Should i go see my ex ??? Advice

[Late_vamp]

I really want to watch Four Brothers ( its a new movie just came out) and i told her that when i first saw the previews and she said that she would come ( we were a couple back then) then last week i had lunch with her ( after brake up ) and she let me know she still loved me but she dindt want to be with me ( as a Bf) she said later on we could be friends ( wev been together for 15 months and we were friends for 6 months before dating) .

So anyways , she ended up leaving ( she had to go back to work ) she was crying and it kinda made me feel better because she coulnt get over it ( she has 5 times more friends than i do and went out everyday ) and i was feeling fine ( i lost all my friends because of her and i satyed home for 2 weeks because i have nowhere to go ) ( except that i feel a bit lonely ... i want to go out more often with ppl) and i am not the one thats shattered ,

mmeh , i asked her last time i saw her ...what do you want ? what do feel like ? she said not to be with me anymore but she still loves me and cryes about me everyday for hours when shes alone ( thats why she keeps going out ...i think)

so my question is ...

1. should i just call her at work ( wich is finished in about 2 hours ) and ask her too come watch the movie with me as friends .

2.Call her once she gets home ...( thing is she might be too tired , or is going out )

3. Show up at her work , after its done ( she walks home for 20 mins ) pick her up and ask her for a bite( why dinner ? because movie starts 1h30 after her job) and a movie that she even told me she would come twice ( when together and broken up)

4.Just forget about it ... ( i'm VERY bored , and i'v lost contact with 90% of my friends , the rest are all busy working and already had plans , not ANOTHER friday night home ... )

[nickia]

I have a question about your post: If your ex still loves you why would she don't want to be with you? Did you do something wrong?!

I would say show up and pick her up because in that case she doesn't have to walk for 20 mintues, People get lazy when they are settle down at home sometimes.

[Don99]

I would say wait, need time to get over it, call some of your old friends back and see what they are up too, they might be more understanding than you think.

My ex still owes me $200 but I can't stand her so much I would rather she keep it.

[Late_vamp]

Because she thinks i did something wrong when i started doubting her when SHE's the one that started acting strange , giving me cheating simptoms .
So we BOTH decide to separate.

1st reason , I did not have ANY trust in her anymore ( i tried) i asked her one little thing ... i would like to know whats happening with you , truthfully , no BS or excuses . i Dont like it when im with someone and they go doing things behind my back ... for example ... last summer there was this guy ( old elementary school friend) that keept hitting on her in the bus , he even went as far as to put his arm around her and hug , kiss her cheek ... she dint tell me till we dint have to go there ( bus stop ) anymore , i let her for like the 20 th time there i diint like that kind of crap , you come clean to me , the second it happens , so i cant go and kick his ass .

2nd reason . no more respect , when your at a point in your relationship where before you were the whole world to them , to the point of getting yourself kicked out of your house for being with the other person too late at night and not caring about it . respecting what they ask of you , then your at a point where you both made plans but the second something comes up , you become no' 200 priority . Insulting you , she used to hit me , slap me ... i coulnt do shit because shes a girl , the most i did was hold her back ( she was hitting me and then she started walking away ) she says thats hitting , isay she psycho ... even tho at the end of our relationship it was sour , we got along extremely well the whole rest of the time ... i think she's in some point in her life where she just wants to act out and do stupid things .

She keept doing things like this , and about 3 weeks before we broke up she started acting VERY strange ,

the day we broke up , we handt had sex for about 5 days now and i know she gets horny after like 2 days of not having it , so i started to caress her . then i go to take off her pants , she dint want to ... i asked her why? she said she just dint want ... i asked if it was because she want horny , she said no...so after about 5 mins of trying to find out whats up with her i just said ... so is it really because you dont want to or you dont want me to feel you all loose down there because some guy ****ed you already today ? ( i know the way she smells /feels like when horny... it felt like that ... )
then why are you acting like this lately ?

then she said get out , i said gladly , i dotn want to be with you anymore , she said same here and i shook her hand , said nice to have known you and left .

