Hello everyone,

So back in mid-may of last year, I received a message via OKCupid from a woman that was interested in getting to know me (I'm 31, she's 32). I proceeded to look at her profile and she appeared to have all the qualities I was looking for. I'm actually a very picky person when it comes to relationships- I only seek those that have long-term potential, and I automatically weed out those that are religious (I'm not religious), do drugs, smoke, and drink heavily, or are looking for something else besides long-term. Not only that, I'm vegan and of course I would *highly* prefer a vegan woman as well. She fit ALL of these criteria and lived very close, so I was amazed because I had been single for 5 years in the search for that person that fits the bill. During those 5 single years, I kissed no one nor had sex with anyone, though I had a few dates that went nowhere. I'm the type that will reserve those things for the right person.

So back to the messaging. We messaged for 2 weeks before meeting in person. In fact, we found out we were mutual subscribers of a meetup group, so we decided to go to a picnic meetup with others. Eventually we started going out on dates (though for the first 6 I wasn't sure if it was a hang out or dates, but she later clarified that she saw these as dates. There was no kissing/hand holding for those 6 dates, I like to take my time).

On about date 4, we went out for drinks and talked for 7 hours, which I found out she was recently divorced. The divorce was final 4 months before we met (January last year). When I heard that, I immediately told myself to take precautions going forward as she may just not be ready for a relationship. But I didn't want to write her off, I decided to "see what happens" because I thought it had potential. As we got to know each other more, it became clear that we are HIGHLY compatible. I mean, we buy the same brands and food (down to the same product, and we ran into each other at a grocery store once), we are health conscious, have the same values (non-religious, no kids, no drugs, ambitious, no playing games/cheating, same political views, animal right activists, love to cook at home, long-term seekers, etc.). We both became more amazed as things moved forward and we clarified that we were dating exclusively. Three months after we first started talking (August last year), I brought up the subject about "where we stand". We both agreed we wanted to continue, but I asked her if she *really* felt sure she was over the last relationship and ready for a new one. I emphasized it a few times because I didn't want to get involved with someone that wasn't ready. She said she was ready and had no feelings whatsoever for her ex (partially because she was over her last one even before she moved out, and they hadn't been intimate for over a year). She had not displayed any indication of missing her ex, so we both decided to make it official that same night.

So between making it official since last August and the day before yesterday, everything had been amazing. We both realized that coming across each other considering our compatibility is pretty unheard of.

Here's where the vital scenarios come in:

A few reasons she divorced was because she felt "trapped" in the relationship, wanted to be able to do what she wanted, and the relationship became routine and boring, and she felt she was putting more effort into the relationship than he was. After getting her own place (Around March last year, 2 months before we met), she felt SO happy that she was on her own, and being able to do what she wanted, when she wanted.

So as our relationship went on, I noticed a few things: 1. She would feel depressed, though she didn't know why (happened about 4 times), 2. Has told me that she needed a weekend to her self to do her own thing (we only see each other on weekends) this happened about 3 times, but 2 of those times she changed her mind because she missed me; and more recently: I had a family gathering coming up (happened about 2 weeks ago). I invited her to come with me because I felt it was important for her to interact with my family and get to know them, but she had swimming classes that same night, and at first was hesitant to go with me. I told her do what's more important to you, but know that it's important that you go see my family considering that they don't get together that often (once a year). I learned yesterday that when she first heard that I wanted her to go with me, her first mental reaction was "hell no, I'm going to my swim class because I already have that planned, and it's what I want to do" or something to that effect. So the next day, she understood more and said she was sure she would go with me instead because I see this as important. So we went.

So last night, when I was over her apartment, she starts crying out of the blue (side note, she has cried out of the blue about 6 times, but many times she can't figure out why) and I ask what's wrong. She starts to tell me that she's beginning to feel trapped and like a routine relationship (like her last), and doesn't feel she can truly do what she wants. As we talked, she acknowledged that it's probably not us, she's just afraid that this *might* happen with us too. She also acknowledges that it has nothing to do with me and I've done nothing wrong. So the next day, we go about our original plans go to the park, but we get emotional again and start to talk these issues through. I do KNOW she's over her ex, she's just afraid of us turning into the same situation. She on her own realizes that this is a different relationship, but at the same time, she can't help how she feels. We decided to take a minimum 2 week break as of last night to assess what is important to each of us. Put simply, I think she's just not ready. She says she *thought* she was when we first were dating. So in at least 2 weeks, we're going to come together to discuss our thoughts and whether we should continue.

The big question is, considering that we are highly compatible (and I'm almost sure neither of us will find some else with our compatibility), what's best for us? I'm leaning towards letting her go so she can continue to heal from her previous relationship, but at the same time, I want to reunite with her, when the time is right. We both love each other very much, we saw us going for the long haul, making plans for years ahead. It took me 5 years to find her, and I don't want to let her go permanently.

Any advice is appreciated, and sorry for the long post!