He loves me? Orrr...

[stateofgrace]

Hello all, just want your opinions. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. I’m scared of being hurt, so I had a wall up. I’ve recently, in the last month, taken that wall down and began to truly have strong feelings for him.

Short back story: a month after knowing him, he asked me to be official and told me he loved me all in one night. I was freaked out. Things were going so well and I was scared that if things all of a sudden went fast, that they might burn out just as fast. I know he couldn’t truly love me after only knowing me for a month, and it worried me that it happened. This is why I put the wall up. He may have sensed it, maybe not. Our relationship was still amazing, I was just trying not to fully invest myself. However, I’ve developed very strong feelings for him, and I do believe I’m falling in love with him.

Now the problem is, he only tells me he loves me when he’s been drinking (not wasted or anything, but after a few drinks while we’re out or whatever). It’s very sweet when he tells me. It’s not just a drunken slur of words, he holds my face and looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me. Thing is, I do actually believe him, but I want him to say it while he’s sober. All his actions show me he loves me, he does things for me, he’s very sweet, treats me very well, I get along very well with his family and friends, he makes contact every morning and night – even if we can’t talk throughout the day, and he makes [near] future plans with me – such as a camping weekend in July and a trip in August. What do you guys think? Are those signs of love?

I think I’m just afraid of having stronger feelings for him than he does for me. I don’t want to be the one to tell him I love him, but I’m falling in love with him and I want him to know. I also don’t want to ruin the relationship by jumping the gun, but is it technically jumping the gun? What do you think I should do? Wait? Tell him? Leave it? I don’t know.

[Valen]

Since he already said he loves you, then it's your turn to tell him how you feel. He's probably been waiting to hear you say it. Remember, when you love someone, embrace it completely. Don't trouble your mind with these negative thoughts. Don't doubt yourself. Don't worry about the outcome. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, who cares. You shouldn't be concern with that at all. It doesn't do you any good to worry about things, it only rob you of your ability to enjoy the process of falling in love. So don't do that to yourself. Be free to express your love.

[stateofgrace]

You're right.

So you think it's safe to say that he truly does love me? Based on his actions kind of thing? Or based on the fact that he says it when he's drinking? (drunken words are sober thoughts I guess?) He is a self-proclaimed "man of few words" and is a little shy when it comes to his feelings, so I was thinking maybe he just needs a little courage juice to say it. I just want him to be able to say it to me without it, that's all. So you think I should say it to him?

[smackie9]

What do you expect??? You had this wall up for 4 bloody months so obviously he hasn't invested much of his feelings or at least restrained them. You scared him, so he has shut down.

You want to fix this, say I love you back. That will change everything right at that moment.

[stateofgrace]

Well, he hasn't shut down though, at all. He shows me through actions and I do the same. But you're right, I should probably just say it, since I truly am feeling it. I just put a lot into those words and didn't want to just throw them out there. I want them to mean something, not just said to be said. Thank you for your input, I will tell him

[michelle23]

Do you mean hes said it and you havnt said it back at all?? Jeez take down your "wall" and let him in properly. What are you even afraid of? Youll get hurt? Boohoo. Pain is only temporary and its not the end of the world. You will get over it if that happens like everyone does. Pain is a part of life. Grief is perfectly normal. We dont shut off our whole family coz we fear someone dying which hurts so why shut off your heart from men??

Try to be more logical and realize that IF he hurts you it aint the end of the world. Your not gonna die. Youll grieve for awhile and then you will be okay

Good luck

[kb753951]

accept it and run with it. it doesn't matter who loves who more. it only matters that you love him, and he loves you. appreciate him for what he's offering you, and don't take it for granted by making irrelevant comparisons. best of luck to you.