PS SORRY ITS SOO LONG . THX FOR READING

[Ellynn]

Although it happens....its bad to isolate yourself from your friends when your in a relationship. But like I said it happens....

If it doesn't mess with your mind...I'd say to continue just seeing her. Why does she not want to be with you though? Her actions seem to differ from what she says....

If your ok with just seeing her then I say just do that....but in the meantime keep your options open....since she says she doesn't want to commit.

[Ellynn]

Ok You posted right before I did and answered some of my questions....

You need trust and respect in a relationship. If you can get past your issues that you had in the past then it could possibly work in time. But honestly from what you just posted it sounds like its best to go your separate ways....

[Late_vamp]

im fine with being friends with her , i know eventually we'll be back together or at least she'll regret not being with me ( i might take years tho) i was her 1st boyfriend , she hasnt been out with anyone but me , once she does she will realize how good i was and in the mean while i wont wait for her , because you never know , she might just find someone better than me (doubt it , not trying to brag but , she finds me very attractive , have lots things in common , she NEVER had anything to complain about in bed, she knows i can be commited and we were about to get married in a couple of years ,( finace next year if we would have continued ) she always told me i would be a great father . )

So most ppl never forget their first and her parents like me alot and THEY want me to stay friends with them , even tho im not with their daughter anymore , they always used to talk about what they would give us once me and their daughter would be married .

[Ellynn]

If it does work out for you two.....then thats really cool. But I agree when you say its best she/ you date other people. SOmetimes if you just stick with one person in a serious relationship and never find out what else is out there, have no comparison, or don't have other experiences then you end up regretting it later on in life.

I think its good to date a variety of people.... At least for me it has been a learning experience. I have found out stuff that I like and don't like.....stuff that is tolerable.....not tolerable. Makes me appreciate each relationship more when it ends up to be something good..... Also lets me appreciate people I have dated in the past......those certain qualities.... Then I can get a better idea of what im looking for.

So maybe someday it will all work out. But at don't tie yourself down too early.

[Late_vamp]

i dated lots of girls , she hasnt had any other Bf than me , she's went out on dates )(like 3 or 4) but she never did anything more than kiss on the cheek and i was never more than 1 day .

[Late_vamp]

gtg see her , ill lay low and if i see her walking ill offer her lift and if she wants to go for ice cream and then ill ask if she wants to go to the movies . ill let you what happened.

[Lighght]

I think you should just forget about her. Chances are, later she will end up hooking up with another guy, and if you are still friends with her, and still have feelings about her, it's just going to make it that much worse. If she really 'loved / loves' you, she would never have broken up with you in the first place. Find someone else, don't waste you time waiting for her to come back to you.

[Ellynn]

i dated lots of girls , she hasnt had any other Bf than me , she's went out on dates )(like 3 or 4) but she never did anything more than kiss on the cheek and i was never more than 1 day .

Yeah she needs to get out there and get more experience. I mean yeah it might be hard for you to handle.....but if she doesn't find out what else is out there now.....she will regret it. She also won't learn to appreciate your relationship.

[Mish]

Hi "Late_Vamp"

I read your posts and let me assure you i was 100% on your side until i read the following

"i just said ... so is it really because you dont want to or you dont want me to feel you all loose down there because some guy ****ed you already today ?"

Ouch... Bad move buddy... Not that i haven't been in your shoes and haven't experienced what you experienced to a certain extent, but i think you might have overstepped the line here just a tinsy winsy bit. I know, this may not be very convincing coming from someone who was dumped by his ex for being too "Suspicious" of her motives (Well also because she wanted no commitment in our relationship and is probably way too busy at this stage getting it on with other guys and whoring around for which i no longer care - but thats not the point). The point is you really have no right to accuse somone just like that without being 100% certain that she is in fact doing it behind your back (Prefferably with witnesses and evidence). Otherwise you are walking on the edge, because if she is faithful to you but is holding out on you because you really upset her or she is having serious doubts about you and the relationship then you are just showing her how much of an A$$**** you are and are driving her further away.

