Well if shes griefing about her ex then shes not completely over him. I mean its not fair to you to be in relationship when you still care about ex so much. No matter hes dead withdrawing is not a solution. If you together then you should be together in bad times too. I think it is perfectly okay from you to visit. Even more because you cared about her and wanted to see her. Exchanging bad words wasn't good however. Dont think you ruined anything. She probably forgot about it and losing ex made her understand that life is short and bet she learned better appreciate people in her life. If she loved you she still loves you.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will