confusion about my ex boyfriend

[emily295]

Hi,

I was with my ex boyfriend from Jan of my Junior year in highschool to Jan of my freshman year in college and he is a year younger than me. In our relationship, I cheated on him a few times in two small spurts of time (summer when we were apart) (no sex to be clear). I realize what i did was awful and have been working hard to change and be better. I admitted this to him this past Feb, which was a month after we broke up. We already weren't speaking, but this really made it so we never talked. In March, I asked him to meet up to talk about things bc I needed closure from the situation. We met this past week about everything. Initially, all I did want was closure, but as time progressed, I really missed him and really thought about why I did what I did and what I could do to make sure it never happens again, with him or anyone else. Prior to this meeting, someone had already told him I was interested in getting back together. When we met, he was ready for this and shut it down immediately. He let me talk, but I don't think he really took anything to heart because he looked like he had an answer right when I started speaking as if he was already prepared, which I later found out he was. What I'm very confused about is a lot of the conversation during this. He said it had nothing to do with his friends and family's opinions when I asked, but he went on for awhile about how it would be a stab in the back if he were to speak with me again. He also avoided my question "does any part of you want this" as well as anything else that would acknowledge his feelings for me. He told me he was there because he cared and wanted to help me get over this, but throughout told me that his parents hate me, he and his friends planned to egg my house, to never step near his friends because they will fight with me and tear me apart. We also talked about our lives and what has happened since we last had spoken. He told me personal things about his family and asked me about mine. I was very conflicted because in the first 15 minutes of this conversation, he told me we'd never speak after this. He kept assuring me how he wanted to help, but then would be condescending and tell me about his love life and the girls he has hooked up with. But, he also said he had no hostility toward me. One of my concerns is I think he's lying to himself.( I could totally be saying this because Im in denial that he doesn't care anymore, but thats why I need opinions) I say this because he started hooking up with a girl two weeks later and acted as if nothing ever happened with us. He originally tweeted emotional things, but it turned into more vengeful things, but at this time he was with other girls. He was very much in love with me, and we broke up a lot of the reason because he was too controlling over me and we fought because of that. He was always very emotional especially about me. I understand if he just doesnt feel the same way after finding out what I did, but our meeting confused me and its hard for me to move on from it. I know his friends made him promise him to never speak to me again. It's also hard bc most of these people from highschool knew what I did and kept it from him and now that its all out, they all have his back, but I guess thats beside the point. I know I can never speak to him again unless he comes to me, but i don't know how to move on. I tried to take him saying he didn't want me for face value, but I can't help but wonder what is going on inside his head. A 20 minute meeting turned into three hours due to joking and catching up, but he was also rude but at times caring?

[MrLoyal]

This is not worth pursuing. You have to let it go and him with it. You messed up and treated him horribly by cheating on him. Ofcourse you guys have a connection as you were together for so long but he will never forgive you for it and he will always hold it against you so he was wise to mostly cut you off.

My opinion is get over it in your own time, cut all contact with him. When you feel ready to meet someone else put yourself out there again. Just make sure you dont make the same mistakes. Cheating and lying are probably the two worst things you can do to your partner. If you feel like you are unable to commit properly, dont enter a relationship. Its simple.

[Boisdevie]

Aren't college students in the USA taught to use paragraphs anymore. OK, I know Gods' chosen country is going down the tubes but didn't realise it had got quite that bad.

[Wakeup]

That is The Worlds longest sentence, Op.

Just stop talking to him and move on. He was not meant to be your LIFE partner, you'll meet other men and keep in mind that this guy has done you a favour by teaching you a lesson about loyalty and the lack thereof. You don't get to be a shitty in this life without reaping the consequences of your actions. You'll think twice before doing what you did ever again. Yes? If you say "no" then don't bother even trying to be monogamous and find someone who also is hooked on new relationship energy.

Zero contact so you can get over him.

[michelle23]

Whether he still feels something for you or not is irrelevant. I love my bf to death-he means everything to me but if he cheated it would be over 100% no matter how much I missed him or how sorry he was..trust means more to some people than all the love and sorrys in the world..

Move on