Am here for help...

[Lunilady15]

I have visited several other relationship forums in the past four/ five months and have got both sound advice and very bitter judgements...yet I am not able to move on: I am posting my issue...not a good thing and I am remorseful. This is last forum I am reaching out to and I hope I will find that one (or two) posts that will help me leave behind this unhappy aspect of my life.
I am not proud of this..in fact so ashamed that not shared with another soul...
five years ago I started an affair with a co-worker who is a divorcee, confessed his feelings he had for me...a married woman of ten years...to be fair to him he never expected reciprocity. We worked closely and had lot of regard and respect for each other humanly and professionally.we were drawn closely and I feel more deeply in love. My marriage had been dead pretty much before I'd even met him but being with him made me realize what companionship and the real thing meant. He too claimed he loved me and it was understood that we'd be together when the right moment came, causing as little lateral damage as possible. My husband lived in his own world, communication between us was almost nil and living in separate cities we met rarely. We'd stopped having sex too. I never had sex with my partner, went on dates or did anything lover-like. There was a lot of chatting, sharing through conversations at work and texts. The physical thing was not important and we thought it would happen when it did. I must also say that he brought out a lot of work pressure on me, sometimes causing me great grief and misusing his superior position. Six months ago he relocated and I was supposed to join him in his new work place. I too gave up my current post and was to join him there. I was to get a divorce which would not come as any surprise to my husband. We kept in touch by phone, I visited his new workplace and my job was almost fixed. My husband was quite keen that I should go as I was getting a better deal. Then one day out of the blue my affair partner broke all contact. No calls, texts mails and no response to those sent by me. That was six months ago. Now I know his game. Had no intention of realizing the future he claimed he wanted but I am humiliated, angry, jobless, living in limbo in a dead marriage. Don't tell me what I did was wrong. I know that... Not an hour passes without remorse and guilt. Going crazy with regret, he's moved on and flaunting his new connections...while I'm filled with self loathing and bitterness. Just sharing...can't do it with anyone in person.
I am add that my remorse and guilt is not because I have been unfaithful... I lived in a dead marriage for too long and that is my fault...my remorse is that I, a successful intelligent career woman, let myself get into this situation and let myself get used, abused and discarded.

[AdminOnline]

Hi Lunilady15 and welcome to Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion! Hope you enjoy your stay here.