We have a serious problem with attachment here. HELP!

[MrLoyal]

My current girlfriend has major attachment issues.

She has an avoidant attachment style which is quite severe. I have an anxious attachment style but not very severe, I would say I am 50/50 between being an anxious attachment style and secure attachment style. I have worked a lot on myself over the past few years and have come a long way in my past 2 relationships.

I have a few questions hopefully someone may be knowledgable on this subject.

What can I do to get my gf to let her guard down, let me in, not be so cold and aloof?

I am not getting the emotional connection I'd like to have with her.

I really like this girl and would love to give it a good go, am I wasting my time or can I help her move toward having more of a secure attachment style?

Thanks for reading guys.

[pcmaster]

Where have you read about these attachment styles?
Good luck with girlfriend hope it works out for you.

[MrLoyal]

Where have you read about these attachment styles?
Good luck with girlfriend hope it works out for you.

Its just Psychology. Its the study of how people were treated in their developing years and how it affects their adult relationships.

Here is a link on the subject. [url]http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship[/url]

This is also an extremely popular book on the subject, seems to be the only good one [url]http://www.attachedthebook.com[/url]

Thank you for your best wishes.

[lalalita]

I'd say lay up on the labeling and try to look at things in a more organic way. She's not a psych case, she's your girlfriend.

[Starnique]

I'd say lay up on the labeling and try to look at things in a more organic way. She's not a psych case, she's your girlfriend.

lmao...right

[pcmaster]

What can I do to get my gf to let her guard down, let me in, not be so cold and aloof?

I am not getting the emotional connection I'd like to have with her.

Dont you see girls that feelings are not equal. Guy is here for advice. Dude is struggling to make her feel the same so better help him.
I wish I could help but I have the same problem with all the girls.

[lalalita]

You can't make anyone let their guard down. It's a natural thing that either will or will not happen due to multiple factors (feelings of trust, security). If you feel she is cold and aloof and you are not getting the connection you'd like to have with her, chances are, there's nothing you can do to change that. If it didn't happen naturally, it can't be forced.

[basilandthyme]

can you please talk about your problem in layman's terms?

[MrLoyal]

can you please talk about your problem in layman's terms?

Its really quite simple. My gf is very distant and dismissive its her nature and I am somewhat needy.

I am not as needy as I used to be and I let her contact me these days.

Is there a way I can get her to open up, stop being so aloof?

Thanks.

[basilandthyme]

Wish you'd said that in the first place

No, you can't stop her from being distant and dismissive....just as she can't stop you from being somewhat needy. This is who you both are. Yes, both of you can change, but the change must be instigated by one's self and because it's something which they believe must be fixed.

If you can't deal with her being this way, then it's a deal breaker.

[MrLoyal]

If you can't deal with her being this way, then it's a deal breaker.

I'm starting to think this may be the not so distant outcome.

Thats the second gf in a year I will have broken up with after taking advice from Love Forum. Lol :/

[basilandthyme]

Of course, your own gut feeling is more important than the advice of strangers

Edited to add: I just read your previous post - you also need to fix your 'picker'. Try and find someone who's not broken

[chinagirl]

How long have been you two going out?

[somehelp4me]

Does your gf have trust issues or came off a bad relationship before you?

[MrLoyal]

Of course, your own gut feeling is more important than the advice of strangers

Edited to add: I just read your previous post - you also need to fix your 'picker'. Try and find someone who's not broken

No this came out in her later. If you read about avoidant attachment you will understand.

How long have been you two going out?

Around 4-5 months.

Does your gf have trust issues or came off a bad relationship before you?

No not at all. Infact she is the complete opposite. She has avoidant attachment issues.