Girl with a boyfriend !

[Lima]

Hello everyone. I am a male and I'm 19 years old. I'm going to tell you my recent story, because it's mind-blowing me, and I have never been in a situation like this.

Recently, about a month, a new girl appeared to work in my company. I'm a IT technician, and I need to configure every person's computer.

So, I talked to this girl, been nice like I am to everybody. On the 2nd day I had her number and we started texting each other, and we liked each other - as friends. She persisted and I answered back. I knew she has a boyfriend, but she really wanted to get out with me, to go have lunch with me, etc etc. And so we did. We spend massive time together, in work and after.

After the 3rd week I already was sleeping at her house, in her bed, with her. Don't get me wrong, although we both wanted to have sex, we both felt it was somehow wrong to do it in the same bed she shares with him. But we sure kissed a lot, touched each other, slept attached to one another several days. Her boyfriend was absent. He was in another country, working. She says her relationship isn't going too well, that he is beggining to spend a lot of time out working, that he doesn't like to go out very much... I don't know the details. She might have seen in me somebody better at some levels, I don't know.

But then he came back... The dinners and the time at their house stopped, of course... But the launch and the kiss's / hugs near our work continued!
Until... last week!

I went to this medical consultation with her, in which she did a couple of exams (22 May). In the next Sunday we were supposed to had lunch together - boyfriend was absent again and she asked me if I wanted to go have lunch with her. But in the saturday, the exam results came. And she didn't answer my SMS, my calls on sunday! In the next day, on Monday, she was with a really bad & sad face, didn't invite me to lunch like she used to, and we barely talked that day. She went straight home. Next day, she says that she needs to do more exams again, that it is a hormonal problem (pimples started to show up, here and there in her body). I asked her out for a bit in the garden, she said she didn't want to...

And this is the thing here! After these exams she changed towards me. Sure, we still had lunch together last Friday, but we don't share an "our" moment for quite some time! Today she went to a concert with her boyfriend (she had the tickets long ago), and I'm really worried here. A concert is a concert, this can be bad for me.

I don't know what to think anymore: my dates were always clean and free. This girl has a boyfriend and is 9 years older than me, and still has interest in me... She is really worth it

But what if the hormonal problem is caused by stress or something, and she assumes that the stress comes from our "relation", what's to come of this concert between them... Should I insist, should I backoff to see if she wants my company again?

I need some guidance over here, this is a new situation to me and I really don't know what to do.
If we stop seeing each other I will think forever that I've failed and that I had the opportunity to have sex with he.
If I insist too much, she might loose her interest in me...

Feel free to ask me more details!
Thank you all.

[MrLoyal]

First of all let me say it is ****ed up that you are doing this with a woman who is in a committed relationship but I would say she is more to blame for allowing it to happen.

Initially I would back off a bit, give her some space. I get the impression she is just using you to fill a void whilst her bf is away. Chances are she wont leave him for you and this is all you will be, unless they happen to seperate any time soon. Which in that case you would be in luck, dont count on it.

When you persist with her too much she sees you as a threat to the little thing she has going so she pushes away. Just enjoy it for what it is, a bit of fun. You really want to be in a committed relationship with a girl like this anyway? Seriously?

Let her do the chasing and enjoy the ride, shes not a keeper.

[zdash]

good advice ive been in this situation and she is not leaving him .. and if you puppy dog it with her shes gonna drag you along on a chain for as long as she feels .. chciks like this are messed in the head and i find are horrible human beings .. and this type of sitaution can drive a guy crazy if he catches feelings .. if you dont have feelings get the booty call but it sounds to me like you do im telling you cut your loses now brother is your best bet i feel for you on this one though

[Lima]

Thank you both for the answers.

Mrloyal, I get what you're saying, but she's the one that insisted on going out, etc. I don't know if she's just filling the the hole of his bf, because when he got back we kept seeing each other. Although I let it happen too, of course I'm too blame also.

I don't persist to much, at all. I simply invite her to a walk - or her invites me - after work, which doesn't occur since 22 May.

I asked her more details about the exam results, and she stated that she doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know, I'm kind of worried about it...

Zdash why you say they're horrible human beings?

[UnconLove4All]

This is such a terrible situation for all of you guys. I hope the three of you figure this out soon.

[Bootsie]

Give her an ultimatum. You or him. Its as simple as that, she cannot have both. I know how it feels to be in a similar situation, she may be with this guy out of habit and its all she has known so could be scared of leaving him (depending on how long she has been with him) but this still doesn't give her the right to string you along. If she isn't sure she should at least tell you this so you know where you stand x x

[Lima]

Exactly. Thank you bootsie. But how should I approach her? Do I talk about this medical exam thing, or should I just focus on "us"?

[Rowen]

Just walk away from this... I don't see it ending well at all.

[XyOh]

I agree. You need to show a little dignity and respect for yourself and walk away. Or run away. Your choice.

She doesn't respect her boyfriend because she's cheating on him with you.
She doesn't respect you because she's not breaking up with her boyfriend for you.
She doesn't respect herself because carrying on with two men and not being honest about it with both of them is deceptive. Unless she thinks deception is a quality worthy of respect.
You don't respect yourself because you don't think you deserve someone who thinks you would be enough for them.

Hey Lima. Maybe no one has ever told you this, but you're worthy of a woman who thinks that you are all she needs. You're worthy of someone who can be honest with the people that are around her. You just need to see it for yourself. You're worthy of having an emotional and physical relationship that doesn't include deception or games. Find that part of yourself that knows you're worthy of these things. Start to respect yourself. There's nothing wrong with low standards, but there is something wrong with having no standards.

[UnconLove4All]

Just walk away from this... I don't see it ending well at all.

I think this is the best answer.
It is a bad situation to be in for all of you, better of escaping it.