and I don't think my BF consider my kids as baggage. They're the best thing that ever happened in my life. And being in my mid forties feels great!!! I'm more successful career wise, have more wisdom and experience, we'll traveled and have more money compared to when I was in my twenties. Where is the negative there????

I agree with Smackie, your statement is offensive.

[Wakeup]

I think you are making the right decision by ending this. Hes too old for you, your both at different stages in your lives. You have no baggage and you can easily find someone your own age who also has no baggage. Older men will always come with baggage, ex wives, kids, mid life crisis. I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's. Dont bring all that drama on yourself. Move on

Oh brother!

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Op: Why did you agree to go out with this man if you're so afraid of being "ignored?" You knew going in that he had a son so why would you go out with him in the first place? Just what was the draw?

[smackie9]

I suspect flattery...to be able to attract a man of his age.....daddy issues??

[Wakeup]

Really? I suspect the chance at green card. lol

[vashti]

I think you are making the right decision by ending this. Hes too old for you, your both at different stages in your lives. You have no baggage and you can easily find someone your own age who also has no baggage. Older men will always come with baggage, ex wives, kids, mid life crisis. I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's. Dont bring all that drama on yourself. Move on

Despite the way you worded it, I agree with you. "Baggage" might be better worded as "complications". Also, I have to agree that a man who is 39 and dating a 23 year old has definitely got some maturity issues.

For the record, I have two kids and an ex, and I am pretty sure some people would say I have baggage, and of course, I would agree. It would be fairly ridiculous to get to be my age without having any.

[chinagirl]

And 23 y/of girls shouldn't be dating someone who is 39 y/o either. Did someone mention GREEN CARD? Oh yeah, it's Wakeup...

[Wakeup]

Despite the way you worded it, I agree with you. "Baggage" might be better worded as "complications". Also, I have to agree that a man who is 39 and dating a 23 year old has definitely got some maturity issues.

For the record, I have two kids and an ex, and I am pretty sure some people would say I have baggage, and of course, I would agree. It would be fairly ridiculous to get to be my age without having any.

Yea, its that "mid-life" crises that I took issue with. Just because anyone, not just a man is in mid-life it doesn't mean that there will also be a crises attached to him. Children, if one actually likes them are hardly "complications" (imo). Baggage is a state where you take a negative into a relationship when you should have resolved it prior to starting another. (like still loving a man or woman that you've broken up with and haven't processed that to indifference yet is what *I* call "baggage" certainly not children.

I honestly think many men digress big time in their 40's/50's and become less mature than they were in their 20's. Dont bring all that drama on yourself

Sexist and prejudicial to the nth degree to label, yet again, in this manner particularily when there is absolutely no mention of this man's maturity level and only that he is a good boyfriend. More 20 year olds start out their relationship in their 20's when they've yet to mature ffs.


We don't yet know why the op would date someone who she knew had children if she's so afraid of sharing her man with one however, my guess, in this instance of May/December romance that our op is the one that has the baggage.

[chinagirl]

Yea, its that "mid-life" crises that I took issue with. Just because anyone, not just a man is in mid-life it doesn't mean that there will also be a crises attached to him. Children, if one actually likes them are hardly "complications" (imo). Baggage is a state where you take a negative into a relationship when you should have resolved it prior to starting another. (like still loving a man or woman that you've broken up with and haven't processed that to indifference yet is what *I* call "baggage" certainly not children.

Sexist and prejudicial to the nth degree. More 20 year olds start out their relationship in their 20's when they've yet to mature ffs.

We don't yet know why the op would date someone who she knew had children if she's so afraid of sharing her man with one however, my guess, in this instance of May/December romance that our op is the one that has the baggage.

Very well said and clearly stated.... Thank you for explaining to those who are ignorant enough to know the difference.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for your advice. The further we got, the more difficult has become. I know that will be the best thing to do, just don't know how to end it without hurting him or make him feel guilty that he has a baggage :/

Why don't you explain the "difficulty?" Is this man spending lots of time with his ex wife and ignoring you?

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Very well said and clearly stated.... Thank you for explaining to those who are ignorant enough to know the difference.

Is that sarcasm, china? I'm wondering if you meant "too" ignorant to know the difference. lol (also: I added and re-worded to that post to make it even clearer)

[chinagirl]

It's a compliment all the way... I'll leave ignorant to capture more group who belongs in this category. But thanks for the clarification.