How do I convince the girl I like that I don't objectify her?

[PGHBison78]

Hello all, I'm new here, so I'll give this the best I can.

I'm in college (junior), and theres a girl I find attractive (freshman). I got her number thru facebook and had been texting her, but out of nervousness, I had gone to so many people on campus for advice on talking to her (in person, text, etc.) She told a friend of mine that I shouldn't be nervous to talk to her, so when I did, she was acting shy and uninterested.

2 days ago, I'm texting her, trying to start a conversation to try to get to know her better, and I finally get her to send a text that wasn't 1-2 words, only for it to say that a rumor was going around saying that I was only talking to her so that I could sleep with her. That rumor is 100% FALSE. I really do think she's cute and I want to get to know her better.

She say's she's tired of being objectified by men, and how I can like her when I barely know her, so I say that I don't blame her for saying that and that I know she doesn't know me that well, and that I'm not like that, and that I really do think she's cute and that I want to get to know her better, but she doesn't say anything back.

I feel bad that that rumor started, and I was already feeling bad texting her at work. We live in diff states so I can't see her in person till August. Also, what kind of girl DOESN'T like being told their attractive? And what should I do about this? Thanks in advance.

[basilandthyme]

What kind of a girl who doesn't like being told she's attractive (by a potential suitor)? The kind of girl who wants to be loved for her mind. This girl has probably had every Tom, Dick and Harry telling her that she's pretty and wants to get to know her. It's old and it's boring and she wants to be valued for something other than her looks.

To try and explain: It's not about her not wanting to be told that she's attractive....it's about you being primarily attracted to her personality. If you've got a girlfriend, by all means tell her that she looks lovely....but don't start out that way.

When pursing a girl who doesn't want to be objectified, try: "I enjoy your Facebook posts about X issue. I'd really like the opportunity to get to know you better" or "you had some interesting views in X class, I'd like to get to know you better". You'll have a much better chance than telling her that she's cute and want to get to know her better.

Compliment her mind, not her body.

[basilandthyme]

one more idea: Pretend she's not so attractive and talk about her other traits which you find attractive