Help please ladies...if you don't mind

[nickg1970]

Hi all, this is my first post so please be gentle. I love my girlfriend very much but something has been troubling me recently. We have been together over a year and that whole time she has been in constant contact with her ex that she split from three years ago. I am all for being on good terms with exs (lets face it - its better than being mortal enemies!), but this rat cheated on her for 8 years with another woman as well as quite a few one night stands.

Really I just want to understand two things.

Firstly, she still says that he is a "great guy" despite the all cheating, does this seem to you that there may still be some attachment there? Would you be friends with an ex like that? Would you be threatened if it was you?

Secondly, he was in town recently and she met him 2 nights running, even though she said she only wanted to meet him once to tell him once and for all that they had split up and that she doesn't want him phoning and messaging every other day. This strikes me as odd as she didn't get round to telling him anything like that at all. Am I being a bit of a mug here?

.....and before anyone asks, they were not married and there are no children in the equation. Many thanks in advance for your thoughts.

[Valixy]

You're right, she shouldn't maintain any contact with that guy if they have no legal matters, assets that need dissolving, etc., - this is if she has a bit of self respect and treasures the relationship with you. I think that you should be clear of what you expect from her regarding this and ask her not do it again. If she can't respect it, you have your answer and you should respect yourself more than she does.

[countrygirl1]

Does her ex know of the relationship between you two? Have you expressed to her your comfort level? If they are talking regularly, it would be concerning to me. Does she leave her email/phone/texts available for you to read, to show maybe she has nothing to hide? Finally, what do you think her goal is here? If it is to just be friends, that is fine, but I would think you'd be invited to these 'meetings'. She should be confidently showing you off and proud to have you by her side. I think it's, unfortunately, a big red flag....I think a serious talk is in order. Best of luck.....let us know how it goes!!

[michelle23]

Shes obviously emotionally dysfunctional and you cannot have a healthy relationship with someone like that. She likes men who treat her badly. It feeds her low self esteem. If your a nice guy-then you should aim higher and find a woman with more self respect

[smackie9]

Yup your GF is damaged goods. You deserve someone who has their head on straight.

[Wakeup]

I think your gf and her ex are playing Hide the Bishop.

[nickg1970]

Does her ex know of the relationship between you two? Have you expressed to her your comfort level?

Yes he knows, but it took her nearly a year to tell him about me. I have told her I am not comfortable with it and she says that she does not want that level of contact with him, just the odd meeting/meeting here and there. Nevertheless she still answers all his calls and messages. They are in contact every few days. She did say that she would be happy to meet him with me though, but I don't want that.

[chinagirl]

Let her know you're not comfortable with her meeting her ex... Period.

If she insists on doing it, tell her that there will be consequences to her actions and let her know what those consequences are.