Need advice on getting ex back...is it beyond repair?

[alwal]

Hey, brand new to this site, so wish I had of found it months ago!!

I really need some advice on my situation, if it's possible to get my ex back and if so what course of action to take. I know I really screwed up...so here's the background:

Me and my ex used to get along really well, however she would frequently complain about me not seeing her enough. We lived 45 minute drive away from each other and her work shifts made it difficult. Early December last year we argued about this and both decided that it wasn't working and we should split after being together for 2 years. The holidays come and past and we stayed in limited communication.

I realised after New year how much I loved her and wanted her back and was confident she would say the same, so I asked her to meet for a coffee. However when we met she told me that we had done the right thing!! She said I'd ignored her her one to many times and she felt like I didn't love her or give her enough attention. I admit that I could have definitely made her feel more special.

I then made it my goal to prove how much I cared for and loved her!!

But the reality was I didn't know how to handle the rejection and panicked!! For the next 3 months I begged, pleaded and tried to convince her that we were meant to be together and that I did truly love her. I'd text her and she would respond but never initiate. This seemed to work to an extent as she agreed to meet up with me every couple of weeks or so. Whenever we went out we always had a great time, got on perfect and it was like being back together. On 3 or 4 occasions we'd end up in a hotel and sleeping with each other. But each time we parted she would go back to being distant. She'd tell me that she enjoyed spending time with me, but "something wasn't right". I'd ask what but she just said her feelings and didn't know what exactly.

I then found out she was on plenty of fish (where we initially met) and she told me she was only on there looking for attention that I never give her. I made a profile on there and messaged her, and she went mad for me being on there accusing me of talking to other girls. I said if she's on there I can be on as well.

About a month ago I managed to persuade her to spend the day with me in my city and we went out drinking together, this meant that she would have to stay at my house. When we were out and a bit drunk she told me that she thought I was handsome but didn't find me "rip your clothes off sexy" and also that I was "just to nice". I asked her about us getting back together and she said she'd have to make a decision and appreciated that it wasn't fair on me. She thought I'd make an amazing father and her family loved me so much which was important to her..blah blah blah.

I then asked if there was anyone else and she admitted she had been "meeting" another guy. I got angry at first then managed to calm down as I realised she was staying over and I had a chance to get her back.

We carried on drinking and eventually got back to my house and ended up having sex for hours. When we finished I started thinking about this other guy and started to quiz her. We ended up arguing and she asked if I'd looked at her phone! I flipped out as she must have been texting this guy during the day when she had been with me. I admit I had a bit of a meltdown. 3 months of frustration, uncertainty and now the Knowledge of another guy (fuelled by alcohol) come out in a torrent of anger and emotion, crying and begging, calling her names! Not a pretty sight.

She left the following day and said it was over. I text her for the next 2 weeks trying to persuade her but she never really said much other than my texts weren't helping matters and that she wouldn't meet as she'd tried it lots of times and it hadn't changed her mind.

I asked her about this other guy and she told me that they were enjoying each other company and seeing how things went but weren't serious yet. I then give her a load of abuse about stringing me along and did this guy know she'd been sleeping with her ex etc etc. She tried to defend herself then told me to not to contact her again and it was over.

2 days later I text her saying no hard feeling and I hoped things worked out for her. She replied instantly saying "you too, take care xx"

That was 3 weeks ago and the last time we've been in contact.

Despite what has happened I love her so much and want her back more than anything. I put in so much mental and physical effort into reconciliation for the past 4 months that I really don't want to just accept defeat.

Does anyone have any advice about what I can do to get her back?

Thanks

[Kokombos]

Look, I know you want to get her back and that it sucks without her, but you need to listen to reason in spite of your feelings: she is NOT what you need. She has been playing both you and this other guy for some time, chances are she already knew this guy around the time you broke.

Besides any attempt to get her back at this point, specially knowing she's been dating with another guy, makes you look pathetic and even if you DO get back (in a very hyphotetical case), she will always have you by the balls... seeing how desperate you were to be with her.

I know that the concept of "let it go" is much easier said than done, but you have to for you own sake.

[alwal]

Hey Kokombus, I was hoping you weren't going to say that. I was hoping for some well laid out plan that could magically rekindle the romance and bring her back to me. But that's just not going to happen!

I wish I had of come on here asking for advice when I was still in contact with her, too late now.

I'm 99% sure she was in contact with this guy through POF for pretty much the duration of me trying to get back with her.

Have you ever heard of something called Text your ex back? I bought it and was thinking about giving it a go but don't know if it's just a load of crap. I din't think the situation could get any worse really

[smackie9]

It's a load of crap. Anyways it's a 50/50 chance of her ever getting back with you. It may take a few months of her rebounding with this guy before she misses you. You have to show her how well you are doing without her, working out, getting into shape, looking good, new clothes, showing pics of you with other women having a good time, posting about the parties you are going to etc. This will get her wondering if she made a mistake.

Being a snivelling, sad sac sending drippy texts is the last thing you need to do. Don't show her you are weakened, show you are stong, that other women find you attractive, etc.

[alwal]

Yeah I thought it might be the case with the Txt your ex back. I'm going to get myself fit and healthy anyway but not to impress her I'll be doing that for myself. the trouble is I'm not on face book and because we live in different cities there's no chance of us accidentally bumping into one another, so she's never going to see me.

If you don't mind me asking how have you arrived at the 50/50 odds of getting back with me?

[smackie9]

Everything is a 50/50 chance because there is no way to predict either way.

Get on FB, Twitter, dating sites, etc. Get yourself out there.

What's stopping you from going to a club or bar out her way?

[alwal]

Well I could go out to bars and clubs round her way but firstly I've gotta somehow find a date and take them to the city where the ex lives and secondly hope that somehow I bump into her. But that's an astronomical chance of that happening as it's the second biggest city in the uk and she could be out anywhere, assuming she is out that particular night of course. There aren't any bars in particular where she hangs out. I could get on social networks but wouldn't she have to follow/friend me to see what's going on. Plus she knows that I'm not on there so wouldn't bother checking to look for me. It would have probably worked had I of had FB.

Were you saying that text your ex back is 50/50 or just in getting her back in general is 50/50?