If you want her back, don't come off as a passive aggressive. Tell her you had time to think about things and that you take things easy now. And cassually slide the conversation towards going to the movies after which you can take her out to eat and after avoiding the subject for the whole night slip out something like "Would she like to give it another chance". If yes, but you still have doubts about her, don't confront her just like that without having solid proof (Which will not be easy to find by the way). Be sure to confront her though once you do find it. Chances are, she is now more than convinced that this crap doesn't fly with you. I think she might be just a little bit scared of you right now (But that's just me - i could be wrong, dont take my word for it)

If you're not ready for all the above, simply let her go and find somebody else and go with a clean start. Either option won't be easy, so best of luck to you

Respect...

[Late_vamp]

i just came back from being with her ... so i waited half hour because some dumb client ( at her work ) decided to try on the whole store 2 mins before they closed their doors . anyways , i picked her up , went back to her place, she made a couple of mistakes and called me things like sweetie ...ohh i mean ... hey baby ... oohh wait ... she took a shower and got ready in the mean while i went out . when i came back she was telling me how she went out yesterday and came back at 3 clock of the morning ( i WAS right , if i would have been alright with her going out with her friends clubbing , i probably would have waited for her to call me when shes back home , and i would have waited LONG and PISSED OFF) . so then we went to the movies , btw Four Brothers Is an AMAZING MOVIE go watch it ...

during the movie she got cold so i offerd my shirt , she said no , i rubbed my hand on her arm to warm her up and after a while she said she felt uncomfertable , i was ok with it ... i would have done the same to any of my Girl friends ( friend thas a girl) (except the rubbing ..not for long tho ) and after i drove her back home ,

she got upset and said i had no heart because i told her that im alright being friends with her and she still loves me ,but she kinda contradicts herself , she still loves me , she accepts to see me , but shes mad at me , she says she doesnt want to see me yet she still comes along , im fine if she says not to see her , but she says ok and then fells weird about it . then she tells me later on she wants to be friends with me but not now because its only been 2 weeks , thing is , like i said , she still loves me and so do i but i dont say it , i dont want to hurt her more , so i just try to be a friend and have a good time , i also try to make things clear in her head so we can get along again .

so i asked her if it was ok if i talked to her in about a couple of months , she said ya that be great , but i know ill see her soon ( the day we get our diplomas at school ...thats in october , and i want to give her a book her father passed me , and hes gonna pass me more because he says he wants me to be successfull in life ...btw its a financial book ...)

so i just dont know what to do , today was the first time iv felt i had to tell her that i still love her since we broke up , i havent missed her THAT much but today it kinda changed because i saw her and it made me miss her ... so i dunno if i should open up and let it all out ( we still love each other ...) or if i should just drop the whole thing and be kinda low for a while ( lonely , hurt , im gonna need more friends )

ps: im glad about one thing thats for sure , shes not pregnate , i havent had any news on that until today , thats also one of the reasons i wanted to talk to her ... not on the phone.

[Tone]

Well man I think you're doing unbelievably well, considering the situation you're in...

I agree with Mishanya that you were way out of line to make that comment when she wasn't putting out... but that's over and done with... you just have to realize you HAVE to trust your girlfriend if you're with her.. unless you get 100% proof she is cheating you cannot live by and have your relationship built on suspicion... it will tear it apart.

Anyways - it's nice to know I'm not the only one in this kind of situation... I also abandoned 90% of my friends during my last relationship, and I've tried rebuilding friendships with some of them and it's just not working... now THEY are the ones abandoning me.. which I can't complain about since I did to them.. won't answer my calls, won't return calls when I leave voice mail.. but hey - we gotta just roll with the punches.

As much as I want to say go for it and let her know how you feel.. being that she's young and you were her first boyfriend.. I would say give her time for sure.. otherwise you might get back together and things will be all fine and dandy for a few months.. maybe even a year or more.. but eventually it will come up and she will always wonder what it is like to be with other guys.. and it's just something she HAS to experience.. I would let her experience being single and dating and whatnot and at the same time you move on and keep your eyes open for a new girl, if it happens later on it happens... but I don't think it would honestly work out if she doesn't experience dating with someone else...

GOOD LUCK dude.. keep us updated and just take my words for what they are - outside perspective... you know your situation best.