How should I handle this situation? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[Raven913]

Hello. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We do have a very good relationship. He has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. From the beginning of our relationship I have been completely respectful, understanding, and accepting of him having a daughter and that because his daughter he still needs to maintain a relationship with his ex girlfriend. His daughter and I get along great. She is a sweet girl and I always make sure that when she is around me she happy and having fun. I truly love and enjoy having her and him in my life.

This is where it gets tricky. Here is some background info... My boyfriend has ended his relationship with his ex over 4 years ago. She has openly and clearly told him multiple times she still has feelings for him, misses him, wants to be with him, wants to have a family with him even though he has repeadedly told her that he is in a serious relationship and to stop speaking to him that way that he has no interest in being with her anymore. Despite my best efforts she has not been willing to be civil with me and has be very disrespectful of me and my relationship with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend recently took an unexpected job offer and has moved several hours away back to his home town. Due to the unexpectedness of the job he is currently staying with a family member. This also means that he is now living several hours away from his daughter. His Ex wants to bring his daughter to stay with him at the relatives house next weekend and she wants to stay there as well. I feel that even though I have been extremely respectful and understanding of his ex and daughter and working with him and being understanding of birthdays, school events, holidays, and outings the three of them have had together... I feel her staying with him in the same house all weekend is inappropriate and disrespectful of me, especially when he can make arrangements to meet her halfway or such to pick up/dropp off his daughter for the weekend. I have even offered to drive to get her and take her home. There really is no reason for her to have to stay there when other arrangements can be made for his daughter to visit. Given of how his ex has acted in the past I feel makes it even more inappropriate. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Like I said I have been extremlely understanding and respectful of his situation with his daughter and ex but I feel like this is crossing a line and that at a certain point I feel I deserve some respect too. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this situation. He and I have been discussing this and I am just hoping he respects me enough to tell her no and to make other arrangements for his daughters visit. I do know that he does try to be careful not to upset his ex as I can understand he does want to take any chances of her not letting him see his daughter. Please help! Is it wrong of me to feel this way, to feel that this is crossing the line?! Thank you!

[snckrs]

I feel you are correct. I dont know whatelse to suggest, maybe more suited for the ladies of this forum to help, But I do agree with you.

[fumble]

I definitely believe that you are well within your rights to not want them staying in the same house. Just because you are nice enough to accept that they are in contact because of their daughter he shouldnt walk over you using it as an excuse. There is a limit to what is acceptable and sharing a house with an ex is a definate no no in my books. Tell him how important it is to you, hopefully he wont do anything that would cause you such distress

[nico88]

I don't think you're in the wrong at all. There's no need for his ex to stay there with them. Thats actually kinda weird to me. I would do what fumble said and let him know how uncomfortable it makes you. And i mean honestly the decision here is a no brainer to me. If he's a good guy and is respectful of you he'll work something else out, you know?

[chinagirl]

You heard what everybody said. You are not wrong for feeling disrespected. Stand your ground and let your BF know that staying in the same roof with her ex is definitely a NO-NO! He can stay with the daughter in his family's house and the ex can rent a hotel room!

[basilandthyme]

What does your partner think?

[Raven913]

Thank you all for your help! I wanted to be sure I wasn't crazy or out of line for feeling this way. He asked me how I felt and I told him. He said he would try to work something else out but I haven't been given a definite answer to how he is handling this. I just hope he does that right thing and makes other arrangements so he can still see his daughter and respect me at the same time.

[smackie9]

Even if he wasn't in a committed relationship, it's not appropriate period. If I was his family member that he was staying with, I wouldn't let her stay in my house. I wouldn't feel comfortable about it.

Your BF needs to grow a spine, and pay for a hotel room for her if need be. To not rock the boat, he could use the excuse that it would putting the family member out having too many in their house. Or it's not his place to let her stay there because it's not his house.

OR you can be there that weekend...hah!

[Raven913]

I already had planned being there before she mentioned to him she wanted to come...so I just might go regardless of what happens!