Help with dealing with Lesbain Girlfriend

[chrissyj]

I have been with my girlfriend for three years now. I am 20 and she is 32. When we first started seeing each other she was married to her husband of eight years. So for two years we had to sneak around so that her husband wouldnt find out and also so that my parents or anyone for that matter wouldnt find out. She has always been slightly controlling and jealous but not like she is since we have moved in together. Maybe its because she is older she feels that she is always right , but she doesn't even want me hanging with my friends. She is also constantly accusing me of cheating on her. I am so fed up with her jealousy that i told her i wanted to take a break and she went blastic and told me if I leave her she will lose it. Also she told me that i am selfish for wanting to leave her. She also blames me for her divorce when she was the one who initiated the relationship and came on to me rather strong. I am lost and do not know what to do i feel trapped but I do love her. I need help :/ also no one knows of our relationship every one thinks that we are just best friends, so it's no one I can seek advice from.

[pcmaster]

Do not let her control you. You can do whatever you want. You were just a kid when it started. 17 years old for gods sake. She cant blame you for divorce, she was older and actually the adult in relationship. I think attraction was mostly sexual.
However to keep this relationship healthy keep hanging out with your friends cause once relationship is over you will regret for ignoring other people who makes your life richer and socially healthier.
Also its important not to keep relationship secret. If relationship have to be secret you shouldn't be in it. So tell parents and friends. And next time you have problems you can seek for help and get support from closest people. Seriously man these secret relationships don't end well, I'm telling you, seen enough examples. Tell her if she accuse you in cheating again you will leave and actually do it. You could be happier on your own, you are young and have lot to offer to girls, you dont ow her anything.

[searock]

Wow, that is dysfunctional on so many levels. First of all, you are just a kid and she's an adult... I truly hope (although I doubt it) that you won't be traumatized for life because of this. Also, even if you were the same age, she would still be controlling and obsessively jealous. You should dump her old ass. Find a girl closer to your own age with whom you can grow and experience new things together.

[smackie9]

This has nothing to do with age, or you, she is an abuser. This is who she is and you can't change her. Abusive people always need control, so they will accuse you of cheating, ruining things in their life, and manipulate you into thinking it's true. They beat you down emotionally, isolate you from friends and family so they can have complete control over. You are at a tipping point, and I say if you don't leave now, you will end up trapped.

Just wait til she goes out, call a friend to get you crap out of there and go somewhere she can't find you. Take yourself off any social media, and block her number on your phone.

- - - Updated - - -

btw don't kid yourself, your friends do have suspicions of what this arrangement is all about. Stop hiding it, you are being foolish. Your friends and family will figure it out eventually. You need their support more than ever....don't isolate yourself because of this.

[michelle23]

The only one responsible for her divorce Is her. Shes abusive and manipulative. You need to get out now. Shes not going to change and you will never be happy staying with someone out of obligation or guilt.

It was a red flag and a huge early warning that she was willing to cheat with you so that should have told you a lot about the type of person she is. You walked into this mess too knowing all the facts so are you really surprised its all gone wrong??

Anyway you should set higher standards in future and learn from this mistake

[Wakeup]

I have been with my girlfriend for three years now. I am 20 and she is 32. When we first started seeing each other she was married to her husband of eight years.

There is so many things wrong with this situation, chrissy. Why would you allow yourself to get involved with someone that is married to start off with, never mind that she is older then you and obviously with some issues if she'd start something with a young girl such as yourself when she is married. Red flags all over that. You need to do some serious self-reflection to try and understand why you'd settle to be some middle aged woman's piece on the side... her dirty little secret even?

So for two years we had to sneak around so that her husband wouldnt find out and also so that my parents or anyone for that matter wouldnt find out.

Didn't that raise any personal boundary issues for you? Weren't you suffering inside knowing you would totally disappoint your family and ruin hers? What's going on with you, luv?

She has always been slightly controlling and jealous but not like she is since we have moved in together.

What did you expect? She seen that you would be with someone who was taken, help them to cheat so to speak and so now she wonders what else you're capable of. She can't trust herself being the cheater that she is so she thinks you'd do what she would do.

Maybe its because she is older she feels that she is always right , but she doesn't even want me hanging with my friends. She is also constantly accusing me of cheating on her.

See above.
This doesn't have anything to do with her being older. It has everything to do with her being insecure and unable to trust because she herself is untrustworthy. She was probably like that with her husband when she was young as well. It's her personality.

I am so fed up with her jealousy that i told her i wanted to take a break and she went blastic and told me if I leave her she will lose it. Also she told me that i am selfish for wanting to leave her. She also blames me for her divorce when she was the one who initiated the relationship and came on to me rather strong. I am lost and do not know what to do i feel trapped but I do love her. I need help :/ also no one knows of our relationship every one thinks that we are just best friends, so it's no one I can seek advice from.

Why are you "trapped" give us an explanation to that statement, please.