Girlfriends mentality Post-Miscarriage

[Spartanmk117]

I met a wonderful girl about three months ago, things were amazing for half of that time. We didn't realize, however, that we were moving way too fast. I was already staying with her majority of the week, spending almost every hour of the day together. We were regularly intimate and had no issues. Due to a fluke of bad luck, she started showing signs of pregnancy. We had used contraception but it had failed. She denied that she was pregnant (although showed every obvious sign). However, I knew what was up. She was under alot of stress and pressure from work and people who were running a smear campaign at work about her (starting rumors, spreading them, etc). Well one day she walked up to me and told me she had a random heavy-flow bleeding episode out of nowhere and started experiencing cramps thereafter. This bleeding continued for a few days, getting lighter with each day that passed. The cramps persisted, and eventually faded. After this event, her physical symptoms regressed back to what they were but she was mentally different. She denied that she miscarried, although considered the possibility. She won't go see a doctor to even verify the pregnancy, let alone the possibility of a miscarriage.

Since then, it's like a switch flipped. She was the most caring, affectionate, loving woman I'd ever been with. Now, she hardly wants me around. Seems eager to get away from me, will hardly touch me, and we haven't been intimate in almost two months. She doesn't want me to come over anymore, and only wants to see me at work. Her reasoning is that "we were moving too fast" which I agreed with, but she stopped it altogether. I gave her alot of space, only seeing her at work and giving her the weekends to herself. We haven't seen each other outside work in almost two months. I sat her down one day and told her that I couldnt do this anymore, that I needed to love and to feel loved and that she wasn't putting forth any effort in the relationship. She agreed and said that she was dealing with so much lately and that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I told her I'd be here when she is ready, and left the door open for her. Two days later, she hits me up apologizing left and right about what happened and how she treated me. So we get back together, and things are still at a stalemate. She is on a anti-depressant now that makes her a emotionless zombie. She acts as if she doesn't care about anything and nothing has gotten better. At this point, I'm unsure if she just wants me as a safety-net while she sorts out her problems or just is scared that I might move on before she does if we were single. Is she cheating or is she keeping me on the backburner until she figures out what she wants? Is this normal post-miscarriage behavior & how long can I expect it to last? I really want to save this relationship, and I don't give up easily. I love her to death and I just want things back to the way they were or close to it.

[Valixy]

If she was faced with all those tensions at work from nosey people and she could have even had a miscarriage in only three months of you two being together, the purpose of this new relationship she started, which normally is to feel happier, safer and enjoy life more for most of the people, it's like not being fulfilled. The external circumstances haven't helped and she felt overcome and broke down. The good thing is that she doesn't sound critical about it, isn't blaming any of you, she's just overwhelmed and maybe you should give her a bit more time. The antidepressants might help her and you could both see a positive change soon hopefully.

You should also feel happier being with her than on your own most of the times, but if this doesn't happen, maybe you should each concentrate on your personal life instead of forcing a relationship that sounds too soon too difficult, imo. You should offer her your support now that she's vulnerable and if this is what she really needs she should respond positively. Good luck.