Struggling To Move On

[Jaye27]

I'm really struggling at the moment.
I've had depression for a while now and became suicidal recently. I told my partner of a year and asked him for help and support. Everytime I asked him to just come over and BE with me, he would have an excuse involving his family (family bonfire night etc) and refused when I said I would come to him. He never put me first, even when I'd hit a low and told him I was going to take my own life. He then broke up with me on facebook with no explanation. I went to him, asked him what was going on and he told me HE wasn’t coping with me feeling low. Eventually he told me he loved me and wanted us to try again. He then went home and told his mother the opposite. He went away for a week and I had no contact with him, not knowing why. When he returned he didn’t contact me. I went to him again; his mother answered the door and told me she knew I was suicidal and was ‘worried’ (although no one had told MY family or called anyone to help me) and that my partner wanted me to know it was over. He came to talk to me. He told me he cared about me, that we were okay and we’d talk later. We spoke on the phone for three hours that night; he told me he cared about me, he wanted us to be together and his mother was wrong, that he wanted to sleep with me and many other more erotic things... He asked me for naked photos that night, of which I sent him one, thinking we were okay and together and in love. We arranged to meet the next day just to talk. He tried to get out of it by saying he was throwing up... I was to return to university the following day so I didn’t know when we would get a chance to talk again. He met me; he made jokes with me, hugged me, talked about our shared experiences. He then sat me down in a crowded cafe where I was cornered into a booth, and told me he didn’t want to be with me because he couldn’t cope. That his dad had told him he should see someone about depression. That he couldn’t see our relationship getting better. That he couldn’t forgive me for saying ‘we had never been friends’ (when we have for 7 years). That he wouldn’t even TRY to just spend some normal time together. That he never wanted anything to do with me again. That he would always care for and love me and his feelings would never change for me. That if we hung out just as friends he knew he would end up wanting to be with me. That breaking up with me was killing him; he cried and ran out when I asked what I should do with the birthday present I ordered a long time ago. Throughout this, his dad was texting him.
I thought the whole thing was ridiculous. I had been suicidal and he had left me instead of helping and supporting me. I tried to make amends as I didn’t think a few arguments and me struggling personally was worth throwing our relationship away on; because I loved him so much. I sent one message to his housemate asking to look out for him, because I was worried. I sent his birthday gift in the post as well as a birthday message to him, reminding him of our better times. No reply. I sent a message asking when a good time for us to talk would be, because everything was so messy. He told me he didn’t want to see me and not to contact him. I asked if I could get my stuff from him after his exams, he didn’t reply. He sneakily changed his relationship status on facebook so that no one would notice.

I have had multiple breakdowns and been to three different hospitals. I can’t go outside; see friends; sleep, eat or do much physical activity. I am constantly shaking, feeling sick and lightheaded. I have to take medicines to try and control this. I have had to take time out of university. I wake up everyday from nightmares.

He has completely cut me out of his life and appears to be loving it. After 7 years of friendship. And I still don't understand why; he told me he'd never hurt me, he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy and that he would never want anyone else. I believed him; we had made future plans to live together. I dont know why he suddenly decided completely and utterly removing me from his life was the best thing when we had such a good relationship.
And I feel like I can't get over this. I cant stop running through things in my mind and it hurts so much that I have no contact with him after 7 years. We were so good together.
Does anyone have any advice on how to move on from such a messy and traumatic breakup?

[Mooch]

He TOLD you the truth...... he CANNOT cope with how mentally disturbed you are. BELIEVE HIM.YOU .. need to seriously focus on YOU . Go to your doctor, get help, seek medication. Your talk of suicide sent him running for the hills. Until you seek professional help and get cured or at least to the stage of coping with your mental problems.......... you will not be able to focus on ANY relationship. Youae emotionally imbalanced.

NO guy could cope with the drama you have presented him with. I urge you to seek help ASAP. I sincerely wish you the best of help