Giving A Girl The Right Amount Of Attention....

[MP12345]

Hi. So I was with this girl a year and a half ago and saw each other for a few months, not too serious but we were in a relationship. I ended it with a not so nice approach and we stopped talking for about a year. I saw her in the gym after not seeing or talking to her for a long time and everything was cool; we started hanging out again, hooking up, ect. It began as just FWB (Friend With Benefits) but I quickly regained feelings for her and I liked her a lot more this time around for a few reasons (she had some eating problems and was going through detox from pills previously and it was affecting me, sort of scared me away). I felt that she didn't feel the same for me as I did her but things were cool for a while. We got along well, have the same lifestyle, passions, interests, habits, religion, ect. She has a lot of attributes I look for in a women and not easily found. Then about a month ago she tells me that she doesn't want an "exclusive relationship" which really means she wants to be able to see other guys. It kind of took me by surprise and it hurt. Got that horrible stomach/heart pain you get when someone breaks up with you and you have feelings for them. I thought maybe it was because I broke up with her last time and I was a douche about it but she isn't a vengeful type of person, and actually has some trouble with emotional attachment. I had told her that I regret it, was very sorry, and had changed since then, which I had. I grew up very fast after Superstorm Sandy hit and I had to take care of my mother, clean up the destruction, ect. I went from a young adult to a man very fast and started treating people I cared for better.

Since this girl cut things off between us she started hanging out with another guy, starting as just friends, but recently began hooking up. She likes him a considerable amount but he seems to be a real d--k of a guy from what she tells me. He doesn't respond to her texts for hours, cuts her off when they talk on the phone, ect.

She still texts me every day constantly from day to evening and I respond fairly quickly and converse with her. She usually texts me first in the morning. I have a big heart and it feels good helping people in need, especially ones I care for. I give her support because she is going through some tough times in life at the moment and she has little to no friends (or family) for support. I cheer her up, give positives words of advice, and am even helping her get a job which she really needs. She shows her appreciation for me helping her but I don't know how she really feels. I almost feel like I'm being used. I'm not sure though because she needs support a lot more than I do. It definitely takes a toll on me giving her my time and "love" although.

So I'm giving her all the attention she wants yet she likes this other guy who appears to not care as much and is liable to blow her off eventually. He stopped seeing another girl to see this one by simply ignoring her texts and calls and not contacting her what so ever since then. He was going to move out of state but may be staying local now which would allow their relationship to progress is she so chooses. This guy even asked her to move in with her but I don't think she would, or would be allowed to by her father (she is 24).

She knows how I feel about her and I have a gut feeling that she is conflicting inside her head about what to do and who to go with even though shes currently with this guy but I'm conflicting as well. I don't want to cut her off and be "that guy" because she does need support but I also don't want to be used and it hurts a lot to just talk to her and not have the mutual emotional aspect of our relationship. She comes to me for advice and questions about lots of lifes aspects. I'm 31 and an educated intelligent person so she looks to me as someone who knows whats best for her. I consider myself a fairly good looking guy but I'm very humble. I'm told by others that I'm very good looking, just as an aside. I don't think that she likes this other guy simply out of looks. My heart and insides are definitely better than his. I'm a giver, I know how to treat a women right and make them feel special.

I don't know what the hell to do. Maybe she is taking me for granted and I should pull back, not respond as quickly. Maybe she is using me just to have someone to talk to when shes not with this guy. I really don't want to cut her off entirely but it really hurts not being able to be with her. The thought of her being with another guy eats at me. I try to shrug it off, tell myself to move forward, that there's lots of girls out there, ect. It helps temporarily but at night and in the morning I feel like crap still. Of course, this thing with this other guy may not work out and she may come crawling back to me, but do I really want to be the bench player waiting for an opportunity to play?

Really could use some advice from other women....

Thanks very much in advance,

Mike

[surfhb]

You don't sound like much of a challenge. It's lame but dating is full of games like this, like it or not.

[MP12345]

So I dont text her for 3 hours this morning and she texts me something like "listen if you dont want to talk to me anymore and be friendly then tell me, dont just ignore me. Man up about it". I texted her back 20 minutes later saying I was tied up with work and if I wanted to stop talking to her I would, and not to get it twisted in her mind. She said she's sorry.

Im not holding my breath, will just be there but wont invest my heart and time like I was.