Chasing a girl for >2 years .. at moment of truth, I lost all interest in her

[jools]

First of all, I am very happy i found this forum and hope to learn and contribute a lot.

Here is my story. This just happened a few months ago.

During my first year at college I met this girl who was doing the same studies as me. We would have our occasional small talk about school and other student stuff and every time we saw each other across the hall we would greet and she would always wave at me with a big smile.

After knowing her for about a year and being friendly I couldn't ignore that I had a crush on her. I manned up and asked her if she would go on a date with me, she refused, giving me the friendzone speech. We kept on being nice to each other like we always did.

Another year went by and I could sense that she started to grow a liking on me. Sometimes we did homework together and went for a coffee a few times. I would text her and she'd always answer me directly. I tried to ask her out a couple of more times, but would still get the friendzone speech.

Earlier this year we went on a school trip for to a European city. I was thinking this was the moment that we would really fall in love. Our group was about 30 students all the same year, most of them I knew, a few students that I didn't knew. The group quickly divided itself into the cool kids and the rest that didn't really care about being popular. She sort of joined the cool kids, mainly pushed by her girlfriend and on day-2 I noticed that she was very flirty with one of the guys in the cool group. Immediately the gossip started and everyone would know those two were flirting. You know how people behave differently when they are abroad, some become very extravert others more humble. Mind you that no-one knew about my crush on her, only she did. I just kept to myself enjoying the city and engaging with the normal “non-cool” students.

The result was that by day-3 of the trip I had lost all interest in her. I didn't felt angry, betrayed or jealous, all feelings were just gone. More than 2 years of trying really hard and I couldn't give a shite anymore. I ignored her for the rest of the trip and saw that she had a really hard time with my reaction. She would try to make eye-contact, but I would just look straight through her as if she wasn't there. She seemed clueless to what just happened, not knowing what to do. She was afraid to confront me why my behavior towards her suddenly changed so she just kept hanging out with the popular group that gave her attention. Especially that guy she was flirting with. By now everyone was gossiping that they were a “couple” so the social expectation made it even worse for her.

At a certain point during the trip, I guess it was day-5, I remembered overhearing a conversation where the flirt guy (who was actually a pretty nice guy) told his mates that she told him: “she was not interested in him and that just wanted to be friends”. Even after hearing that statement I didn't want to go back to her. It was too late.

What happened to me? This was supposed to be the moment that I would win her heart, but it turned the complete opposite. I don’t feel any emotions; I’m neither upset nor jealous. The girl that was on my mind for more than 2 years now feels like an empty black hole. Is my pride too big to be fighting over her? I guess so … aah f#*k it … I feel like a new man!

(I left out a lot of details, but this sums it up quite well, didn't want to do a TLDR)

[michelle23]

Chasing someone for two years is unhealthy. I think you have grown up, emotionally matured and realized this girl isnt worth it. You shouldnt have to chase someone. They either want you or they dont and its stupid to be friends with someone in the hope they will miraculously fall for you one day. It doesnt work like that.

You have wasted enough time so dont waste anymore. It sounds like shes a bit of an attention whore dangling you on a string-not wanting you but keeping you around coz she enjoys the ego boost of knowing you want her.. but she is not fully to blame here. You should have realized its not going to happen at least 18months ago and moved on..

dont make the same mistake again

[searock]

It's perfectly normal to get over someone who has rejected you over and over, and I think you should be very happy that you have. Should have happened a long time ago, actually.

Just make sure that you don't fall into the same situation again. If you are attracted to a girl, don't "make friends" with her, ask her out directly and if she tells you that she is not interested, like this girl did many times, stop hanging out with her or it will take much longer to move on.

As for this girl: of course she is surprised and is going to try to make things go back to how they were. She will probably tell you stuff such as "I miss my best friend" and so on, but you need to remember all the times that she ignored you and rejected you, and be strong... you don't need her. You are actually much better off without her leeching off you for attention and unconditional admiration. Find yourself a nice confident lady that reciprocates your feelings rather than a needy insecure one that doesn't, and be happy enjoying your emotional freedom.

[chinagirl]

What you felt was perfectly normal. Losing interest on someone you'd been chasing for over two years is nothing out of the extra ordinary. Next time, don't let it go too long. Either the chemistry is there or not. You cannot force chemistry to happen.

I'm glad you came back to your senses. Now it's time for you to move on and find someone else who can reciprocate your feelings.

[jools]

Thanks for all the replies! Really appreciate the constructive feedback. You guys are right, i did wasted too much time on this girl. Luckily I am still young and still a student of both love and academics.

The reason why I posted my story on here is that I want to have some verbal ammo should I ever have to confront this girl again. She send me a few texts saying she regretted her behavior and wanted to talk. I never replied any of them. I could have dropped a big F-bomb in reply, but I just keep my cool and move on with my life.

I also decided that I'm gonna go and study abroad for my final year. I feel like I finally burst that bubble I've been living in for too long and can finally see the beautiful world that's out there.

thanks

[searock]

Thanks for all the replies! Really appreciate the constructive feedback. You guys are right, i did wasted too much time on this girl. Luckily I am still young and still a student of both love and academics.

The reason why I posted my story on here is that I want to have some verbal ammo should I ever have to confront this girl again. She send me a few texts saying she regretted her behavior and wanted to talk. I never replied any of them. I could have dropped a big F-bomb in reply, but I just keep my cool and move on with my life.

I also decided that I'm gonna go and study abroad for my final year. I feel like I finally burst that bubble I've been living in for too long and can finally see the beautiful world that's out there.

thanks

This is amazing ! You'll have so much fun traveling abroad, the world is so much bigger than your hometown. Kudos to you for not replying to the girl. Best of luck with everything!

[michelle23]

Stay calm. Dont blow up at her or you will look like an ass. Just tell her your not wasting anymore time having feelings for someone who doesnt want you. Its holding you back and you need to find something real. Wish her luck and move on..

If she all of a sudden wants to be your gf which is what attention whores do. As soon as you stop feeding their ego they want you-then you feed it some more-they ditch you.. anyway if she does that-tell her its too late for that now and your moving on

Good luck to you