Ex - Random reconnect - advice please

[ylafont]

I was wondering if anyone could provide some input,

Six years ago the girl I was dating decided to break the relationship and move away. Since then. I married and got divorced a year and half ago. She also married and now has two children ages 4 and 2. Out of the blue she reaches out about two months ago. I was genuinely surprised but was happy to hear form her. I of course wondered why, I asked if she was happy and if everything was ok. She stated that the relationship has it problems as any would, but that she is happy. She contacts me almost every other day via email or texting, always late at night, sometimes these sessions go on until 3 am in the morning.

She has stated several times, that she only reached out to see if I was ok since it has been so long and that she wants or expect nothing from me. Little by little, she has mentioned things that lead to believe there is more to the story and her situation. Although she does not go into details. She tells me that she left because if was never going to marry her but blames me for moving on. That she only got married because she got pregnant, that they are mere roommates and that she does not feel loved. That she feels stuck because she does not work and that I was the love of her life. One of her comments was that she wished I was there to rub her belly when she was pregnant. Which totally broke be down.

I have provided her with guidance out of respect for her marriage, told her she needed to seek a counselor and work out the issues on her marriage and make decisions based on what she already knows to be true. I do still have feelings for her, the fact that she is hurting makes me feel awful but I want provide the proper guidance.

Can anyone provide any guidance on why she reach out now? What her motives may be? What it her mental state is? Are these the sign of an unhappy marriage or the just issues that arise in a marriage with 2 young children? Her realization of what marriage actually is?
Any advice is helpful, thanks you.

[justmeandi]

RUN, dont get involved.. It sounds like you are settling as you would like the distraction.
But, she is not in the right place to be anything other then a messed up friend. This of course is always easier to say as someone on the outside.
Good luck.

[ylafont]

RUN, dont get involved.. It sounds like you are settling as you would like the distraction.

I thought about that, however, she is too much of a kind person for me to treat her in that manner. There must be a reason for her to reach out.

[justmeandi]

Of course, she needs you to make it easier to walk away, some woman hate being alone
It is clear she doesnt love this guy, she clearly has good memory's of you.
It depends if you are prepared to be that guy- just my opinion

[chinagirl]

She definitely has some marital issues... I wouldn't get involved if I were you. Let her figure the solution to her own problem.

Tell her she needs to speak with her husband about all her feelings and not to you. This is NOT your concern. This is a problem between a husband and wife. You should know, you were married once.

And the reason she's clinging to you is because she is unhappy, doesn't mean she really has feelings for you.

For you, I'm not sure about the "feeling" that you have for her. Maybe you are still picturing the image of her as your old GF but she probably isn't the same person anymore. People change. Once you see her as the "present" person, you might get disappointed.

[michelle23]

Shes lining you up as a plan B. Shes dependant on him financially so your her get out of jail free card.. are you prepared to take on the financial burden of her and 2 kids? How do you feel about being step daddy? Coz thats what she wants..

my advice is to run and get her out of your life once and for all but you want to be the hero so your not going to do that are you?

[ylafont]

Of course, she needs you to make it easier to walk away, some woman hate being alone

This is definitely has something to do with it. she is a every emotionally dependent person.

tell her she needs to speak with her husband about all her feelings and not to you. This is NOT your concern.

I have already stated this several times, I told her to stop wasting time with me and devote that time to her relationship and it may improve, seek a counselor and make sacrifices. That marriage is about what two people can do for one another, not what one can do for the other. I think she ignores me when i tell her she did not mention it.

you want to be the hero so your not going to do that are you?

I don't think so, I do want to guide her in the right direction, I have also state that to her as well. However their is no was of me doing that if she is only giving me bits and pieces and not not totally honest about the the situation. Which is a reason for me posting. Eventually, i can only help her is she lets me.

[michelle23]

If you really want to help this woman then disappear. Run away and respect the fact that shes MARRIED! Tell her its innappropriate for a married woman to be confiding in an ex and she needs to talk to someone else. Wish her luck and concentrate on finding an available, emotionally healthy woman