Feel betrayed, how to move forward with him..

[jeanexo]

i have Never done something like this but i feel i need another's person's perspective on things. i met my boyfriend in September 2011 at school. i was 18 he was 23. we started going out earlier next year when i also found out he was "divorced" and had two kids. i was okay with that. as time when on he told me the divorce wasn't finalized but it was on the process. we were still getting to know each other so that was fine. for all 2012 everything was great. early January 2013 i had an abortion. worst mistake in my life but it happened. i was total B**** as i wasn't prepared for it emotionally. he "tried" being there for me but after 5 months of my attitude he wanted his space. i tried giving it to him. this was all of summer 2013 until September. later i found out he had been talking to a girl. i was logged in into his email (HE logged on to it on my phone and never logged out) well i got these Google chats and he was calling her "love" and "babe" and told her he wanted her physically and emotionally. i called him and we almost broke up but we didnt. then later he said he just "needed her" for tutoring in math. he stopped talking to her after summer classes were over. then i came across a picture on his phone of his ex sitting on his lap. i broke up with him then let it go and got back with him. i later saw his future ex wife's instagram where i found pictures of them hanging out with the kids. and i broke down. he knew i wasnt okay with that and he had promised me twice before it wouldn't happen. but it did. he bought her ugg boots and an ipad air for her birthday and took her and the kids to Disneyland for Christmas which i told him i wasn't okay with since he asked me if he could. then i came across a picture of them kissing. he cheated on me. i found all this out in February and i've been a total B**** with him ever since. he has experienced things h said he was going to experience with me, with her, while we have been in a relationship. he's apologized and told me he'd never lie to me and that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. hes looking for a lawyer to put in his side of the divorce because his ex's lawyer is taking so long. keep in mind we have had a lot of problems because he is still married to his ex. he told me he has been acting very arrogant and should have finalized the divorce a long time ago. i still haven't met his children and his mom doesn't want me going over until he ends things completely with his ex. i want to move forward with him, but i don't know how to. should i even try? i've hurt him with what i say but never betrayed him with another person. he tells me i am stuck in the past because i bring it up so much. any advice?

[nico88]

Honestly..getting involved with a person who is still married is a big mistake. What's tricky is a lot of people who are unhappy in their marriage look for fulfillment elsewhere. They use that line that's old as time "I'm getting divorced" or "I'm separated and in the middle of a divorce". Usually it's always bullshit. And since you mentioned seeing recent pictures of him kissing his "ex" it looks to me that he's doing the exact same thing .

He can tell you till he's blue in the face that he loves you and wants to be with you forever but until you see those divorce papers signed I wouldn't waste your time.

[michelle23]

Uh get some therapy. There is so much wrong with you and him! Hes a serial cheat and your a total doormat. Just read back your post a few times and hear how dysfunctional you are. Its time to get help and get this man out of your life.

Your young, these should be the best years of your life, love should make you high and free like a bird-happy as larry. Your freaking miserable. Why are you letting him torture you?

[ylafont]

You may need to re-evaluate. Divorces do not take take that long, once couples are set on them. If the relationship was truly over between them he would never be taking the entire family on vacation. If he is serious about your relationship with him, he would be be more careful not to hurt your feelings. with that said, Men are dumb, Men are stupid and will do things without thinking. Either his divorce is one of the happiest divorces or they both (he and his wife) are keeping the doors opens on their relationship throughout the separation, could be because of the children.

[Wakeup]

Yea... big mistake to get with a 23 year guy who has two kids and already divorced and lying about his status. He was a lying red flag waving douche from day one. He's keeping you for backup while he woos his wife back as a family or: He's just cheating on her and telling you that he's working on his divorce.

I know that your abortion was hard on you emotionally but it was THE best thing you could have done for yourself and your future. Now, all you have to do is abort yourself right out of this man's life.

Find a fine young man who is free of wives and children. Have those things together with a man that hasn't been-there-done-that already. You're too young to get involved with men who haven't finished up a relationship before starting another.

[surfhb]

Just being 23 with 2 kids should be a red flag....i don't care if he's the nicest, most loyal chap on the planet

[dave4472]

Yeah get rid of him and find someone else, not worth bothering with anymore

[chinagirl]

Let me just get this straight, you're 20 years old, have a bf who's divorced with 2 kids (at the age of 23) and is lying to you, had an abortion and now he is also flirting with the ex wife?

Can you see what's wrong with this picture? All the posters in your thread can obviously see how dysfunctional this relationship is... Maybe it's worthwhile for you to step back for awhile and do a self reflection.

You are very young. There is no reason why you are wasting your time getting involved with someone who is a loser ( at least that's how I see him).

Where are your parents? Do they have a say in your current situation?

Do you have a low self esteem that you seem to think you cannot find someone better than this loser? If you do, please get therapy. You will need it.

You have a whole life ahead of you. Time for a fresh start and you should do it NOW. Break up with him for good and don't look back.