Snooping jealous boyfriend

[Kdawn79]

I am at a loss. I've been with my boyfriend for a year. He told me when we got together that he was very jealous. I just thought he was being funny. Idk. So about 6 months in he started to show me what he meant. He is very jealous of my past. I've been married and have kids. He said he hates the thought of me loving anyone else, ever and asks me how is he supposed to feel special.
Recently it's come down to me feeling like I can't go anywhere without him keeping time on how long I've been gone. If it seems too long he starts texting me wondering where I am. He has also gotten off work early and went looking to see if I'm where I say I was. I was grocery shopping. I found out last night that he has taken my phone without my permission and looked through my calls and read my text. He even called a co worker of mine to see who it was. He told me that I'm ****ing around on him because I called a male co worker. Who I have absolutely no interest in. He said you have wasted a year of my life. I've never even come close to crossing any kind of line with anyone. I'm not a cheater. I don't want anyone else. I can't make a move without him watching or questioning and now snooping. I feel so defeated. In someways I just want him to go but I love him. I feel worthless.

[smackie9]

This is what abusers do. He should have told you he is a controlling, jealous abusive, asshole. Yes he warned you, but this is his justification for laying the blame on you, and not taking any real responsablity, or will acknowledge his true problem.

My advice, breakup with him. You are already feeling the effects of abuse spouse syndrome, and it will only get worse. The quicker the better or you will find yourself calling battered womens shelter or the police.

[DWizard]

Actually, he did tell you. You just taught it was cute. Funny how fast cuteness turns to terror.. Get out now. There's no love in him. The idea of controlling another leaves you void of love for yourself...


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[Kdawn79]

We live together... I have kids. I am struggling because he doesn't make enough money to pay his share and have what he thinks is an appropriate amount left. He says well I buy food ( when the good I've bought runs out) and I'm broke because you made me pay the electric bill. 106.00. I just want him to be a man and want to help, Instead of saying well why should I have to pay bills? Your kids don't listen to me.... My kids do listen to him. I'm tired. I'm so tired. He actually just said to me something about buying his own food. Yeah I dare him. And if he does I dare him to touch one crumb of anything I've bought. I told him we are supposed to be a family and you want to live like roommates? Well at least a roommate lays his share.
This is mind blowing to me. But what the hell is wrong with me that I don't kick him out

[dickriculous]

Smackie is right, this guy is showing warning sign after warning sign after warning sign of being abusive and emotionally unstable. This is very different from just being jealous. GTFO now. Do your kids live with you? If so then that should be more motivation to leave if you actually give a fukk about your kids. If you don't then yeah stay with him and expose them to the shitstorm that you're in for if you stick around, let their experience with this so-called father figure fukk them up for life, hopefully you don't regret it until the day you die.

[surfhb]

It's mind boggling why you are asking a bunch of strangers what you should do

If your choice is anything other then leaving now, I have no sympathy for you

[smackie9]

We live together... I have kids. I am struggling because he doesn't make enough money to pay his share and have what he thinks is an appropriate amount left. He says well I buy food ( when the good I've bought runs out) and I'm broke because you made me pay the electric bill. 106.00. I just want him to be a man and want to help, Instead of saying well why should I have to pay bills? Your kids don't listen to me.... My kids do listen to him. I'm tired. I'm so tired. He actually just said to me something about buying his own food. Yeah I dare him. And if he does I dare him to touch one crumb of anything I've bought. I told him we are supposed to be a family and you want to live like roommates? Well at least a roommate lays his share.
This is mind blowing to me. But what the hell is wrong with me that I don't kick him out

This is every reason you need to end this. The abuser manipulates every situation to turn the blame away from themselves. This guy is like a disease that will keep growing, and getting worse, spreading to your kids.....you need to extract him from your life.

When you kick him out have friends and family there so it doesn't turn to violence. If he refuses, call the police and have him removed, change the locks. It might get so bad you will have to relocate so he can't find you.

[michelle23]

Stop moving so fast. Your kids should come first. You only know him a year and your a "family"? Seriously?? I get that nobody wants to be lonely but moving an emotionally abusive bully who is a f**king stranger into your childrens safe haven is wrong. Kick him out and make better choices in the future

[Wakeup]

I'm thinking this has to be a troll. In fact, I'm thinking a lot of these posts are the same person trolling. No names shall be mentioned.

In any event, if you're real and if you love your children you will get away from him by this weekend. If you don't leave him then give me your address so I can call children's services.

Here is a link that will help you to leave.

On Edit: (new link) http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention. htm#out

[Kdawn79]

A troll? I'm sorry. I feel alone. I'm confused. I didn't know what to do so I was looking up advice. This isy first time to post on a forum such as this. I really would appreciate if you didn't assume the worst. I get that enough at home. I know he needs to go. Everything I've read says this is abuse And trying to figure out a game plan. I'm scared. Thank you for the link.

[Wakeup]

Read the link and don't do NOTHING like you've been doing from the first bit of abuse he sent your way. I fear that is what you are going to do again. He doesn't need to go, he won't go. It's you that needs to go and you need to get your children away from him right now, Kdawn.

The fact you concentrate on the word troll rather then come back in and tell us what you're going to do to save what little self worth he's left you with and what you're going to do to save your children from learning that the way he treats you is normal, is very transparent.

You're scared and you're lonely so use the link, call the hotline and get talking to someone that will help you with those two emotions. We are good to vent to but not much more now that you know what you have to do. The people on the other end of the hotline will actually help you to do what needs to be done.

Wishing you well... If I wasn't I wouldn't bother with the thread in the first place or send you the link you need to get you out of this cycle.

[Valixy]

He told me when we got together that he was very jealous. So about 6 months in he started to show me what he meant. He is very jealous of my past.

This is just the beginning and you have seen nothing yet. For your sake and your children's sake, look for help and leave. Don't look back and have no regrets. Ever.This is the only right decisión. He won't change, things won't get better, he will only get worse and you and your children will suffer. If you had no children and wanted to be with someone like him, you could, but since you have children, you have no right, because whenever he'll verbally or physically abuse you, your children's heart will break into pieces, and he will of course abuse them too in time. No amount of therapy could give your children back a childhood spent in fear. Be strong and do the right thing. Good luck.